


Love Forever, Your Soldier

by Kca1516



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 1940’s, Alternate Universe-1940’s, Angst, Being gay is accepted in my version of the 40’s, But only from Howard, Character Death, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Human Avengers, Jealousy, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Military Captain Steve Rogers, Minor Character Death, Neither Steve or Tony die, Or at least its like it is today, Smut, Tony in the 40’s, WW2, minor homophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2019-10-05 21:32:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 71,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17332748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kca1516/pseuds/Kca1516
Summary: “Pompous, arrogant, peacock, that was how they described me in last week's edition. If you’re going to insult me, be a little more creative.”There was a seemingly permanent smirk residing on the man’s lips that Steve ached to wipe away.But, he restrained himself. He could be professional, he could apologize for the comment.He could be the bigger man.“Unless of course you’re talking about something else entirely,” Steve clasped his hands behind his back until they turned white from the pressure, catching Stark’s drift clear as day, “because in that case pompous, arrogant pea-cock is an interesting first. Though, it's a bit harsh I must say. Don’t knock it till you try it and all that.”Steve was not going to be the bigger man.(I know nothing about the army and did very little research, sorry)





	1. Chapter 1

“Get moving, Banner! You fall behind, you get killed!”

Captain Steve Rogers shouted without a trace of empathy. The men lagging in the back could only groan out their response.

 

A satisfied smirk crossed Steve’s face at the sound.

The forest was peaceful, if one didn’t mind the snapping of branches and crunches of dying red and gold leaves beneath heavy feet. But, even that was fading out of hearing range the faster Steve outran his men. No one was able to keep pace with the Captain, not that he was making it easy on them.

 

Though the calendar declared fall had officially arrived, the hot sun beat down on the men of the 107th regiment.  
Beads of sweat made their home on Steve’s skin, and burned his eyes. But, he never felt more content then he did flying past the trees with hot air rushing his reddened face.

The rest of his regiment wasn’t quite in agreeance.

Steve was in charge of the newer recruits, Major Nick Fury, assigned him to whip into shape. Which was why the rigorous exercise was so hard on them; they had never had to push themselves to the last leg of their limit like this before. But, these men were willing to risk their lives for the people they loved. Steve would be damned if he led them into the field with anything less than the best preparation he could provide.

“Steve,” called Bucky Barnes, his second and the Captain’s best friend, from close behind. Steve had requested Bucky to help with the new crop of men, seeing as they fell into an easy rhythm when working with each other.   
The brunette was the only one who could give Steve a run for his money, but even he was lagging after the blond. His dark hair was stuck like riverweed to his forehead, and he kept tripping over his own two feet. The sight reminded Steve of a time, not as long ago as he’d like to think, when that was him ten paces back and Bucky sprinting ahead in front of him. It was before everything changed.

“Don’t tell me. Even you can’t keep up, Barnes?” Steve teased his brother. Bucky scowled at that. A look that only darkened when Steve turned to face the man, running backwards without even a minor trip up.

“We’ve been out here since early morning. They’re going to die in this heat if you don’t give them a break,” Bucky insisted through every heavy exhale, over exaggerating the situation so as to guilt trip his friend into stopping.  
Steve sighed. He wasn’t an unfair Captain and his regiment knew it. However, he was hard on them, and sometimes needed prompting to let up. If only a little. Still, they hadn’t made it as far as Steve would have hoped for the day.

The Captain glanced beyond Bucky to see his team barely stumbling along a few yards back. Barton, a blond with an attitude, was practically being carried by Thor and even the giant himself was having a hard time keeping up. Banner, a squirrely little man, had fallen off the wagon completely and was hurling his breakfast into some nearby bushes that looked to be poison ivy.

Yet, they were the only ones close enough to be seen at all.

The rest of the team was barely a dot in the distance, especially with the forest obstructing his vision. Steve had to remind himself that the three who had made it this far were two more than the day prior. Progress was being made, though it was going slowly.

Steve knew the weight of exhaustion all too well, and made a decision.

The Captain slowed to a stop.

Bucky had to come up short to avoid crashing into his friend, and the rest of the present company collapsed to the ground in their relief. There may have been physical tears falling from some of the men’s faces, but Steve wasn’t done yet.

“Up,” he ordered, only a tad short of breath.

Unlike most authoritative figures on base, who compared screaming to respect and found they equaled out, Steve found the opposite was more effective. The quiet, deadly, tone he carried forced the soldiers to listen to him.   
His theory held true. As soon as the word left his mouth, the men scrambled to their feet. Their chests were heaving, their limbs shaking in exhaustion, but determination shown on their faces.

Steve was proud to say these men were his.

“You’ve impressed me today,” Steve spoke over the silence, walking the line of soldiers, scanning each one up and down. He took in every aspect of his troop, assessing them with a quick once over.

It never failed to make his men fidget nervously, except for Bucky who was far from impressed.

“I’ll let you walk back to base today instead run.”

The sigh of relief was audible, but the smirk on their Captain’s face was enough to keep them on edge. As it should.

“However, for the two slowest among you, you have to carry one of the two fastest all the way back to camp. I’ll let you decide who those roles fall upon.”

Already, the four men in front of Steve were scrutinizing each other, mistrustful gazes flying around like the buzzing insects licking the back of Steve’s neck.

Despite how the order might appear, Steve wasn’t having a laugh in their expense. Carrying a fellow soldier, when you were exhausted, was a training tactic he never failed to bring up to each new troop that came his way. It wasn’t to make fun of them, though it might come off that way in the moment.  
They just had to wait until they were in the mountains, the rocky terrain and freezing temperatures turning their skin a blistering blue. When some of the men fell to mother nature's hands and hypothermia caught hold, their legs would freeze, keeping them from walking on their own. Steve had carried his fair share of soldiers, their lifeless bodies knocking relentlessly against his heels on every swing of a footstep.

It was a memory Steve had been forced to come to terms with if he ever had any hope of continuing with his job.  
Though, it would never leave him completely. Not that he wanted it to. Someone should remember the lives forsaken in the name of battle. It was a hard burden, but one Steve would respectfully bear.

“Come on, now,” Steve ordered when he couldn’t stand to listen to any more of his team’s mindless bickering, “Pair up and let's go. If we miss lunch, none of us are eating until dinner.”

The groans of acceptance permeated the air as Clint and Bruce finally came to terms with their fate and let the two larger men climb on their backs. Bruce’s knees buckled like he was going to collapse under Thor’s weight, but before Steve could catch him on his descent to the ground, the man recovered. There was an unwavering resolve in his eyes that the blond took notice of. He wouldn’t forget it.

“Good,” the Captain murmured to himself, and cracked his neck in preparation for the trek back. Steve opened his mouth to call for attention, when a sound caught his ears.

Or, more accurately, the lack thereof.

The rush of chipmunk chatter, that had carried on in a steady stream since the early morning, had gone silent. The humming of insects as they flew in the breeze was not to be heard. Even the movement of air laughing through the trees died down to nothing but a whisper.

Something was happening. Something unnatural and wrong.

And, then there was a ringing. It hadn’t been there only moments ago, but he could hear it now. They all could. The longer they listened, enraptured by the steady hum, they came to the realization that the ringing was growing louder and louder until it rivaled an all out roar. Steve braced himself, and drew his gaze to the sky. 

“Hit the ground!” he yelled at his troop, trying to be heard over the grating engine propelling the aircraft onward. But his team was paralyzed. Their eyes were wide and fearful as the fighter plane moved like a storm cloud over the small group, blotting out the sun to showcase its destruction. 

If they didn’t prepare themselves they’d be spotted and taken down with a press of a button.

Steve couldn't allow that.

“Now!” He screamed out again, and this time the order was followed. Four bodies dropped underbrush, just as they had been taught. The soldier just hoped it was enough.  
Without further hesitation, Steve fell to his knees. His hands came up to protect his head, and his eyes clamped shut as he waited for the searing heat of fire to burn away at his flesh or a deafening explosion to shake him to his core.

But, the plane above passed without a hitch and when the machine was out of range Steve chanced a glance upward.

And felt his heart plummet.

Frantically, the Captain pushed himself to his feet, adrenaline mixing with the blood in his veins.  
Steve had checked the schedule early this morning, nothing was said about any plane landings. Which could only mean one thing. The jet had skipped over them because they weren’t the desired target.

Somehow their enemies had found their base and were minutes away from blowing it to high heavens, and Steve had no means of contact to tell anyone.

Not that it was going to stop him from trying.

“Sergeant Barnes,” Steve ordered, his friend snapped to attention, coming to a standing position now that he, too, saw what was happening, “take care of them.”  
Steve indicated to the recruits. They had terror written into their very bones, no matter how they tried to hide it. But, their fear was for good reason. They had no experience in battle, they weren’t prepared for what was to come. Steve only hoped he had given them enough training to call upon when they had to bury their friends.

“Steve, what are you going to do?” Bucky asked, uneasiness seeping into his words. His best friend knew him too well, could read him too well.

“Me? I’m going to go stop a plane.”

Steve didn’t give the man time to reply before he was flying through the trees, the familiar taste of war tarnishing the roof of his mouth.

~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky’s furious, worried, cries fell on deaf ears as Steve barreled past his entire regiment until his friend’s voice faded to nothing at all.

Anxiety fueled the man to run faster then he thought he could, even as the sun fought to break him. Steve knew he was on the edge of a blowout, nausea rising in his stomach. He was heaving in air to his knotted lungs, and the world blurred at the edge of his vision, but he didn’t allow himself to slow down. He couldn’t.  
Every second that went by without the devastating vibrations of a bomb, and screams of the wounded was like a blessing and a curse. It would come, he knew it would, and there was a slim chance he’d reach the camp in time to warn them…

But, he couldn't think that way. He was so close now, he couldn't let himself give in. Not yet.

 

Steve, finally, made it to the outskirts of the camp as the blisters on his feet started to pop. Tall fir trees blocked what he had come to call home. But, the reassuring blare of gun fire, and synchronized marching clashing with the hum of nature around him let him know where he was.

With a final burst of speed, Steve came out on the other side of the wall of green, ready to help wherever he was needed most.  
But, what he encountered when his eyes focused on his surroundings wasn’t the horror his mind had conjured up.

Instead of smoke, grey as the craters of the moon, floating up to the heavens in the sky the sun was brightly shining. Its blinding light forcing its way through the puffy, white clouds bearing down on them.  
Instead of raging fires, burning like the very pits of hell, turning their tents to ash to dance away on the breeze, everything damageable was still standing.

Steve twisted around, scanning the sky for any sign of what he had seen in the forest. But, there was no plane in sight. Steve stumbled backwards, confusion making him doubt himself. It was impossible for him to have outrun the jet. No one was that fast.

Which could only mean one thing. The aircraft had landed elsewhere and was strategizing the best way to take them out. It gave them more time to prepare for an attack. But, it didn’t sooth the frantic jitters bounding around under Steve’s skin.  
Though it gave him a clear direction on how to proceed.

The Captain faced the manmade field once again before making a beeline for his commanding officer’s tent. Intent on telling Fury everything he saw and suspected.

Until, a spark of sunlight bouncing off reinforced steel caught his eye.

A dangerous rage simmered in Steve’s gut. The pieces of the puzzle coming together in a fuzzy picture. Exhaustion that had plagued him due to running at full speed in blinding heat slipped away.

To his right sat an unauthorized fighter plane, sleek and black like a blanket of night with the single word ‘Stark’ painted in silver along its body. That was it, Steve realized. That was what he had seen in the sky.  
Whoever this foolish newcomer was, who had the audacity to arrive without forewarning, had been the cause of Steve’s blind panic.

The Captain had been truly terrified at the thought of losing the place he had come to cherish. He’d been sure he would arrive at camp with nothing but dying embers to greet him.

His fear was not something to be toyed with.

With a scream building in his chest, Steve stormed over to the plane. The closer he got, the easier he was able to pick out the two people standing next to it. Two people he didn’t recognize and could only assume were the idiots who flew the machine into his territory in the first place.

The initial being who came into view was an immaculately dressed woman. Her red hair was pinned up elegantly, and a clipboard was held carefully in her hands as she wrote furiously upon it.  
But, as beautiful as she was, the woman wasn’t who caught Steve’s attention.

Standing behind her was a man. A man Steve couldn’t deny made something in his stomach go haywire. Something that wasn’t absolute disgust.

He was shorter than Steve by a good amount. But the way he carried himself, with a haughty arrogance, made him seem taller then he was. He wore a pressed suit with his hair slicked back nicely, and he looked like he was worth more then Steve’s yearly salary. He looked like he knew he was worth more then Steve’s yearly salary, too.   
A dazzling smile would have completed the picture, but it wasn't to be found. Instead the man was pacing irritably, and throwing his hands up in the air while his lips moved faster then Steve could follow.

The butterfly's died in Steve’s stomach.  
As attractive as the man was, he seemed to be an unwanted variable who would proceed to make Steve’s life hell.

Who, for the past hour, had made Steve’s life hell.

 

The closer he grew to the newcomers, the better he could hear the man’s complaining, and the more Steve felt a festering anger that threatened to rip itself from his throat.

“-you’d think they’d show us some courtesy, Pep, honestly. I’m forced down here by the two of those assholes-”

“Language,” the woman replied, never once glanced up from her papers, but the man didn’t seem to hear her. Or didn’t want to.  
Steve’s hand tingled with the urge to slap some sense into the disrespectful son of a bitch. But he knew he had to keep on air of control over the situation. He was a Captain after all, he couldn’t go around pummeling the people he didn’t like.

Though this man was testing him greatly.

“-to make shit that’s really not going to be of any use-”

“Excuse me,” Steve cut in when he was close enough to be heard. Two heads jerked upwards to stare at him. One with a look of surprise, one with a sneer.

He didn’t need to specify which was which.

“Who are you?” The man snapped, rudely, sauntering up to Steve who bristled at the man’s forwardness. Steve was a higher up in the military after all, he had become accustomed to a certain amount of respect.

“That is none of your concern,” Steve responded, a coldness to his voice he rarely used, and found almost surprised him, “are you aware you’ve landed an unauthorized fighter plane on government property? I’m going to have to insist that you leave before extreme measures will be taken and I have no choice but to arrest you.”

The answer came straight from the textbook. But, if Steve let himself say what he really wanted to Fury would have his head.  
The Captain expected at least some fear to shine through on the man’s face from the threat. Steve knew he could be intimidating. When he wanted to be he never lost an argument. So one understood why the veins in his neck bulged when the brunette’s eyes lit up with mirth.

Steve’s lip twitched into a snarl, he would not be made a fool of. Not after the emotional rollercoaster he’d been forced to endure due to this man’s insolence.

A chuckle burst from the intruder’s lips, though his eyes stayed sharp as a fox’s. Like he could see right through the Captain’s controlled facade.

“Do you hear that, Pep,” the man called to the woman behind him who had gone back to her clipboard with a level of disinterest Steve almost admired,“this fine gentleman wants me to leave! Let me tell you, sir, that I will gladly do-”  
But, Steve never ended up hearing what the brunette would gladly do, because he had had enough.

Storming up to the man, red tinting his vision, he grabbed the brunette by the bicep and pulled on him sharply until they were nose to nose.

“Hey, what-” but Steve wasn’t going to back down.

“I don’t know who you are, or why you’re here, but you’re going to leave now.”

The two men were locked in a battle of wills.

Dark, brown eyes steely glared at sharp, blue ones who mirrored the expression. Steve was almost surprised, no stranger had been able to withstand him for so long, especially without a break in sight.  
But, the brunette was full of surprises as Steve would come to learn.  
The Captain took notice how the shorter man’s bottom lip curled in indignation. As if preparing for a fight. Steve almost allowed himself to smirk.  
Let the man try to fight him. Steve would bring him to his knees, then maybe he’d learn some respect.

“And if I say no?”

Steve gripped the man harder, knowing he would leave bruises. Not caring in the slightest.

“Then-”

“Captain Rogers unhand that man now!” A familiar voice boomed from far enough away that it was impressive.

Steve had to repress a grin.

Fury had walked onto the battlefield.

Now the brunette was in for it, Steve thought to himself. He was caught off guard at the intense desire he felt to see the man put in his place, but didn’t feel the need to question it.

With one last hard glare at the shorter man, Steve let go of the arm in his hold. He pretended not to enjoy how the brunette flinched out of the iron grip, before turning to face his better.

Steve came into a familiar army stance before saluting.

“Major Fury, sir,” he barked, gaze at Fury’s left ear, creating the illusion that he was looking the man in the eye without actually doing so.

The Major made him wait in silence, almost managing to convince Steve that he was going to leave him standing there all day to boil in the sun. But, a minute of crippling tension later, the man ordered him to relax and Steve’s muscles loosened as he came into a more comfortable position.

At Fury’s allowance of ease, a familiar man rushed from Steve’s superior’s side and hurried over to the infuriating brunette whose eyes Steve could still feel burning a hole in the side of his face.  
The smug bastard was probably elated Steve had been seemingly put in his place, and Steve ached to punch the man out.

The intruder had no idea what was coming, Fury wouldn’t stand for this situation or the man at the center of it.  
Except the more Steve took in the happenings around him, doubt started to creep up in the back of his mind.

The brunette had no business being here, right?

Fury didn’t seem inclined to agree.

The Major marched up to the soldier, his frown lines caving deeper then normal.

 

“Captain,” the man greeted, not sounding pleased at all, “what exactly do you think you’re doing? I was under the impression you were training today. If you’re finding the job dull we can always demote you to kitchen cleanup.”

Steve wanted to protest his innocence in whatever was happening around him, but knew better than to raise his voice against a superior. Besides, this couldn’t be real. Fury was acting this way for show, he had to be. Steve was the Major’s right hand man. He trusted the Captain and would never dare put him out of duty in fear the entire camp would fall to ruin.

“If you’ll excuse me, sir,” Steve said instead, keeping his voice neutral in fear of saying something that would set the Major off, “I saw this man’s plane flying over the trees and, knowing we didn’t have any scheduled incoming flights, figured the worst and came to warn you. Clearly, he’s not here to do us harm just to cause great annoyance to everyone around him.”

Steve was walking the wire today, though he swore he saw a hint of a smirk on Fury’s face before he masked it with, well...fury.

“For your information, Captain,” the Major said, his unyielding mask firmly in place once more, “the flight was a last minute change in plans made an hour after your departure, not that you need to know everything that happens at this base as it is not your job. As for Mr. Stark, your unauthorized presence, I expect you to apologize seeing as he’ll be staying here for the next two weeks. His father graciously provided him to us to gather information for new equipment. Though due to your insolence today I might just send you into battle with nothing but your skivvies on.”

If Steve wasn’t so well trained in masking his emotions his jaw would have been on the floor.

Stark.

He knew that name. Everyone knew that name. Stark Industries provided the U.S military with equipment, weapons, much more advanced than anything the other side had to offer, though they tried.

The head of the company belonged to a man named Howard Stark. Steve had met him once in passing when he had been asked to accompany Fury to an annual war meeting between the entirety of the U.S government.  
Howard had been about the same height and build as the man in front of him, even the facial hair was eerily similar. But, the man standing to Steve’s right, talking animatedly with the red haired woman and dark skinned man wasn’t Howard Stark.  
Which could only mean one thing, that was his son.

The out of control, wild, genius of a son, who was claimed to be twice as smart as his old man, and ten times as audacious. Tony Stark was known for his scandalous life, as it was printed in every newspaper at the start of each new week. Whether it was the partying, the women, or the drinking, there was always something going on with the ridiculously attractive man.

Steve felt his hatred cement into place.

He despised people like Stark. People who had been handed the world on a platter without an inkling of understanding to how lucky they were. Who threw their privilege away like it meant nothing, when in fact it was everything to someone like Steve.

And worse, Tony Stark was going to be stuck at the base for two weeks?

Absolutely not.

“Sir, if I may-”

 

“No you may not,” Fury ordered, steam rising off him in waves, “and just for your actions today, Rogers, you’re going to be his handler.”

Steve’s eyes went wide, and he finally let some of the emotion he was feeling slip out.

“What? Sir, this man’s a pompous, arrogant, peacock who’s never worked a hard day in his life.”

But, Fury didn’t care.

The man’s expression flared at Steve’s disrespect, and the soldier knew all he had managed to do was seal his fate.

“He’s your responsibility, Captain. You’ll assist him whenever he needs it, and make sure to keep him out of trouble. Last I checked you didn’t get to pick and choose what orders you were given. And, you certainly have never run from a challenge before. Grow up, or maybe you have to rethink a career in the army. Captain.”

With that Fury stormed off, indicating that Stark’s two handlers should follow him which they did obediently.

Steve couldn’t deny the hint of guilt he felt at disappointing the man who had taken him under his wing.  
Fury was right. Steve didn’t have the luxury of choosing his assignments. He did what had to be done, and he had gotten as far as he had by never complaining when the hardships reigned down on him. He was better than some petty arguing. He wouldn’t be brought down to Stark’s level.

 

With a deep breath, and determination to get through the next...two...weeks, Steve turned to find none other than Tony Stark, in the flesh, with his arms crossed over his chest.  
The dislike sprang to life once more.

“Pompous, arrogant, peacock, that was how they described me in last week's edition. If you’re going to insult me, be a little more creative,” there was a seemingly permanent smirk residing on the man’s lips that Steve ached to wipe away.  
But, he restrained himself. He could be professional, he could apologize for the comment.

He could be the bigger man.

“Unless of course you’re talking about something else entirely,” Steve’s clasped his hands behind his back until they turned white from the pressure, catching Stark’s drift clear as day, “because in that case pompous, arrogant pea-cock is an interesting first. Though, it's a bit harsh I must say. Don’t knock it till you try it and all that.”

Steve was decidedly not going to be the bigger man.

He was, however, going to ignore everything Stark just said and imagine him catching hypothermia in the mountains.

“Come along, if you’d please,” Steve gritted out, trying to ignore the knowing wink the brunette sent him.

“This might just be fun after all,” Tony murmured as he followed behind Steve who was trying to walk as fast as he could away from the man who he was stuck with for 2 weeks, 14 days, 1,209,600 seconds…

He was down to counting milliseconds.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i wasnt originally going to change Fury’s title bcim lazy but after being told Lt was lower than Captain im changing it to Major, if thats the correct term pls leave a comment just so i know im not a total idiot  
> Enjoy ch 2

The hum of the jet’s engine would have put Tony to sleep if it wasn’t for the festering pit of anger raging inside him. 

“I’m going to kill him for this,” he seethed. 

Tony’s griping had persisted on for an hour now, but the strong emotion sparking in his veins wasn’t dying down. James Rhodes, his best friend and pilot, was graciously letting him rant. It happened so rarely that Tony let go of his perfectly kept persona, and Rhodey was already convinced the brunette was emotionally stunted. The Captain would gladly let his friend go on, as long as he stopped hiding under his imperial mask for two seconds. 

He counted it as a win.

Not that Tony didn’t know exactly what his friend was doing, either. But, right now he was so overpowered by his own helplessness, even Rhodey’s meddling didn’t seem to matter. 

“He’s sending me to an army camp, so I can meet the men willing to die for this country in hopes it changes my mind. Which it won’t. Especially when better equipped uniforms would be so much more useful in preventing serious injuries. Howard’s a power hungry Capitalist set on destroying the world, and I don’t want to be part of it anymore, James.”  
The frustration running a marathon in his chest hadn’t slowed down in the slightest since he started going off. It seemed to have only built and built until Tony felt the wretchedness of his situation threaten to shatter him.  
A week ago, when Howard had ordered him to go visit some of his colleagues in the army, Tony had thought he was joking.  
Looking back he should have seen his mistake. There wasn’t a joking bone in his father’s body. Especially when it came to Tony, who he wasn’t a big fan of in the first place. 

Well, Tony amended that statement, that hadn’t always been true. 

Howard Stark had held pride in his son up until the day Tony refused to aid in building world leveling weapons.   
That may have been the first time Tony had seen how superficial his father’s love truly was. Which was saying something.   
Tony had witnessed enough devastation caused by the weapons Howard made. He’d seen the millions of lives destroyed due to the man’s greed, and Tony wouldn’t stand to help him in any way. If protection was what the army needed, Tony would step up to the plate. He had hundreds of ideas for new, more useful, equipment that would save lives. 

But, protection never sold as well as destruction.

Howard tried to persuade Tony to change his mind on a number of encounters, but nothing would sway him.   
Tony had foolishly thought, after the fifth or sixth time his father had attempted to win him over, Howard would relent.  
For a while the man had respected Tony’s choice to stay out of it and had been quiet.

Tony should have known it was only the calm before the storm.

He should have known Howard would lower himself to the barest of levels to get what he wanted. And what he wanted was Tony.   
In the name of gathering information for his old man, the young Stark had been sent to Nick Fury’s army base.  
But, that wasn’t the real reason Tony was forced on this quest, of course it wasn’t. There would always be an underlying scheme fueling everything Howard did.

Howard wanted to manipulate Tony into joining his cause, into seeing his side. Tony’s father wanted him to behold the bloodshed, the heartbreak of war, and come crawling back to him. He wanted Tony to see amputated limbs and manipulated faces due to blasts from enemy fire and offer himself up in any way he could. The older man knew, for all Tony tried to hide it, he had a soft heart.   
Howard wanted to break his son so he could rebuild him in his image.

Tony wouldn’t stand for it. He wouldn’t sink down to his father’s level, never again.  
No matter how the newspaper’s portrayed him, Tony would never be the man his father wanted him to be. Because then Tony wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

“Tones,” Rhodey said, a hint of worry in his voice, “don’t retreat into yourself, ok? Don’t let him win. All you have to do is get through a week by yourself before I’m allowed leave to be with you. I’m not going to let him get in your head, you know that.”  
Tony glanced over at the steadiness of his best friend, wondering what he had done to deserve him. Knowing it wasn’t anything he had contributed to in this lifetime.

“Thanks, Rhodey,” Tony murmured, surprising himself with the moment of affection.   
A warm smile tugged on James’s cheeks, “Of course, Tones. Besides, the most you have to worry about is not letting your sex drive get the best of you. Now that would be a headline.”  
It was an obvious, easy exit from the conversation that Tony would gladly take. He knew if he let himself wallow in discontent any longer he wouldn’t be able to step foot off this plane.

“Oh, James,” Tony said nudging the man with his shoulder, “You know I’ll always be faithful to you, no one could ever turn my eye.”  
Just for that, Rhodes tilted the steering mechanism, making the entire aircraft turn on its side. Tony would have found it as humorous as his friend if it wasn’t for a certain flame haired female aboard.

“Rhodey, don’t you dare or-”

“What are you two doing!?!”

“Told you,” Tony said smugly, as Pepper Potts marched into the cockpit. Rhodey had the presence to look guilty as his fiancée came in with her hands on her hips, eyes ablaze with fury.

“Did you think that was funny, James?” Pepper seethed, she seemed slightly disheveled due to sudden curve of the aircraft, “because let me inform you, if we die before the wedding we’re not getting refunds.”  
Rhodes smirked, and glanced over his shoulder, a moonlit twinkle in his eye. Tony understood why Pepper stood up a little straighter and tried to hide the blush from her cheeks.

“I’m sorry, darling,” the man drawled, “I’m sure if you came and sat on my lap, it wouldn’t happen again.”  
Tony choked on his own laughter knowing it would only make Pepper more livid. But, apparently smart ass comments only aggravated her when it wasn’t coming from the love of her life.

“You’re walking on thin ice here, James,” she snipped bending down to plant a kiss on his cheek. 

Tony looked away, trying to ignore the sudden loneliness that liked to creep up on him at the most inopportune of times. Sure, he had women throwing themselves at him left and right, thinking he was the playboy the media portrayed him to be. However, only three people knew the truth. Tony played for the other team.

Scandalous, truly. 

The brunette would have come out years ago if it wasn’t for his father, to no one’s surprise. Howard was adamant against homosexualty, though it was becoming more widely accepted by the public. Still, Tony had been too afraid of the consequences at the time to make his discovery known. Now, years later, it just didn’t seem important to tell anyone but his closest friends.  
However, technically being in the closet also made it harder to find a potential lover. Sure, he picked up the occasional one night stand if he went out on the town, but no one permanent.   
He tried not to dwell too often on his increasing loneliness, not when his happiness for the pair on his right was so strong.

“What were you talking about that made you think it was a good idea to put all our lives in jeopardy,” Pepper asked with a calmer tone as she placed her hands on the rough leather of Rhodey’s seat, oblivious to Tony’s internal crisis. Just as he wanted her to be.  
Pepper had been his personal assistant for years now, and had quickly become one of his best friends. She worried about him, and he wouldn’t let this be another fret added to the list.

“Nothing important, sweetheart,” Rhodey assured her, though there was an underlying thread of mischief to his words, “just reminding Tony that he can’t fall in love with any of the men at the base.”

Tony went pink as Pepper smiled.

Traitor.

All of a sudden Rhodey took priority over Tony in Pepper’s life? He didn’t know if he could handle it.

“Oh, stop it,” Tony insisted, though there was a smile threatening to break on his own face, “just because I’m not in a committed relationship like yours doesn’t mean I’m going to jump the first man I see.”

“Well I hope so, because that’ll be Fury.”

Rhodey barked out a laugh, making the jet jerk to the side while Tony scowled.

“Darling Pepper, you wound me,” Tony groused, “how could you turn on me this way, I thought we had something special.”

Rhodes gasped, playing along, “Have you been seeing other people, my sweet Pepper, I thought I was the only one for you.”  
A blazing smile sparked on Pepper’s face from the antics of her best friend and fiancée, and she replied with as much spice and spark that her name implied.

“If the two of you continue to compliment me, I’m going to make you do your own paperwork for a week.”

Tony laughed along as he knew he should, but Pepper only had eyes for her lover who was working on another outlandish comment to get the dame’s attention.  
It was no surprise Tony found himself distancing from the conversation as the couple clipped back and forth at each other. As much as his friends had tried to get him out of his funk he still felt the threatening despair trying to creep up on him.

Tony stared out the window, his friend’s voices fading to white noise in the background as he let his thoughts wander.  
He became focused on the ground below him. There was a sea of green, swaying trees whose leaves were only just starting to turn and fall. When Tony squinted he swore he could see a clump of men, soldiers he revised, going for a mid morning run.

Tony sighed not sure if he would be able to handle what awaited him.

He could only hope the horrible scenarios racing through his mind were nothing like what reality would be.

He wasn’t wrong.

But, he sure as hell wasn’t right either.

~~~~~~~~~~

After a half hour of showing his new charge around base, Steve was losing his mind. 

If not for the fact that he was still sticky with sweat and exhausted from the marathon he’d run then from the legend himself.

Tony Stark charmed everyone he came across and, frankly, it was annoying the hell out of the soldier.  
Steve couldn't stand to watch the mask Stark wore for the people. Not when he had met the man behind it. The hardheaded one who was rude and thought himself better than everyone else. An impression Steve received from only five minutes of his unwelcome company.   
Steve had regained control over himself soon into their little tour and had been distantly professional ever since. Which seemed to be pissing Tony off, making the soldier peruse the roll with a vengeance.  
The only time he expressed emotion around the man since their initial meeting was when he saw Bucky and his troup enter from the trees, sweaty and tired but alive.  
Bucky was scanning the camp desperately in an effort to find Steve while the other men, seeing that nothing out of the ordinary had occurred, starting filing away to grab a bite to eat.

When Bucky’s eyes landed in Steve, the brunette made a beeline for his friend, but Steve shook his head in a hard no. Seemingly desperate enough for Bucky to actually stop in his tracks.  
Bucky expressed a wariness, wondering if everything was alright, and Steve nodded shortly to reassure his friend. He was ok. Well, he was alive and that’s what mattered. He could talk to Bucky later in private, though he wished to do it now with the object of his misery right next to him.  
Tension released from Bucky’s shoulders as he took in Steve’s intact form, and gave him a lax salute. His way of saying they would catch up later.  
Steve couldn’t help but glue his eyes to his friend as he walked away, longing to join him.

“Who was that?” Stark asked from beside him, scanning Bucky with an interest that set Steve’s nerves alight.

“None of your business,” Steve snapped, before internally chastising himself. Already Steve could see the wheels in the brunette’s head spinning with new information he could use against him. Like they were playing a game and Stark was about to win.

It infuriated Steve.

“Really? Because he seemed to be the definition of my business. Tall, dark, and handsome, I’d love to get to know ‘none of my business’ a little better. That is, as long as you haven’t already. I’d hate to step on toes.”  
Steve went awkwardly stiff at the insinuation, embarrassment settling in his stomach. Was he straight, no, did he like having his sexuality and love life speculated about, same answer.  
Steve hated that this man, an hour into meeting him, had already figured out ways to make him twitch.  
Stark had found his one weakness, Bucky, and was already trying to use it against him.

Part of Steve wanted to snap at Tony that no, Bucky and he were not dating nor would they ever be...  
But stay away from him anyway because he’s important to Steve, and the Captain wouldn’t wish Tony Stark’s presence on anyone. 

However, he knew that would be playing further into Stark’s game.  
So, with a roll of his shoulders, he walked on and swallowed his pride.

“You already have,” he mumbled, hating that the billionaire heard him. Hating that it didn’t seem to phase him in the slightest while Steve’s face would be permanently red for the rest of the afternoon.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Everywhere the two visited, Stark stopped.  
He stopped and he talked, and he flirted easier than breathing. He wrapped people around his finger with a bat of an eyelash and laughed, and laughed, and laughed until Steve thought the sound would permanently ring in his ears forever. 

Tony had even the straightest of the recruitments tailing after the pair like a pack of mindless dogs following a bone. Which led him to believe the papers were wrong when they talked about the hoards of women Tony had scorned.  
Though, Stark did manage to get a smile out of Berta, the horrible old secretary who hated Steve with a passion. So who knew what the truth was.  
However, he also talked to Old Bill for forty-five minutes, and no one talked to Old Bill. The man was creepy and would try to cop a feel from anyone who gave him a moment of their time.  
When the old man’s arm started brushing up against Tony’s side, even Steve felt the need to do something. As horrible as Stark was, no one deserved Bill.

But, Tony only laughed off the man’s affection before planting a kiss on Old Bill’s cheek as satisfaction. Not long after Stark grabbed Steve by the arm so they could walk away.  
Steve longed to pull out of the grip, Stark’s pressed suit scratching the soldier’s bare skin.   
However, the genius took the initiative and released him as soon as they were out of Bill’s sight. 

“That guy was a creep,” Stark sneered, a shiver wracking his frame, “also he looks like he’s one hundred years old, who even let him in the army?”

Steve almost forgot he hated the man as a small huff of air escaped his nose, “No one knows how he got here, one day he just showed up and wouldn't leave no matter what Fury did. So, we let him stay.”  
The shorter of the two shot a surprised glance at the taller man, shocked that the words directed to him weren't ones of complete hostility.  
When Stark realized Steve was genuinely having a conversation with him, he answered.

“He probably snuck his way into Fury’s pants, and after the man felt too bad to send him off. Bedside manner and all. I was actually surprised it was me grandpa was feeling up when you were right there.”

Steve felt the sliver of tentative amity shrivel up and die. He scowled at the man who only laughed in return, but Steve learned his lesson. No more attempts at conversation.   
What felt like hours later, Steve finally escorted the man back to head base. He spotted Stark’s two companions finishing up their conversation with Fury; they were about to head off.  
Steve came to a halt as Stark breezed past him to say farewell to his party, and the blond hoped he could fade into the background without much of a hassle. 

He did his job for the day. He babysat Stark. Now that the sun was going down around them, Steve would really appreciate a shower.   
The visible damage had long since faded away, but Steve knew the smell he was emmenating was rank. He discreetly slinked away from the group, knowing no one would notice his absence.

Except, when Steve had just managed to turn around and make his escape, a voice called out to him, “Captain, wait!”  
Steve froze, trying not to let his growing annoyance show as he spun around to see who was calling him.  
It wasn’t Fury, who seemed to be stuck in a battle of words with Tony Stark. 

(Steve honestly didn’t know who would win that one)

Nor, was the voice Stark himself.

No.

Who called out to Steve was the man he had thought familiar earlier in the day.  
The gentlemen’s short, but stocky build jogged to catch up with the Captain, who could only stare in bewilderment. A name sitting on the tip of his tongue. It clicked as soon as Steve made out the twinkle in his dark eyes.

“Rhodes?” Steve called, right as the man stopped in front of him, nostalgic memories long buried rose in his memory. 

“You’ve forgotten me so quickly, Rogers,” James Rhodes said as he wrestled the taller man into a hug.  
Steve laughed as he let James pull him into a headlock before elbowing him to be let out.

“Oof,” James exclaimed as the wind was knocked out of him, though Steve hadn't meant to hit so hard.

“Getting old on me, Rhodes,” Steve teased goodnaturedly, “last time I saw you, you were in your prime times.”

James smiled, “Last time you saw me I was a pubescent teenager who only ate slop for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Hell, if I did that now, I’d be in for a long night.”

Steve barked out a laugh, crossing his arms over his chest.   
He wouldn’t deny the pit of sentimentality he felt over seeing his old friend again. Rhodes, Steve and Bucky had been trained together when they first enlisted, and had grown close through their experience together. When it became time for them to be put on the field, they were split up. Steve and Bucky in the north, Rhodes down south. They had meant to keep in touch, but communication got lost along the way. And, when you were in the middle of a war such things as old friendships slipped your mind.

Good men died in battle, so did bad men, but Steve was damn glad James Rhodes hadn’t been one of them.

“Enough about me,” Rhodes said, clearing the air, “I came over to talk about you, Steve Rogers.”  
Steve threw him a quizzical look, sensing the atmosphere had taken a turn, “Should I be worried.”

He expected the comment to at least earn him a chuckle, but Rhodes didn’t even crack a smile.

“Maybe,” was all the brown eyed man responded.

Before Steve had time to process what that might mean, Rhodes wrapped one arm around Steve’s shoulders and pointed to the clump of people arguing by Stark’s jet.

“See that man, there?” Rhodes asked, indicating to none other then Stark, as if he wasn’t aware Steve had spent the day with the infuriating man.

“Yeah,” Steve replied gruffly, already feeling the annoyance that had left him start to trickle back, “I’ve met Stark.”

“Little bastard gave you hell, right?”

Steve nodded.

“Well that little bastard is the best man I have ever met in my life.”

Steve eyes went wide, shock resonating through him. He pulled away from Rhodes, ready to apologize for his rudeness.   
Though he held no admiration for Stark, he respected James greatly and didn't mean to insult him.  
But, Rhodes held no aggression towards him as he watched Steve with that ever present twinkle.

“None of that,” James insisted before Steve could get a word in, “I, of all people, know he’s a handful. Trust me. I'm not offended by your opinion of him, he never makes anything easy.”

Steve was still a little wary, and chose to keep to the niceties just in case he did end up saying something that offended his old friend.

“When did you two meet, I never remember you saying anything about him before?” The Captain settled on.   
Rhodes had the nerve to laugh, “Never talked about him, oh Steve, no. I talked about him all the time when we were in training. I met Stark when we were kids, he’s been like a brother to me ever since the early years.”

Steve had a hard time picturing Stark as a child, but didn't interrupt Rhodes.

“I never called him by name when I spoke of him because who was going to believe I was friends with Tony Stark.”  
Steve flushed, as Rhodes gave him a knowing look. Steve would have been one of the firsts to harp on him for the lie, though out of jest.

“But, that’s not my point,” Rhodes continued, his mood turning serious once again, “I know that he can come across a little harsh-” (Steve snorted, “A little?” He grumbled, though Rhodes chose wisely to ignore him) “-but he’s family, and...and I’d appreciate it if you could watch his back for me. You’re one of the few people here I trust to do it.”

Steve couldn't deny he was taken aback by the request. Stark certainly didn’t seem like a man who needed watching out for. In fact, he seemed like the kind of man Steve would tell other people to be wary of. But, the seriousness with which James asked the question was enough to make Steve rethink his decision before he said hell no.  
Rhodes seemed to pick up on his hesitance, “Please, Steve. He means the world to me, I couldn't bare it if something happened and I hadn’t tried my best to stop it. You don’t have to become the man’s confidant or anything like that, just- just keep an eye out for him.”  
Steve was taken aback to see his friend’s eyes getting watery, confused how someone could come to truly care for a man like Tony Stark. But, when faced with Rhodes pleading, Steve couldn't say no.

“I’ll..look out for him. You have my word,” Steve promised, the statement tasted sour in his mouth but rang with truth.  
The tension eased from Rhodes’s shoulders as relief washed through him.   
As much as it pained Steve to admit, he knew he had made the right call.

“Thank you,” Rhodes said, holding his hand out for Steve to shake, “Thank you.”

Steve shook hard, feeling Rhodes gratefulness through the gesture.  
When they parted James moved away knowing he had to go.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back in a week for him,” Rhodes assured the soldier, a happy lilt in his voice once again, though it was still shaky.

“I thought he was staying for two,” Steve answered, hoping Rhodes information was more accurate than his own.

“He is, but I’m practically his handler. That’s what Howard thinks anyway. How else do you think the army would let me be here if it wasn’t for some persuasion from the bastard himself.”  
Before Steve could reply, Rhodes was already waving goodbye and jogging back to Tony Stark.

Steve couldn't deny the similarities between the two men. He had always perceived James personality as strictly his own. But, after being with Tony all afternoon, he could see where the lines crossed and blended together from years of brotherhood.  
It was strange.

Steve knew he should escape while he still had the chance, but he stayed a while longer to watch James make it back to the jet.  
He let himself wait while the man pulled Stark into a hug and whispered something in his ear that made the genius show teeth.  
Then, with a respectful salute to Fury, James hooked arms with the red head and boarded the jet.  
He should have left then. He had seen James safely back on board and had no real reason to stay. But, his eyes were drawn somewhere else. To someone else.

Tony Stark stood, still bickering with Fury who looked like he was about to pull his hair out. The billionaire was all suave leather shoes and charming smiles, acting for all the world like he owned the place.  
How could Rhodes be friends with a man like that? Was there something Steve was missing?  
He didn’t think so, but when Tony Stark eyes found his from so far away, he thought that Rhodes might be right. There was something Tony had hidden inside him.

Stark flipped him off, and Steve pinpointed exactly what that quality was.

The fucking devil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos are always welcome


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited this one quickly so sorry if its not up to par hope you enjoy it anyway thx for reading

  
  


A smug satisfaction clung to Tony like a second skin as he watched Captain Rogers storm off.

The muscle’s in the soldier’s back rippled with each footstep carrying him away. But, Tony would like to believe some of that tension in the man’s form was due to him.

 

_ It would serve the Captain right _ , the genius thought bitterly.

 

Who the hell did that bastard think he was to treat Tony like the scum of the Earth?

 

The man was pretentious, arrogant, obnoxious...  

 

It didn’t take him long to realize the irony of his own thoughts.

 

Tony huffed out a dismal laugh. Since when did he start noticing how people treated him?

Worse, when did he start caring?

 

Tony used to have protective walls built up that would stop the mass’s painful words from penetrating. They had been constructed over many, agonizing years. And, the genius had, long ago, grown to see them as an asset rather than a handicap. 

Everyone read the newspaper, everyone heard the latest gossip. People already formed their opinions of him from the tales those scantily layered pieces of paper spun.

There was nothing he would be able to do to alter that. So why bother obsessing over a fact that would never change.

 

Tony remembered, crisply, walking into a socialite party and having half of the room despise him and the other half desire him, damn propriety. 

But, ever since Tony rejected his father’s plans for him, a little over two years ago now, he hadn’t had to protect himself from such a situation.

He drew back from the gatherings his father had forced him to attend. He found they weren’t as necessary as he had once been led to believe.

 

Tony removed himself from that life, instead, choosing to surround himself with people he trusted.

In that time he moved out of the spotlight that had been placed on him since birth, and allowed his friends to tear down the walls he constructed through blood and tears. His life had been easier for it.

 

But, when did things ever stay easy for Tony Stark. 

 

The problem; he forgot what it felt like to be hated on sight, and he found that it bothered him now more than ever. 

Captain Rogers didn’t know him, nor would he ever, and Tony did not hold the man in high regard. So why was the man’s opinion of him still nagging at his conscience? 

 

“Did you really have to flip him off,” Fury drawled, sounding bored with the happenings around him.

Tony turned to face the man, a mixture of emotions whisking inside him. He didn't know what to make of the Major.

Fury was stubborn and infuriating to work with, as Tony had found out when the plane initially landed. 

Fury refused Tony’s group before the aircraft even touched the ground. For all the Major had lied to Captain Rogers about an incoming telegram saying Tony was allowed to be on base, no such message was ever dispatched.

 

Howard forgot to send word.

 

Or, more likely, he’d been trying to make Tony’s life hell.

The genius longed to tell his predecessor that he accomplished the task by simply existing. 

But, that wasn’t a current option, and Tony’s anger towards his father had nowhere to go except Fury. 

 

Tony had exploded, and the Major only fed off his anger until they were both red in the face. Their sharp edged words grew louder and louder until Tony was sure half the base could hear them, though, it wasn’t enough incentive to make him stop.

It wasn’t the mature way Tony should have handled the situation, not by a long shot. But, in the moment it had felt so  _ right. _

 

Looking back, Tony was surprised Fury hadn’t had them arrested, and knew it was only due to Rhodey that he wasn't behind bars right now. 

The Captain had stayed calm while Fury and Tony screamed at each other, and Pepper tried to diffuse the situation.

James had carefully inserted himself between the two fuming men before herding Fury off to calm down. He gave his best friend and fiancée strict orders to stay next to the plane.

Tony had watched them go, his temperature fluctuating. Rhodey's words of how he worked under Fury’s close friend, Major Natasha Romanova’s order, fading off into the distance.

 

So yeah, he wasn’t Fury’s biggest fan.

 

Even when a hazy memory of the man playing with him as a child tried to surface in Tony’s mind. 

That was the past. Tony wasn't a scared little boy anymore, and Fury wasn’t the kind soldier he had met so long ago.

 

“Did you really have to make  _ him _ my assistant?” Tony replied, his wit not seeming to have an effect on the man.

No, instead, a smile crept its way onto Fury’s face. One that seemed to crack and strain from lack of use. Tony would admit he found it a little disturbing.

 

“Absolutely,” Fury told him. Tony decided he might earn the label of mad man.

 

“Well,” Tony said moving onto a safer topic, “If you wouldn’t mind letting me borrow some of your men to help carry my equipment and living arrangements to a designated area, of your choice if you wish, I’ll be out of your-”

 

Tony stopped as Fury’s eyebrows raised in humorous disbelief. The closest thing Tony believed he would get to laughing. But, the genius only scowled. Not in the mood to be made the butt of a joke.

 

“What?” he demanded, not denying that maybe he was trying to start another fight between the two now that no one was there to stop it, “What’s so funny? We don’t want to see each other more than necessary, which has been made quite clear from both sides. With a little help, you won’t even know I’m here. Hopefully I won't know it either.”

Fury silently shook his head, giving Tony a once over that seemed to say he was the stupidest man the Major ever had the unfortunate pleasure of coming across. Which a multitude of professionals could prove as very, very false.

 

“Stark, do you know how long it takes to put up a tent the size of yours? Not even including the intricate equipment you brought that is currently scattered across my landing strip.”

Fury pointed in a vague fashion to Tony’s large pile of, what could have been considered, junk that had barely managed to fit on the plane and was taking up most of the runway.

 

Tony prickled at the thought of his babies being talked down upon, but relented that no, he didn’t know how long his exuberant living quarters would take to assemble. When he built his technology, by scratch mind you, he’d been in the middle of an inventing binge where time went by without him even noticing. 

Thinking about it now, spending a multitude of hours awake with no break for food or water wasn't a way to win him any help. Or allies. 

Not that he wanted to make allies. That would be playing straight into Howard’s plan.

It was better if Tony became the cold asshole people expected him to be, even if performing that role to its fullest took a toll on him.

It would only be two weeks.

 

“Fine,” Tony conceded, standing to his fullest, which was still shorter than Fury. 

 

He tried not to notice.

 

“What do you propose I do.”

It was less of a question and more of a demand that seemed to ruffle the Major’s feathers which Tony couldn't deny finding pleasure in.

 

“I suggest,” Fury said, “that you sleep in the soldier’s barracks for the night-”

 

Tony froze, the rest of the older man’s words not registering in his ears.

 

“No,” he cut in, not wanting to look too closely as to why he was so adamant against the suggestion.

Rhodey’s taunting voice echoed in the back of his head, but it was starting to become a real fear of Tony’s.

However, his refusal seemed to ignite a spark of anger in the Major, who looked to be a second away from doing some real damage to Tony’s physical self.

 

“And why not?” Fury growled, “is my hospitality not enough for the great Tony Stark? Would you rather sleep on the ground, because I’m not having my men be your personal servant’s all through the night. You either take what I can give you or you do it yourself. It's your choice.”

 

Tony wanted to argue. He wanted to fight the man until he couldn't see straight, and dawn had risen. Because that's what Tony did best. He avoided his problems. He ignored the fact that his anger had nothing to do with sleeping arrangements and much more to do with a shit ton of issues he didn't want to take out and examine in fear of total shut down.

The genius knew how to pick and choose his battles, and this one wasn't worth losing.

 

“Fine,” Tony growled.

He expected Fury to be smug because of his victory, to rub it in Tony’s face that he didn't get his way. But, it turned out gloating was the furthest thing from the man’s mind. 

Fury tilted his head, almost in confusion, as if something in him simply could not comprehend what Tony said. But, the puzzlement was gone fast enough that Tony could chalk it up to the intensity of the day getting to his head.

 

“Good,” Fury said stoically before he barked, “Barnes, attention.”

 

Tony didn’t have a moment to ask what the hell Fury meant when a rustling from the green behind him sounded.

Fear made his heart skip a beat, the satisfied flash in Fury’s eyes doing nothing to help.

Trying to ignore how sweaty his hands had become, Tony slowly turned to face what had just come out of the tree line. He had a telling discomfort that told him he was not prepared for what he was about to see.

But, his fear morphed into something he didn't quite understand when he saw who was standing there.

 

Tall, dark, and handsome stepped out from the shelter of the woods. There was a faint blush on his cheeks from being caught, but that was the only indication that he was even slightly unsettled.

 

“Sir,” the man’s deep voice answered.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Fury didn’t question why Sergeant Bucky Barnes, as Tony later found out was his name, had been watching them. Without a word on the man’s strange entrance, he ordered the brunette to take Tony to the barracks and give him one of the extra beds for the night.

He also explained that Tony would need help the next few days and that Bucky should gather a crew to provide him aid.

Without a hint as to what the soldier thought of the order, Barnes saluted his superior who nodded once at the two men before taking his leave.

 

The duo watched Fury go in silence. Listening to the crunch of his footsteps in the grass before it faded away, and his figure became a tiny dot in the distance.

Bucky was trained on the scene in front of him, as a good soldier should be. But, Tony was no such thing and he wouldn’t deny his curiosity when it came to the man beside him.

 

Barnes was as stiff and stoic as Rogers. They had the same tense strictness to their bodies that made Tony uneasy.

Were all the men at base going to be like this? 

Tony had only met a handful of soldiers on the tour he’d been given earlier, but they seemed friendly enough. Except for Old Bill, Tony thought with a shudder, a trace of the man’s bony hands still hovering above his back.

 

The group Tony had been introduced to while with the Captain wasn't a big enough data pool to make an accurate assumption on day to day life. Especially for an outsider like Tony. Was he really going to be stuck with a bunch of stuck up assholes?

 

Creepy, stuck up, assholes, Tony amended.

 

Barnes still hadn't made a hint of movement since his entrance, and Fury was long gone by now. Yet, there was a calculating glint in the man’s hawk like gaze, seeming to be deep in thought.

Tony chanced a glance at their surroundings, and noticed no one in the immediate area. He couldn’t help but hope the thoughts going through the soldier's head didn’t involve the quickest ways to dispose of a body.

 

Tony chose, naively, to believe that wasn’t the case until proven otherwise. But, still felt a blatant regret that he hadn't paid more attention to the tour he had been given instead of the infuriating, beautiful, blond giving it.

If he remembered where the barracks were he wouldn't need the Sergeant to lead the way, and he might still be alive by the end of the night.

 

A chill wind brushed against Tony’s arms, goosebumps erupted across his skin. It was getting dark now, long past sunset. 

Though in the day it still felt like summer, the nights came with a cool breeze and Tony would appreciate shelter from the wind.

He knew there was only one way to acquire such a thing, though.

 

He took his chance.

 

“Um...so...is it possible maybe for you to take me to the soldier’s sleeping quarters? If at all convenient...Mr. Barnes...sir?” The words felt foreign in Tony’s mouth. He hadn't been so unsure talking to someone since he was much younger, and he usually relied on his charm and wit to ease a situation. But, this man was giving him nothing to go on except murder eyes that made Tony just a little bit nervous.

 

Ok, a lot nervous.

 

The question hung in the air for only a moment before Barnes tilted his head, piercing Tony with his mere presence. 

He took a step closer to Tony until their chests were a hair's breadth away from touching, and the genius would not admit to his shaking knees. 

 

The soldier tilted his head down and breathed in heavily, as if taking in Tony’s scent to remember for later.

The brunette revised his statement. If it got him out of whatever horrible thing the Sergeant had planned, he would admit to his shaking knees and so much more.

 

There was the time he stole his father’s shoes and threw them in pond water when he was eight, or the instance he stumbled into a conference room half undressed because of the secret fondling he received from a secret brunette in the hall (Pepper had thrown a fit, stating that she was scandalized. But, he knew she had seen him in worse situations so didn't truly take it to heart), or there was the time-

 

“You’re smaller upclose,” Barnes said, taking a toothpick out of his pocket and sticking it in his mouth.

The genius stood and sputtered awkwardly as Barnes stepped out of his space, a friendly smile now gracing his lips. It was a complete one eighty from the moment before that left Tony entirely unprepared.

 

“....What did you just say to me?” He finally asked, trying to ignore the sudden charm the man was emitting so successfully.

 

“Well,” Barnes said, a sarcastic tilt to his voice, “I saw you before with Steve- you know the blond one who looked like he wanted to murder you- and you seemed taller from further away, but it’s not true. You’re like a tiny, little kitten,” it was said in such a way that Tony didn't even take it as an insult. He was more surprised about the fact that the words ‘tiny, little kitten’ had just left the mouth of the monstrous man in front of him.

Something was weird about the situation, and Tony had easily pinpointed exactly what that was.

 

“Well, thank you - I guess - Sergeant Barnes-”

 

“Bucky, please,” the man insisted, holding out his hand to shake, which Tony took without making too obvious of a hesitation, “all my friends call me Bucky.”

 

“And, you want to be my friend?” Tony chuckled, waiting for the man to realize what he’d said and fix his mistake immediately.

 

But, Bucky didn’t falter, there was a warmth to him that Tony couldn’t help but be drawn to.

 

“Yes, I think I would.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

“So why does Steve hate you so much?” Bucky asked as the two men leisurely walked the trek to the barracks.

The stars beamed down on them, a crescent moon illuminated their path. The cicadas hummed wildly to the sound of the forest, but besides that it was calm and silent as the world put itself to sleep.

The duo had been exchanging small talk up until this moment, and Tony was surprised by how comfortable it was. Normally, casual chit chat bored him to death. Or it was hidden with secret threats he had to decode, and was very tense. But with Bucky, conversation flowed easily and he found he was eager to talk more with him.

 

Though this question did, in fact, catch him off guard.

 

“Why were you hiding in the woods?” Tony countered, an edged smirk broke across the soldier’s face at the sharp banter his new companion shot back at him.

 

They were in a stalemate for a comfortable second before Bucky gave in. He hadn’t had much plan to hold out to begin with.

 

“In truth,” the brunette said, relenting to the other, “I’d been following Steve to make sure he was okay. Last time I saw him he had, how you would say, left in a hurry. I wanted to keep an eye on him without being too noticeable.”

 

“Well, you were noticed,” Tony replied, oddly surprised at the blatant honesty from the man, though trying not to make it known.

 

“Only because I wanted to be,” was Bucky’s only answer. Tony couldn't deny it sparked his curiosity, but it floated to the back of his mind quickly, “now it’s your turn. What’s wrong with you and Steve?”

Tony’s lips thinned at the question, not sure he was ready to lose the easy back and forth to the fight his answer was sure to start. Being around Bucky was nice. The soldier was a welcoming presence Tony would be ashamed to push away. It left him with only one real option. 

Doing what he did best, Tony avoided answering.

 

“Well, from what I can tell, the two of you are friends,” he said carefully to which Bucky answered, “The best of.”

Tony smiled at him, enjoying the way the man’s eyes twinkled in the moonlight.

 

“Well, in that case I don't think you’d like to hear what I have to say,” Tony told him, trying his best to make the situation known to Bucky without stating the obvious. Tony waited for the other shoe to drop, and for the man to close himself off from the genius for what he was insinuating. That fallout was inevitable. Tony was not looking forward to it. 

 

So, to Tony’s ever present surprise, Bucky laughed off the genius’s concern.

 

“Oh, please,” the brunette chuckled, a hint of a Brooklyn accent slipping into his speech, which, wow, really that just wasn’t fair, “I’ve known Steve my entire life, I’m fully aware that he’s no walk in the park to be around. Especially when he’s not in the best of moods. If there’s anyone who can understand what being on his bad side is like, it’s me.”

 

Tony turned to face Bucky, suspicion becoming transparent. But, the soldier was quick to reassure him.

 

“I won’t be offended by what you say about him,” Bucky said, “you can tell me what’s wrong.”

 

“Well…” Tony eventually surrendered. The butterfly's in his stomach making him feel like he was walking over a minefield. 

“I wasn’t exactly a dime when we first met. I think he got a bad impression, which isn’t uncommon when it comes to me. So I can’t blame him too much for that,” he left out the part where Rogers had been just as much of a dick back to him. But, didn’t want to upset the one person who seemed to actually enjoy his company thus far.

 

Which was why Bucky’s surprised and somewhat angry, “What?” Caught him off guard.

When Tony made to apologize for whatever he had done wrong, Bucky was outraged.

 

Just not at Tony. 

 

It seemed like he was upset only by the words Tony had spoken.

Before the genius could inquire to the change of mood, a gang of inebriated soldier’s passed by the pair. All of them eyeing Tony like he was a sweet from the local candy shop. 

The brunette tried to suppress his shudder and hid further behind Bucky as they called out to him.

 

“Hey, Stark,” one of soldier’s whistled, side eyeing his buddies to make sure they saw how audacious he was being, “I know you’re a genius and all so I was wondering...I got this awful ache in my trousers, truly something terrible. I was hoping those petal lips of yours could do something about it, looks like you would know exactly what to do with them.”

The boys around him hooted and hollered, as Tony felt an ugly pit of emotion carve out a home inside him. 

But, before he even had the chance to make the soldier’s back off, Bucky was after them with a fire that licked at his skin.

 

“I dare you to say that again,” Bucky growled, grabbing the man by his shirt and throwing him to the ground.

Dust billowed up around the fallen soldier. Reminding Tony of the beginnings of a tornado in the south. He shuffled away from the development in front of him on instinct. Not wanting to get caught up in the violence.

 

“What the hell!” The man shouted, his fresh uniform and crisp hair ruined from his fall.

 

Bucky hovered over him menacingly and placed his boot on the man’s chest, certainly going to leave a stain. Tony couldn't find it in him to feel too sorry.

 

“If you ever talk to him that way again, I’ll personally see to it that you’re removed from this base and stripped of any title you may have earned, do you understand me.”

 

Bitterness and fear warred in the unknown soldier's eyes until, smartly, fear won out.

 

“Yes sir,” he replied, noticing that all of his friends had run off.

 

“Louder,” Bucky ordered.

 

“Yes, sir,” the soldier all but snarled, resentment in the undertones of his voice. But, it wasn't enough for the brunette.

 

“I said louder,” Bucky barked, using the foot that was on the man’s chest to push him deeper into the ground. The soldier winced, the pressure turning painful.

 

“Yes, sir!” Shouted the soldier without a hint of disrespect this time, though he sounded panicked. Only then did Bucky seem satisfied, he took his boot off the man’s chest.

Tony watched the soldier, uncoordinatedly, scramble to his feet. His eyes were wide, like those of a scared rodent.

 

“Good, now get out of my sight,” Bucky demanded, the man didn't hesitate to run away.

Like with Fury, Bucky watched the soldier go until the outline of his body was a blurry picture. The Sergeant was still tense, and Tony wouldn't deny it made him a tad nervous. But, he knew if he didn’t get out the words sitting in his chest now, he’d be too much of a coward to do it later.

 

“Thank you, for that,” Tony spoke up, daring to rest a hand on the man’s shoulder.

Bucky spun back around to him, a dying heat still in his dark eyes.

 

“Of course,” he said, sounding earnest, sounding  _ honest _ , “No one should be treated with such little respect.” 

 

Tony was taken aback.

No one he’d met in his entire life had ever stood up for him like that before.

Yes, there was Pepper and Rhodey who he knew would defend him until their last breaths, but that was because they had known him for years. Bucky Barnes had only just become acquainted with Tony yet already had gotten into a fight because of him.

The genius choked down the emotion building in his throat so as not to scare the other man away.

 

“Thank you,” Tony professed again, to which the brunette nodded.

 

The two walked the rest of the way in comfortable silence before making it to the barracks. Once again, enjoying the evening air around them. The slight bump in their journey seemed like a bad dream now that Tony stood nervously in front of the camps housing building. It stood ominously above all other things except the surrounding trees, and seemed to glare down upon Tony with its intensity.

The genius took a deep breath, knowing if he wasted much more time taking it all in he wouldn’t be walking through the doors. Tony reached for the handle that led to his new sleeping quarters, but Bucky’s hand shot out at the same time to stop him. His hold coming to grip Tony’s wrist loosely.

 

“Barnes?” Tony asked, seeing that the man had something to say brewing on the tip of his tongue. It wouldn’t have made him nervous if it wasn’t for the way the man fiddled with the toothpick in his mouth skittishly.

 

“Are you...this may sound ridiculous, but are you Tony  _ Stark _ ?”

 

Everything came crashing down around Tony, a bitterness making his mouth taste sour as he stepped away from Barnes all together. Crossing his arms in an attempt to protect himself.

So that’s why Bucky had been so welcoming. He hadn't realized who Tony was. The genius knew his kindness had been too good to be true. No one was ever so nice to him for any reason other than flat out manipulation.

Tony waited for Bucky to go cold on him, and readied himself for the man to take back his hand of friendship. Knowing that it was too late for anything but the truth now.

 

“That would be me,” Tony answered, slipping into his fake persona so easily. The person that could take the hatred Tony Stark knew he could not.

 

Bucky’s eyes went wide at the omission, like, all of a sudden, the parts clicked into place.

 

“So that’s why Stevie’s acting so weird,” the brunette mumbled to himself. But, Tony didn’t have time to question him as that particular trail of thought made tension seize his body.

Fury may have been right, Tony was an idiot.

 

How could he not have realized sooner. Captain Roger’s would be in there. Of course he would be, he was probably five feet away from Tony right now and he hadn't thought of it the entire hike up here. What a genius he turned out to be. Almost forgetting that Bucky hated him now, Tony frantically asked the question giving him heartburn.

 

“Is Rogers going to be in there?” Tony asked, trying to sound gruff, knowing that wasn’t what came out at all.  

A slightly condescending chuckle fell from Bucky’s lips at the question, and Tony would have been a more ruffled if it wasn't for the Sergeant’s reassuring reply.

 

“No, Tony, you’re safe from him here,” the brunette promised, “as a higher ranking official he has his own tent further down the hill.”

Tony let his gaze fall down the incline to where Bucky indicated, and noticed a clump of tents all standing side by side. One of them was certain to house a blond that maybe made Tony a little crazy. 

At least he was far away, Tony didn't think he’d be able to handle the man sleeping next to him without fearing a knife in his sternum as a wake up call. 

 

_ Unless Bucky does it for him _ , Tony’s head tried to say convincingly. But, he didn't quite believe it. If Bucky hated him the way Steve did, he wouldn't be able to hide his disgust this well. Maybe, just maybe, Bucky didn't despise him. It was a dangerous thought that had already hooked Tony in and wouldn't let him go.

Bucky, meanwhile, was oblivious to his new friends internal crisis as he reached for the door handle, and pulled it open.

There was an immediate reaction where Tony’s mind went blank. Not something that happened often. The sound of arguing and loud crashes became abundantly clear.

When Tony glanced at Bucky for confirmation that this was right, there was a wide grin on his face.

 

Tony had been wrong, oh so wrong, about soldiers. Boring and stoic and bland they were not. A pair of shirtless, sweaty men wrestled their way across the room while another group roared in laughter and even more were sitting to the side playing a card game.

Hard bodies, and cigarette smoke greeted Tony in a dizzy sweep that made arousal churn dangerously in his stomach.

Oh, he was in so much trouble.

 

“Welcome home,” Bucky said before leading Tony into the fray.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this seems like alot of stucky but its not i just love their friendship and think its important not to minimalize buckys relationship with steve when it obviously means alot to both of them...though stony is forever otp sorry about it

 

The silver sliver in the sky illuminated the dying grass at Steve’s feet.

 

Beyond the tips of the tents, the Captain could spot smoke from the bonfire rising into the atmosphere, bringing light to the joyful cries of Steve’s troops. It was a rare night that his men celebrated, but they had received news of a battle down south that had taken out a good chunk of their enemies men and couldn't help but rejoice.

Steve hadn't been surprised to learn James Rhodes was head of said battle.

 

He was proud of his friend, and picked his half filled beer bottle up to silently salute the man’s victory. 

Though, no matter how Steve tried to convince himself otherwise, the loss of life wasn’t something to raise a glass to.

Even when Steve wholeheartedly hated what the other side of this war stood for, he knew they had been brainwashed to believe what they fiercely fought to achieve. If they could have been shown the error of their ways…

 

Steve sighed, it was no use thinking about.

 

Peace never sold as well as war.

 

In a fit of momentary rage, Steve stood from where he had been sitting on a mossy rock, and chucked his beer bottle at a nearby tree trunk.

The glass shattered into starlight before raining down into the dark where it would be lost forever.

He thought maybe the act of violence would help lessen the ache inside him, but it didn’t. In the absence of anger left a hollowness that Steve hated more than anything.

 

That hollowness led to a deep seated exhaustion Steve found himself falling into. It wasn’t a state of relaxation normal, earned tiredness provided. Instead, it felt like he was plummeting into a black hole of nothingness with no way out and no indication of where the bottom was. 

The Captain shook his head and trudged his way to the flap of his tent, feeling defeated. 

But, the sound of paper crunching underfoot made him pause.

Steve came up short before another step could be taken, and carefully moved his boot off the note. He snatched the delicate thing up, stopping it from blowing away in the wind, and held it in front of him.

At the familiar handwriting addressing his name, Steve knew what it was.

It was the reason he hadn’t joined his men’s festivities in the first place. 

 

Steve wanted to feel angry, as he had on the first day he met Tony Stark, but he couldn't muster the energy.

The letter was sent to the soldier earlier in the day by one of Fury’s assistants, a young boy too innocent to be anywhere but safe at home. 

The notice, as previously stated, was from the Major ordering him to assist Stark the following day with an underlying threat that if he tried to get out of it there’d be hell to pay. 

Steve scowled at the page before crumpling it up and stuffing it into his pocket. He stormed into his tent, refusing to think anymore on the subject at hand, already unbuttoning his shirt so he could sleep for the night.

 

Three days had passed by since that  _ man _ had arrived at camp, and Steve had been spending all of them trying to get away from him. Not that Stark seemed overly eager to seek him out either, to his relief. 

Though, a twinge of guilt sat heavily in Steve’s chest everytime he let himself dwell on that fact. He had promised Rhodes that he would look out for Stark, make sure no one took advantage of him or let him get hurt. But he couldn't make himself set aside his own distaste for the man long enough to make contact. Nevermind try to get to know the guy.

Part of Steve didn’t even really know why he hated Stark so much. Sure, he was infuriating and rude, and had scared Steve to death during their first encounter. But, the Captain had always managed to put a convincing mask on for those he didn’t like in the past. What was so different this time? 

Steve wished he didn’t already know the answer.

 

There was something about Tony that made him lose all control.

 

Maybe it was the telling glances the man would inevitably shoot him throughout the day. The ones that made Steve believe Stark could read him easier than an open book, and see through all his carefully built defenses. 

Or, it could be the way Tony always appeared to look down upon him. Acting like Steve was worth less solely because he didn’t have a billion dollar fortune to back up his name.

 

The soldier bitterly flung his shirt to the ground, feeling irrationally angry that it didn’t do anymore damage then lay in a crumpled heap on the floor.

He glared at it for far longer than acceptable before falling backwards onto his bed.

The old thing creaked under the weight of Steve’s body, but he wasn’t about to complain. He’d gotten back from an active battle ground only two weeks ago, where he’d be lucky if he caught some shut eye in the pits of the trenches. 

He was beyond grateful to have the worn piece of furniture underneath him, supporting him.

 

He bet Tony Stark had never known such gratitude.

 

The blond groaned his annoyance at himself now, and flipped over so he could bury his head in a pillow. 

Why? Why couldn’t he get the infuriating brunette off his mind! 

Even when he’d done his best to avoid the man, to not see him throughout the day, his thoughts betrayed him.

Steve closed his eyes as he felt the fabric underneath him grow hot from his breath.

 

He just wanted to sleep his problems away. Let his dreams carry him miles and miles away from the life he was living now.

 

But, when did anything go the way he wanted it to.

 

“Enough, Steve,” Bucky Barnes seethed as he burst into Steve’s tent. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

He hadn’t been ignoring Bucky, really he hadn’t.

 

He’d been ignoring Tony, and Bucky just happened to be around the brunette  _ all _ the time now a days. 

 

Yeah, he heard how that sounded too.

 

Steve wouldn’t deny he was frustrated with his best friend for not sharing his hatred in Stark, but he wasn't petty enough to actively evade him.

It’s not like the growing distance between them had anything to do with Steve overhearing his best friend telling Tony Stark to give him a chance, as if  _ Steve _ was the problem in the situation.

Where was Barnes even getting that idea to begin with?

 

Unfortunately, Bucky had the answer to that question.

 

“Sit up, you lug,” the brunette pestered, giving Steve a hard shove so they could lay in bed together.

It was a ritual they used to partake in when they were younger, and Steve was more sickly. Bucky would always come and snuggle the smaller of the two in bed, warming him up until he felt better.

The routine had trickled away as they got older, joined the military, and Steve grew healthier. 

But, every once in a while the two would find each other at night and stay until morning came. 

Bucky was a safety blanket Steve would always cherish.

 

The Captain rolled his eyes in a show of disdain, playing the part he knew he was supposed to. But, he happily moved over, as they both knew he would, so Bucky could flop down on the mattress. 

 

“Hey,” Steve complained as his friend got comfortable, “don’t break my bed. It’s not like we’re getting new ones anytime soon.”

 

“Oh, relax you eighty year old,” Bucky snorted as he pulled the covers up around the pair, “you should be thanking me. If your bed breaks at least the men will finally think you get some.”

Steve cheeks heated up something fierce, his pale complexion doing nothing to hide the flush. He gladly punched his friend in the arm, hard enough to actually hurt, though Bucky only laughed at Steve’s attempt like he was nothing more than an angry puppy.

 

“The men can think of me however they want, I don’t really care. However, they should also know I’m far from a blushing virgin if that’s the image they have in their heads. Now why are you here, Buck?”

Steve asked, not meaning to get angry with his friend. But, he had already been on a short leash from earlier in the night, and this was not helping.

Bucky, as Steve always knew he would, understood him and the mood sobered.

Steve would deny the guilt he felt at seeing the happy glint in his friend’s eye disappear, but felt it nonetheless.

As the years had gone by Bucky’s happiness, that had once kept Steve going when things seemed impossible, had been making less and less of an appearance. 

 

“We need to talk, Stevie,” the brunette said making fierce eye contact with the blond, letting him know there was no way he was getting out of it.

Steve bit his lip at the comment and pulled his knees up so they rested under his chin. He was aware he looked like a child when he did this, but that’s how Bucky made him feel. Like a child who didn’t know right from wrong.

Bucky pushed at Steve’s knees, the Captain could tell he was trying to brush off how hurt he actually was. But, Steve could see that he had messed up.

 

“What’s wrong, Buck?” Steve ventured to ask. Feeling like there was an abyss of space separating them, though they were sitting side by side. Bucky felt so far away, and Steve was afraid, that no matter how he tried, he wouldn’t be able to reach him again. 

They had never been like this before, and Steve didn’t know how to navigate this new playing field. 

 

Bucky, however, took the plunge, not afraid of what was waiting at the bottom.

 

He had always been braver than Steve was.

 

“Why have you been avoiding me, Rogers?” Bucky asked, blunt as ever. Sometimes Steve appreciated it, other times it made him want to hide away from the world. 

How did he explain to his best friend that he felt betrayed he was helping out a man who was under Steve’s protection. How did he even begin to describe what he was feeling, when Steve himself was so confused by it.

 

But, he was taking too long to answer, and Bucky jumped the gun for him. A present anger in his voice now.

 

“Let me rephrase that,” Bucky all but spat at him, “have you been ignoring me because I’ve been helping Stark.”

It wasn’t a question. Accusation was more like it.

And now, a flame started to burn inside Steve, too. 

The Captain couldn’t stop the words that brimmed on his tongue.

 

“And what if I have been,” Steve snapped, shocking Bucky into silence, “maybe I’m feeling a bit hurt, yeah? That everytime I see you, you’re practically hanging off Tony Stark’s arm like he’s paying you. How you’re the first one to offer your assistance whenever he asks for it. Where do your loyalties lie, Bucky, because I’m confused.”

Steve was a second away from flinging off the covers and running away from his friend, as cowardly as that made him sound. But, the man’s words seemed to root the soldier to the ground. 

 

Or in this case, his body did.

 

All two hundred pounds of Bucky Barnes flung himself at Steve, knocking him off the bed and onto the floor. 

The bottom of the tent dug into Steve’s back uncomfortably as he tried to fight Bucky off, but it was no use. Steve had been caught off guard and now was stuck until his friend decided he had been punished enough.

 

“What the hell is your problem,” Bucky snapped at him, long hair falling far enough to tickle Steve’s forehead, “I’m being polite to Stark, something that you haven’t been since his arrival. He’s here to gather information to help us win a war, so no I’m not exactly mad at him. When he comes by asking for help setting up his science equipment or tent, I’m going to agree. Unlike you, I have manners, and all he’s been is charming since he’s gotten here. Hell, you can’t even say anything about me helping him because normally you’re first in line to lend assistance. What happened to that Steve, that’s the man I know. That’s the man that deserves the title of Captain, not this pathetic piece of scrap on the floor.”

 

And, yeah ok that hurt. 

Steve and Bucky hadn’t fought like this in a long time, and Steve felt an ache cut deep at his brother telling him he didn’t deserve the title he had earned. Because he was acting childish, nonetheless. 

Which Steve, normal Steve, not the one who was filled with rage, would understand. But, it still hurt to know Bucky hadn’t taken his side in this. They were supposed to stick together, always. 

 

“What has he ever done to you, Steve?” Bucky asked, letting his friend stand up, disappointment in the dips and craters of his face. 

The brunette offered a hand to help Steve to his feet, but the Captain refused. Insisting he push himself up and brush the dirt off, a silent anger radiated off of him as the friends faced each other.

 

“You want to know what he’s done to me,” Steve asked, with a detached coldness, “he flew an unauthorized plane into my territory and the only thought on my mind was that you were all going to die. He does whatever he wants without a second thought, without caring about the fallout. You could have  _ died _ Buck, and he didn’t care. He went on his way flirting with anything that breathed, with no mind to how my heart was still pounding because I’d been certain I was about to lose everything. He takes for granted the life he’s lived while I still remember you’re gaunt face on a night where we didn’t have the money to eat. He walks all over people like us. He builds his empire on the  _ backs _ of people like us. And, I overhear you telling him to give me a chance? Sorry that I’m not going to be nice to the guy.”

 

Bucky’s face went white, and it took a moment for the Captain to understand why. When he did, it didn't make him any happier.

 

“Yeah,” Steve said at Bucky’s guilty expression, “I heard that.” 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_ The Captain had been searching for Bucky on his way to dinner in hopes they could talk. The pair hadn’t seen a lot of each other in the past days and Steve wouldn’t deny missing the company. Which, he wouldn't be missing at all if it weren’t for- _

 

_ Steve stopped that line of thought before it escalated.  _

_ He was going to find Bucky and they would eat and talk like normal. Everything would be fine. _

_ The Captain almost convinced himself of that, too, before he spotted his friend talking to the one person Steve was trying his hardest to avoid. _

 

_ The pair seemed to be in deep conversation, and Steve was about to turn away having no interest in watching the two, when he heard one of them say his name. _

_ Curiosity getting the best of the ugly emotion building in his chest, the soldier snuck up on the pair, using the shadows of the forest as his cover. _

 

_ “-hates me,” Tony Stark finished saying, crossing his arms over his chest. Steve didn’t want to notice how the muscles in his back rippled at the movement. He did. _

_ Bucky smiled at the man, a smile he used when consoling people he cared for. The brunette looped an arm around Stark’s neck, a fond twinkle in his eye. _

 

_ “It’s only been two days, Tony,” Bucky said, “You have to give him more time then that. You’re right, I don’t know why Steve’s being like this, and I’ll try to find out for you if I can. But, I promise you Steve’s a good guy. Give him a chance.” _

 

_ Steve couldn't bear to hear more. The sickly acid of betrayal eating away at his insides until he wasn’t hungry anymore. _

 

_ ~~~~~~~~~~ _

 

“I heard it, alright,” Steve admitted, the memory producing the same rotten feeling as the first time.

 

Bucky had the decency to wince, “Steve...I didn’t know how you felt, or why you felt-”

 

“I know,” the blond cut in, not up for hearing Bucky’s excuses.

Bucky's eyes went dark at being cut off, but he took a deep breath and controlled himself.

 

“All I’m gonna say is that he’s not a bad guy. I know you two got off on the wrong foot, but there’s a lot more to him then you see. I haven’t figured out exactly what he’s hiding, or how much, but it’s there. You should give him a chance, too. I-I think you could be friends.”

Steve felt the tension leave his body, as he took Bucky in.

He knew his friend. Had known him for his entire life. 

He realized Bucky wasn’t trying to hurt, but help him. He was better than Steve ever would be, and he all of a sudden felt very guilty for having yelled at him.

Taking the initiative, because he couldn’t stand fighting with his brother for any longer, Steve got back into bed.

Making sure to leave an obvious space for Bucky to join him.

 

The brunette smiled, and accepted the olive branch. 

Steve felt the tension in his body ease.

Soon enough they were settled in, curled up tight as they had as kids while waiting for Steve’s mother to come kiss them goodnight.

“You know, I’ve got to say,” Bucky broke the silence, “it  _ was _ funny to see him struggle with setting up his tent. For being an engineering genius, he had no idea what he was doing.”

Steve snorted a laugh at the mental image of Stark trying to figure out how all the pieces fit together.

 

“He doesn’t have a clue as to what he’s gotten himself into,” Steve replied, leaning forward to blow out the candle on the desk next to his bed.

It went dark and Steve snuggled deeper under the covers, content to feel the extra heat Bucky’s back was giving off.

 

“You know I’ll always be here for you,” Bucky whispered into the void for only Steve to hear.

The emotion in his voice cut at the Captain, and the blond realized how deeply he had hurt his friend tonight. 

It seemed ridiculous now. No matter how angry Steve became, he knew Bucky would always have his back. The fact that he’d made his friend doubt that, even for a moment, made Steve disappointed in himself.

 

“Of course I do, you idiot,” Steve replied fondly, “even if you ended up marrying Tony Stark tomorrow, you’ll always be my brother.”

 

Steve could feel the tension in Bucky’s body ease without touching him. And, Steve felt content, too. 

As the pair drifted to sleep, the blond knew whatever life threw at them they would be ok.

They would always have each other.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there might be a little forshadowing at the end there but you didnt hear it from me  
> Comments and kudos are always welcome


	5. Chapter 5

Tony decided, as he rose from his heavy slumber, that the sun had been created solely to spite him.

 

With an irritated groan, the genius flipped onto his stomach to give his eyes a break from the sharp light.

He had only managed a few hours of sleep before he was rudely woken by the early morning. He’d been up all night assembling the pieces of equipment he needed to recreate his workshop away from home. Tony had formatted a plan to span out the entire workload across another two days due to how intricate the process was to construct most of his machines.

 

That was before he heard the joyful cries falling from the lips of elated men.

 

James Rhodes had led a battle down south. He had won. 

 

It was supposed to be good news but cold sweat had drenched Tony, its icy grasp seeming to paralyze him.

 

Rhodey had won a major victory for their side. Good, great, nothing could be better. Right? That’s what the men around here had said, many of them even came to him with an invitation to their celebration. But, the minute Tony heard the words, “Rhodes,” and “battle,” he was out of commission for the rest of the night.

Fear ate away at him until he thought he was going to lose his mind. He tried, when at home, not to dwell on James’s job with the army. He liked to pretend the man’s only occupation was as Tony’s bodyguard. But, when the evidence was right in his face, he couldn't turn a blind eye.

Instead, Tony had taken the watered down beer offered to him, and locked himself away for the rest of the night. Trying to ignore the tears escaping him as he furiously built up his creations to their former glory.

 

The genius knew his friend was safe, and probably celebrating his own victory. But, the idea of his body limp, cold, was one that Tony didn't think would ever stop haunting him. Tony clenched his eyes tight, and decided that when he opened them again thoughts of Rhodey would clear from his head. He had a big day ahead of him, he couldn’t afford to be distracted.

 

For, of course, Captain Rogers would be arriving at his tent in only a few minutes.

 

And Tony had already started with a disadvantage.

 

Feeling a deep ache still rooted in his bones, Tony shucked off his covers and languidly got to his feet. 

He hadn't had much interaction with Rogers for a few days now, except for the distrustful glares shared between them whenever the need arose. They both seemed to prefer it that way.

Through all the men that came by to assist Tony in building his tent and equipment, the good Captain was never one of them. It rubbed Tony the wrong. Wasn’t Rogers supposed to be a leader to his soldiers? Wasn’t he supposed to set an example? The fact that he was acting so immature was enough for Tony to form a nasty opinion about the man. No matter what Bucky or anyone else said about giving him a chance.

 

Tony groaned, deciding it was too early in the morning for hard thinking such as this.

The genius took a much needed stretch to loosen the cricks in his neck and back, satisfied as his bones popped and dawn turned to early morning.

Shivering from the dewy air, Tony picked out a heavier shirt and a decent pair of trousers to wear.

When all was said and done, he took a moment to observe his redesigned surroundings.

 

The night previous the genius had been delirious with the need to get everything perfectly placed and set up, leading him to crash hard afterward. 

It wasn’t a surprise to say that it happened. There’d been many a time where Tony had tumbled into an inventing binge, and forgotten what he created until he came up for air hours later. 

It made him feel like a kid on Christmas morning, never quite sure what he would find under the tree when he woke up from a tense night of excitement.

This time was no different, though there was no tree in sight.

 

Tony looked upon his sparkling achievements with a glint of fondness in his eyes. The way they hissed and sparked as they came to life under his touch was magical, and it gave the genius a taste of home. Something he’d been longing for for four days now. Which was a surprise in itself. Tony couldn’t remember the last time he’d been homesick, but the forced departure took a toll on him.

And, he loved his machines.

 

Except when they let out high pitched squealing noises just for the hell of it.

 

Tony grunted in annoyance as his hands came to cover his ears at the obnoxious emittance. It was too early in the morning for this.

Especially without coffee. 

Who knew the army didn't serve anything but straight black, which Tony personally found disgusting. He missed his cream and sugar in the hot beverage that kept him pleasurable. Needless to say, if he had been more grouchy than usual, there was a good reason for it.

 

“Shut up, Dummy,” Tony berated the familiar construction to his right. The one that liked to malfunction whenever it saw fit. Also the one that had squeaked its way into Tony’s heart and refused to leave.

As if on cue the machine went quiet again, and Tony removed his hands from his ears.

 

“One of these days you’re going to get an upgrade, and there’s nothing you can do to change my mind,” Tony threatened too fondly to be anything but a facade. Dummy hissed one last time as if in answer. Tony shook his head at the things cheek.

 

“And talking back, you better watch it,” Tony warned, though he was already moving on, his attention drawn to the next shiny object that caught his eye.

That object happened to be food.

Tony’s stomach grumbled with the need for sustenance. The gnawing ache strong enough to truly grab his notice. 

 

Picking up one of his packs, the genius started rummaging through it for any rations Tony was sure Rhodey had hidden in there for when he forgot to eat. His friend knew him too well, and the genius had never been more grateful for it. 

As expected, the food was under a canister of drinking water that Tony took a sip of before tossing to the side. He then pulled out the package and downed it unceremoniously, not having the patience for a real breakfast. The grain was stale, and had little flavor, but soothed the anger in his stomach. For the moment, it would do. 

 

Though Rhodey drove him crazy sometimes, (like when he was out trying to get himself killed) Tony was grateful for his best friend. And he took solace in remembering their latest encounter...

 

“Don’t fall in love while you’re here, Tones. Especially not with Rogers over there who hasn’t been able to take his eyes off of you this entire time.”

 

Tony had to hide the choked bought of laughter that tried to escape him as James stepped back. The genius attempted to cover up his surprise with a cough, but Fury was looking his way. A scowl sat on his face, like he knew they were up to no good. Then again the Major always looked like that when it came to Tony.

 

Oh well.

 

It didn’t stop the glare Tony threw at his friend as the man stepped through the plane’s door with Pepper on his arm. Ironically, the redhead had already given Tony a similar warning. They really were one and the same. 

 

If only they knew how wrong they were.

 

With every second spent in the Captain’s presence, Tony grew to dislike him more and more. Romantic interest was nowhere in their future.

Just to prove that point to himself and anyone watching, when Tony turned away from the plane and spotted the Captain with his icy glare pinned on him, the genius flipped him off. 

 

That would prove to everyone, including himself, that Tony was far from interested…

 

Tony still grew far too satisfied when he thought back on the Captain’s look of vexation. 

Tony would show to anyone who dared that he was not to be trifled with. Whether it was to the gang of soldiers Bucky had taken down a couple nights ago, or the goddamn Major of the base.

 

He would show them all. 

 

The thought sat strongly in his mind as Tony opened the back flap of his tent to relieve himself in the woods. 

 

Rhodes was wrong, Tony decided confidently, wandering far enough away from camp that no one would notice him. 

No matter how attractive some of the men at base were, Tony had no plans of falling for any of them.

The genius had stayed only the one night in the barracks with soldiers. And, though it had been an interesting experience, Tony respected that the majority were straight.

 

...though, Tony would admit to fantasizing about what might happen if the men he met weren’t straight.

 

The genius bit his tongue, realizing he was headed into dangerous territory with that trail of thought. Yet, not sure he cared enough to stop. He had held himself in line through the entire trip so far, would it really be so bad to let his mind wander?

 

He should have thought about that answer before he already let himself drift. The luxury of his daydream sweeping him off his feet.

Tony’s night sleeping in the soldier’s quarters had given him a lot of materiel to work with. 

The room had been alive with strong bodies, and sly accents that did terribly wonderful things to Tony’s poor heart.

It started with Bucky, who fit right into the mold as soon as they had stepped into the compound. Seeming to seamlessly switch from proud Sergeant to easy going soldier in a manner of seconds.

On just the right side of dangerous, the brunette had thrown an arm over Tony’s shoulder guiding him to each different cluster of soldiers to be introduced.

 

In fact, the man hadn’t left Tony’s side the entire night, and though the genius tried not to entertain the thought, it felt like Bucky had been showing him off. 

 

The worst part was, Tony liked it.

 

Immediately, a dozen fantastical scenarios came to Tony’s mind, but he didn’t let himself fall into any of them. You see, there was this one, tiny problem that kept coming up.

The thought frustrated him as he found a good spot to stop and shucked down his pants.

 

Tony respected Bucky too much. Which felt far too much like what Howard wanted him to feel about the men he met here.

Bucky had taken Tony under his wing of sorts. He always seemed to be ready to lend a hand or grab a bite with Tony so the genius didn't feel lonely. It reminded Tony of Rhodey. 

 

A good friend, a good man. Not someone Tony could ever pursue.

 

The lineup of men he could fantasize about sexually lost a good contender because of it...

 

Yeah, he heard himself too.

 

Nonetheless, next would be Clint Barton. A dirty blond who had given Tony a once over that made his toes curl. 

The soldier was almost as bad as Tony when it came to propriety. And, if Tony allowed himself to let his guard down he knew the two of them would get along beautifully. They were both witty and brimming with mischievous energy.

 

The sex would be amazing, Tony added as he zipped himself back up and headed out of the privacy of the trees, back to his tent.

But, Barton was almost a bit too much like Tony for the genius to feel comfortable. 

 

Therefore, Bruce Banner would be next in the lineup. 

 

The man was shy and sweet and adorable. He made Tony want to wrap him up in a blanket and protect him from the cruel world.

Best of all, he understood science, Tony had found that out when the man was helping him assemble one of his gadgets the day prior. Tony had a hard time controlling himself after that. However he later caught wind of a dame Bruce had waiting home for him. 

It was a shame truly that that beautiful hunk of brain no longer qualified for the list as Tony felt too guilty thinking about him in any other way then a friend. Which was all for the better really.

Besides, if Tony was being honest with himself, which he tried his best not to do, there was only one soldier who wouldn’t leave his mind. 

 

One that drove Tony mad, though in a way he yearned for that madness even if he wouldn't admit. 

As much as Tony wanted to stop this particular fantasy, his inner self was already on board with it. And, finally, Tony decided there wasn’t too much harm in dreaming. 

 

Piercing, ice blue eyes conjured in his head. A bead of sweat rolled down the Captain’s forehead, and his golden hair fell slightly over his line of vision. For only a moment he wasn't the picture of a perfect soldier. And, though there was a slight smirk on his lips, there was none of the hostility Tony had come to expect from the man.

Steve Rogers whispered his name like a prayer, pulling him closer, and closer. He was a siren, and Tony was helpless. But, if he was being honest there was no other place he’d rather be than in the man’s arms. The genius would willing release control to the soldier in front of him, in fact he yearned for it.

A warm sort of daze muted Tony’s senses as he opened the back entrance to his tent and stepped through. The blond Adonis still on his mind, the feel of his taut body a tantalizing tease on Tony’s fingertips.

 

“Mr. Stark,” a clipped voice called from the front of his tent.

 

Tony’s head snapped up, like cold water dousing him back to reality where the world seemed duller then only a moment before. 

Standing in his direct line of sight was none other than his forbidden fantasy. 

 

The strong body and blue eyes were the same, but the stiff, uncomfortable stance betrayed the truth of the situation.

Though, it was clear that the soldier was trying to keep the proceedings professional, the hint of resentment in the man’s gaze was the tell that showed his real feelings for the genius.

Tony felt his desire shrivel up and die. 

There was a reason Steve would never make it past a fantasy, the man hated him, and the feeling truly was mutual.

 

Steve was a pompous, arrogant jerk who thought himself better than the genius solely due to the lies spread about him in the papers. If he wasn’t willing to double check his facts, Tony didn’t want any part of him.

The smaller man tried not to let his hatred show as he took in Rogers. For apparently too long to be comfortable without replying to the man’s greeting. 

 

Steve cleared his throat heavily as a sign to get this meeting started so that it could end as quickly as possible.

 

“Captain Rogers,” Tony drawled, fully prepared to be the total asshole Roger’s expected him to be.

If that’s how the man wanted to play it, the genius wouldn’t disappoint.

 

“Take a seat anywhere, sweetcheeks,” Tony gestured, turning his back on the man to get out the notes for his current project. Tony had a full range of different equipment he had planned to design. Rogers was going to be his prototype.

As Tony flipped open his notebook, he heard the man shuffling around the organized mess the genius called his home. 

There was an awkwardness to the man’s movement the soldier didn’t seem accustomed to as he tripped over a pile of books Tony must have stacked up the night previous. The genius mentally patted himself on the back, and waited for a sharp comment from the Captain as he brushed himself off from his fall.

 

Rogers was a military man, and military men liked cleanliness. 

 

Tony didn’t live by even remotely the same rules.

 

With only having three days to set up all the required necessities for his projects, Tony’s tent was a mess. 

Metal scraps, pens, paper, toiletries, were all randomly scattered on a multitude of tables Fury had lent him. And the rest of it was on the floor, making it difficult to move around if you didn't know where you wanted to go.

It was just as Tony liked it. But, by the disgusted look on Rogers face when he walked in, Tony knew it was getting to him. And, he couldn’t wait for the inevitable explosion.

 

Tony flipped to an empty page in his notebook, and plopped himself on his unmade bed, anticipation rolling through him.

But, what he saw when he faced the blond again was...disappointing.

 

Steve sat on a recently vacated stool with a cool expression on his face, as if to say, try me. 

The papers that had lived on the seat for the past few days were now organized neatly on an inch of the table that wasn't completely covered, and Rogers was as level headed as ever.

Tony wouldn't deny he had hoped the mess would be enough to get at the man. But, it was ok. He had much more up his sleeve then just that. He made sure not to react to Steve’s collected disinterest in case the man took it for the win it most certainly was not. This was far from over.

 

“Since this is only our first session,” Tony started, going into business mode for the time being, careful to keep his attention focused on anything but the Captain, “I want to ask you some questions to get more of a feel as to what I should be reporting. To my father that is.”

Tony added obnoxiously. He knew it wasn’t enough to break the man, but little by little he planned to wear him down.

 

The blond nodded sharply in answer to the request, before saying, as if to report, “Full name, Steven Grant Rogers. Date of birth, July-”

 

“No, no nothing like that,” Tony cut in before the man could get further, “If I wanted your biography, Rogers, I’d look at your file. Or take you on a date.”

He expected a glare or a flinch at the least, but Steve stayed as he was. Choosing to ignore the jab entirely.

 

“Then ask away,” the soldier replied robotically. A flare rose up in Tony’s throat, a dire need to snap at Rogers until he broke character to fire shots back. But, he held it down. 

Not yet. It wasn’t time.

 

“If there was one thing you’d say the army needs more of, equipment wise, what would it be?”

These were real questions Tony had planned to ask whoever Fury gave to him long before Tony had met Steve. He had hoped the person he was stuck with would be interesting enough to give him more then one worded answers that Tony was sure would be “ammo.” Seeing as he had an army Captain in front of him, he expected to be dissapointed. 

Tony didn't think people rose up in rank in the army if they didn't like killing.

 

But, Steve Rogers wasn’t everything he seemed to be.

 

“Shielding,” was his immediate reply, “something to stop the bullets.”

 

Tony tilted his head, shocked for once into silence. He stared at the Captain like maybe he wasn't a bastard monkey after all. The genius tentatively wrote down his answer.

 

“Why?” was all Tony could say next, hoping that the answer was worthy of the question. For a moment he seemed to forget he hated the man so much.

Steve’s eyebrows rose, as if he, too, was shocked Tony didn't try to insist the answer should be different. But, the Captain schooled himself just as quickly and replied.

 

“People always want us to say gunpowder, bullets, ammo. Hell, Fury would be the first one to hop on board with that answer. But, the truth is, we will always run out of fire power. It’s inevitable with each new wave of men intent on killing us. What we need to focus on is what happens after we lose those weapons. After we’ve done as much damage as we can, we need to focus on protecting our own so we can live to fight another day. Bullet proof vests, shields, sturdier uniforms, that’s what we need Mr. Stark. So if you could run home to your luxury and provide us with that, then I’ll be impressed.”

Tony was quickly shocked out of his illusion. For an instant, for one single instant, Tony Stark had loved Steve Rogers. Adored him with all his heart. Here was this huge, monstrous man who should be every stereotype made for people like him, but he wasn't. He had something that resembled a brain. For a naive instant, they didn’t despise each other. 

Then came the animosity that had been lacking in the conversation and Tony was angry. His retort flowed from his mouth easily, and without guilt, knowing it would get at Steve’s head.

 

“As long as you’re the first one to try it on, and as long as I get to watch,” it was a low blow, and certainly not Tony’s finest retort, but he knew it would get his message across. Tony Stark would not allow himself to be walked all over. The genius tensed, readying himself for the inevitable blow up from Rogers. 

But, the Captain didn’t even flinch.

And that, in turn, was Tony’s own breaking point. He would not do this. He had never done well with lies, and niceties though he had been trained in them all his life. When working with someone as intimately as this, he expected a certain level of honesty and Tony was about to make that very known.

 

“Enough, Rogers,” he growled with a venom that surprised the man in front of him, the genius didn’t give him time to react before he continued, “Stop it. Stop pretending to respect me, or even tolerate me. Don’t insult me like that, don’t think I can’t see through every disguise you put on. Where’s the bastard of a man I met when I got here? Pretending otherwise only makes you look like the fool.”

 

Tony watched the change from calm to furious with a sort of awe. How moment by moment it seemed that another blood vessel popped, only aggravating the man further until he was vibrating with rage. The underlying flow of dislike between the two men stronger than ever. 

 

“Fine,” Steve relented, jaw clenched as he stood up from his stool with enough force that the thing crashed to the floor. 

Tony tried to stand up too, not seeing an advantage in being the only one seated if they were bringing this into the light. But, Steve wouldn't have it. The Captain towered over Tony, standing close enough that the air seemed charged with their shared hatred. 

Tony glared up into the man’s eyes, noticing how the blue almost encompassed the inner black entirely. Giving him the notion that this was what it felt like to be torn apart from the inside out. 

It was with that thought he suddenly knew that he wouldn’t be able to hold out. 

That, maybe, he didn’t want to.

The genius sunk down onto the bed, relenting the power to the Captain.

 

“You want to know what I think of you, that’s it?” Steve spat, an immovable mountain towering over the ground so far below, “I think you’re a conceited man who laughs at people who actually had to work to get somewhere in life. You know nothing of suffering and condescend people who do. And because of that privilege, you and you’re father want to blow up the world just to profit off of whatever's left when you’re done with it. It’s sick, and I want you out of my base as soon as possible. That's what I think of you Tony Stark, and the sooner you’re gone the better off we’ll be.”

 

Tony waited in silence, the man’s words flowing through all his crevices until the pressure was enough to make him crack. But, he was stronger than that. It took more than hateful words to tear him down. At least that’s what he told himself.  

While Tony was caught up in his own demons, Steve came back to himself, little by little, the anger draining out of him like a dying whirlpool. His eyes were shocked wide as he realized what he had said. Yet, not looking guilty for it. More at ease now that he had gotten it off his chest.

 

It was enough to make Tony smirk. He didn’t allow a single one of his hair breadth ruptures to show.

 

“Good,” the genius spoke, enduring the itch of his plastic skin and plastic smile as they cemented it into place. 

The Captain’s hands were in fists as if expecting a fight.

 

One that wouldn't come. Not from Tony at least.

 

“Now we can get started.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I told you to give him a chance,” Bucky Barnes’s voice spoke up what seemed like an eternity later.

Steve had left hours ago with instructions to be back tomorrow. 

After their episode, the two found that they worked surprisingly well together knowing they didn't have to bother with accidently stepping on toes. Now they were crushing each others feet purposefully.

But, the underlying hint of guilt and anger from both sides was still present. Both parties knowing there was no use suppressing it.

 

Steve had left Tony with an entire list of new ideas to better protect men in the field, and the genius had started prototypes within seconds of the man’s departure. Knowing, if he didn’t keep himself busy, Steve’s words would come back to him and that would no doubt lead him down a dangerous path.

By the lack of light Tony noticed it was late and Bucky had probably come over to make sure he hadn't died.

Tony couldn't say that it didn't seem like a viable choice at the moment. It would be better than being here at least.

 

“Well,” Tony answered as he scrubbed at his eyes, sure that they were an irritated red by now. He turned to face the soldier as Bucky made his way into the tent, “there are things we’d like to happen, and then there are the things that actually happen.”

 

Bucky just raised an eyebrow, telling him to cut the bullshit.

 

Tony sighed, knowing if Rhodey, Bucky, and Pepper ever teamed up he’d be doomed.

 

“It’s my fault,” Tony admitted, “I egged him on. He was trying to keep himself under control and I just had to push. Even men like him have a breaking point. He’s an asshole, Bucky I'm not taking that back. But, what he said today was true.”

 

Bucky rubbed a hand down his face, looking done with the both of them. Wondering how he ended up in the middle of it.

 

“Weren’t you ever taught not to believe what someone says in the heat of the moment? The two of you are being ridiculous, and if either of you took two seconds to really talk to each other, you'd see that.”

Tony made to contradict him, but Bucky was fed up. Tony was sure he had gotten a debrief of the situation from Steve himself, knowing the two were close.

 

“I don't want to hear it. What I want to hear is that you’ll come with me to the dining hall, because I’m certain that you haven't eaten in a while by the looks of you. And, know, if you decline I’ll be forced to physically drag you, understood?”

 

Tony smiled, not sure how he had made such a good friend in such a small period of time, but not being mad about it either. 

 

“Yes, sir,” Tony relented, saluting just to piss the brunette off. Bucky didn't look impressed, but he held out his arm for the genius to take anyway.

 

The days events floating to the back of Tony’s head as his friend led him into the night.

 

Though one thought lingered longer than the others.

 

Hadn’t Bucky ever been taught that only in the heat of the moment did anyone ever say what they truly felt?

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *BE MINDFUL OF WARNINGS*

“Strip.”

 

Steve froze, wondering how his life had sunk to this point.

 

The soldier had only just managed to convince himself to walk into Stark’s tent not five minutes ago. Foolishly having it in his head that this day would be better than the one before it.

 

“Excuse me?” Steve vocalized after spluttering in the entrance for far too long. 

 

It had already taken too much willpower this morning to force himself here. After the days prior episode, the soldier had even less desire to be in Tony Stark’s presence then usual.

He had tried so hard to be polite to the man. To put on the face he used to convince people he was the poster child for the army with an apple pie background. He had ignored the slight jabs and inconveniences thrown his way due to Tony Stark’s insolence, but the man had won. 

As Steve feared.

 

Tony had poked and prodded with a burning, metal rod until Steve couldn't handle it anymore.

 

“Where’s the bastard of a man I met when I got here?”

 

Recalling the fight still sent a sizzle through Steve’s blood. Not only at Tony, but himself. He should have exhibited more control in the situation. Because, no matter what Stark said or did, the part that frustrated Steve the most was that he allowed it to get to him. The brunette had found a home under his skin. He clawed underneath Steve’s layers with pointed talons, yearning to uproot the soldier’s hard earned patience.

Steve had wanted to bolt after the peak of their argument, but had forced himself to linger until Stark let him go. Once the Captain had been allowed to leave, he hightailed it out of the tent without any intention of coming back, damn the consequences. But, Tony had stopped him before he got far, requesting that he come in the next day for testing. 

Steve, for all he should have said no, impatiently agreed. He had been willing to consent to anything as long as it got him out of that tent.

 

Now he was going to pay for the hastily, foolishly, made decision. 

 

The first thing Steve had done when he was free, was find Bucky. He’d stormed up to his friend and dragged him away until the burning within him finally was released. He was mad, furious even, yet when he finished his ranting Bucky had the nerve to be cross with him.

Steve had been upset with his friend, even after all they had talked about a few nights ago. He couldn’t understand why he deserved such treatment until the brunette knocked some sense into him. 

Bucky expected a lot from Steve, as Steve expected a lot from Bucky. They’d always been the one to keep the other in check, which was the only reason Steve kept his cool with the man when they disagreed.

 

If Bucky was this adamant that Steve was doing something wrong, maybe he had to reevaluate the situation.

Steve had finally given in, realizing that if he saw Bucky acting the way he was he’d probably be disappointed in his friend, too. 

Steve had clapped the man on the shoulder, clinging to his familiarity before pulling back with a promise to be better.

Bucky painted a proud look on his face, having faith in Steve that gave him the courage to do what he needed to.

 

But, now the Captain was unsure about his decision.

 

“Are you deaf?” Stark snapped, a pinched look to his already rat like features, “Strip.”

 

Steve couldn't wait to tell Bucky about Stark’s attitude today, knowing the genius was in for a lecture when they were done. He tried not to dwell too hard on the fact that he wanted to tattle on a man over twenty when he himself was over the age as well, but didn’t even mind too much when he did.

Tony Stark deserved it.

 

Speaking of Stark, he was a mess. More than usual, which was saying something. If yesterday Stark’s tent had been barely habitable, today it was a junkyard. Scraps of valuable machinery blanketed the ground while piled on notes, books, and papers sprouted on top of it like a garden. And, if yesterday Tony had been a mad genius, well today he was just mad.

Stark was barely paying attention to him, save the two times he had ordered Steve to take his clothes off.

The man was shivering from what could only be lack of sleep, his normally slicked back hair falling across his face in a way Steve would deny as attractive if he was ever asked. 

Stark was vibrating as he went from spot to spot picking up different tools and cloths. Grease stained the fabric of what seemed like an old tank top, and the genius swayed where he stood like he was about to drop at any minute.

Tony braced himself against one of the scattered, and stacked upon, tables bracing himself on his arms like his legs just couldn't hold his weight anymore. No matter how they tried. Steve attempted not to stare as the man’s veins pulsed underneath his skin. But, his attention was soon drawn elsewhere as Tony hands unconsciously scratched at the wooden table, tearing at the pads of his fingers until they bled.

No doubt splinters of wood were digging themselves into Stark’s nail beds, and Steve decided the man would be lucky if he had any nails left with the way he was raking them. 

Something was wrong, and Steve...had to do something about it. 

 

“Hey,” Steve said gruffly, hating how his dislike for the man was being overridden by the general need to stop him from destroying himself.

Steve came up behind Tony, finally moving from his spot in the entrance, and took the genius’s body in his arms. 

 

“What-what are you doing?” Tony asked, eyes darting around, panicked. The brunette was putting up an effort of fighting off Steve’s help, but the soldier could tell his heart wasn't really in it. 

“I need to get your measurements which I can’t do with you clothed, and then I have to decide on the best way to pad the uniforms and-”

Steve unceremoniously dropped Tony onto his bed, where broken pencils and paper fell to the floor in one giant swoosh.

 

“You need to rest,” Steve grunted, and Tony did not like that, not one bit. Maybe it was because he was so sleep deprived maybe it was the fact that the Captain was trying to give him orders, but Tony had said that they were going to be honest if they worked together. If he was anything, he was honest.

Tony pushed himself to a standing position, getting right up in Steve’s personal space, and poked his chest with his trembling finger.

 

“I don't take orders from you, Rogers.” Tony snapped, “As you pointed out, so obviously yesterday, I’m an egotistical asshole who preys on the innocent. Therefore, to make up for the lives I’ve ruined, I need to make these uniforms perfect. I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

Tony ended his little speech with flipping around and groping for a hammer to crush a sheet of metal. Steve was a bit confused on how that incorporated with new suits, but could already picture the genius accidently smashing his finger and not being able to work until it got better. That wasn’t good for any of them.

Steve rolled his eyes at the man’s back, wishing he was reasonable just once in his life.

 

He also firmly ignored the self deprecating words that had spouted out of the genius’s mouth.

 

“You’re right, the uniforms need to be good,” Steve agreed coming to stand next to Tony, an authoritative note in his voice in hopes to get the infuriating man to listen to him, “but, if you shatter your finger because you're seeing double due to sleep deprivation then no one's getting uniforms and that doesn’t help anybody, so,” before Tony could bring the hammer down, Steve plucked it out of his hand, “sleep now, call me when you wake up. Or better yet, call Bucky. You like him more.”

Tony’s cheeks were red. Whether from irritation or the fact that it barely took an ounce of effort for Steve to pluck the tool out of his hand, he didn't know. He didn't really care. It was annoyingly attractive either way.

 

“You can’t control me-” Tony started to say, and frankly Steve didn't want to hear it. He wanted the man to listen to him, because he was clearly the more sane of the two.

Steve grabbed Tony’s wrists, one in each hand and brought them up to hang in the air. It was on odd tactic, but Steve had learned long ago a surprise attack gave the best results. He wasn't wrong. Tony’s mouth shut tight immediately. Their eyes met. Steve daring Tony to challenge him further. Tony wondering what the man was going to do next.

But, Steve was too preoccupied with the fragility of Stark’s wrists to do much else but hide his own shock. Tony’s skin, especially compared to the calluses hardening Steve’s own hands, was smooth to the touch. For being someone who worked with rough materials all day, Tony Stark was delicate. Not a word Steve would often use to describe what he knew of the genius, but true nonetheless. 

Rhodes need to protect Tony started to make a little more sense. 

 

“Rest, Stark. This is how men kill themselves,” it was true, and oddly sincere. Sounding as if Steve truly cared about Tony’s wellbeing. And that just wasn't the case. Which Steve couldn’t help but make known.

 

“Besides,” Steve continued, dropping Stark’s wrists as if they burned him, “If not for you, for me. I don't need you jamming a sewing needle in my thigh because you fell asleep in the middle of the day.”

Tony’s features hardened, though it looked to be more of a habit then a strategic way to keep Steve from reading him.

 

“I’m offended, truly,” Tony quipped, though he was already reaching for the bed. Steve counted it as a win, and that was saying a lot when he thought about who he was dealing with.

“You think so little of my skills that-”

 

But, Steve stopped paying attention to what the genius was saying half way through. Though to no fault of Tony’s.

A bitter coldness swept the tent. Steve’s trained ears picked up frantic voices from the outside.

An air of fear thickened as shouting grew louder. The voices insisting for everyone to take cover.

 

And then a noise that had Steve’s heart dropping to his stomach.

 

“No,” he whispered horrified.

 

The sound of a plane in the sky.

 

“Get down!” Steve screamed, and threw himself at Tony, bringing the man to the hard Earth beneath them.

Their bodies had only just collided with the tent’s floor when an explosion blocked out the sun and ripped the tent apart; exposing them to the battle ground the base had just become.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

He couldn’t breathe.

 

Unbearable pressure pushed at him from all directions as the oxygen seemed to be ripped from his lungs and replaced with the toxic smoke spreading through the base like wildfire.

No matter how many times Steve experienced a bombing he was never more prepared for it then the time previous.

Silence blanketed Steve’s ears. For long enough to be worrying, the soldier could only grasp at white noise. He felt the familiar fear that he had been rendered deaf roaring through him before sound started to trickle back in.

 

The screaming of injured men.

 

The crackling flames that would spread to the trees if they weren’t put out in time.

 

The heavy wheezing of a body pinned underneath his own.

 

Steve opened his eyes and came face to face with Tony Stark. The man was covered in dirt and splinters, his face was white as a sheet, and his body was shaking.

Steve’s attention was drawn to a bead of sweat dripping down Tony’s face, he watched it roll into the man’s eyes. It must have stung, but with the adrenaline coursing through him, Stark probably didn’t even know it was there.

Their gazes locked as Steve lay on top of the man, protecting him from whatever was going to come next. It was unlikely that one explosive would be the only attack they’d receive, and Steve would be damned if he let Tony get hurt.

 

He must of had a confused look on his face from the thought, because Tony’s eyebrows furrowed.

 

“What-what-”

 

Stark’s voice was hoarse from inhaling fumes, and already Steve was hushing him. As much as Stark talked big about himself, he had never been in an active battleground before, and in moments like these petty grudges were pushed aside. Right now it was only Steve and Tony helping each other try to survive.

 

“Don’t talk,” Steve insisted, “keep your mouth closed, and stay down. That’s an order Tony.”

No latter had the command left his mouth then a deafening boom crescendoed once more and the ground vibrated underneath them.

Steve pulled Tony closer to him, pressing him as far into the tent as possible to avoid the debri raining down on them. Steve had his head shoved into the man’s shoulder, trying to focus on the feel of the man’s stubble sliding against his neck instead of the dying moans of the men he had grown to call family outside their ruined safe haven.

When the Earth stopped shaking, Steve chanced a glance upward. The once beautiful machines, even Steve had appreciated when he first entered Tony’s tent, were shattered on the ground. Broken, and dying and Steve knew with a heavy heart that beauty had been obliterated today.

When he looked back to the man underneath him, Steve shivered. The gut wrenching horror on Tony’s face as he took in what had become of his creations was one that Steve felt he never should have looked upon.

Tony, seeing what had become of his life’s work, tried to push himself out from under the soldier.

 

“No…” Tony whispered low, and hoarse enough that Steve didn't think he would have heard if the man’s mouth wasn't right next to his ear, “no...no.”

The genius tried to claw his way to the distorted pieces of metal, but Steve held him down.

Even when guilt filled his chest.

 

“Let me go,” Tony insisted, struggling more and more when he found he couldn’t move.

 

“Stark, I can’t, there might be another-”

 

“Let me go,” Tony growled pushing at Steve’s chest, but the Captain just held onto him harder. Tony Stark wouldn’t die, not on his watch. He had made a promise.

The room was tense, and silent save for Tony’s sporadic grunts as he tried to get out from under Steve to see what had happened to his creations.

 

The silence was something Steve had learned about the hard way. No one told you in training. No one told you in the propaganda along the streets of New York when they insisted that joining the army was the best thing you could do for you and your country. No one ever told you how in the darkest times of battle things were so often quiet.

The wounded had died, the dust had settled, and everyone was silent as they took in the carnage or waited for a bullet to pierce their own chest.

 

Begged for it.

 

Steve hated that quiet, it was a sign that the fight had finished and only now would you find out who was alive and what friend you had to bury.

 

It was over, Steve knew it was. He couldn't hear the plane in the sky or the warnings for another incoming. Giving in, Steve allowed Stark enough space to wiggle out from under him and watched as the man desperately crawled to what used to be his legacy.

He watched, not sure what to do, as Tony picked up the scraps left from his creations and put them close to his chest.

 

“Dummy,” Steve swore he heard the man say, not understanding why, but knowing he was infringing on something he shouldn’t be.

A stream of shadowed light came and illuminated Tony’s hunched form from a tear in the tent’s ceiling. 

Dust floated in the air, tinged red from the blood of the unlucky men waiting for him outside, and that was enough to shake Steve out of his stupor. Tony was alive, Steve had performed his duties like he was supposed to. The soldier brushed off the odd feeling in his gut that said he should stay with the genius, and wobbly stood up from the floor.

 

Knowing well enough by now that nothing was seriously injured on his person besides minor cuts and bruises, he pushed on.

Steve was ok, others were not. Ignoring the emotion that tried to overtake him as he lay his gaze upon Tony, his concrete mask slipped into place. He felt everything in him harden as Steve Rogers was overtaken by The Captain. The persona that allowed the man to look upon the horrors of the world Steve Rogers knew he could not.

 

“Stay here, until I come for you. It might still be dangerous,” Steve ordered Tony who still looked to be in shock on the ground, his hands running through sharp metal Steve knew he would have to take away from him at some point for his own protection.

With one last glance at the brunette, who didn’t even realize Steve was still there, the Captain turned around and prepared himself to leave the tent. Prepared himself for the death he should be used to seeing by now, but wasn’t.

 

Steve pushed his way out of the tent, coming up short as he took in what had once been his home.

Bodies were scattered across the grass, none of them even twitched with a sign of life. All of them hauntingly faceless as their skin was melted off their bodies. The trees were lit up, resembling the bonfire from only a few nights prior that seemed like a lifetime ago. 

Except the longer he looked the more he realized that wasn’t true. 

Steve amended his thought, the trees didn’t resemble a bonfire at all. They took on the persona of a pyre, hungry for its oncoming meal.

Steve forced himself to look away from the slaughter. It took everything in him not to stop and inspect every face of every fallen man, torturing himself with the question of who they might be and what they had left behind. Right now it wasn’t a priority. Right now he had to move on or he’d crack.

Shaken to his core, Steve forced a step forward and then another. The process repeated until he was doing something that resembled walking.

With every new viewpoint Steve came across the wreckage grew worse and worse.

Tents he had  expected to be destroyed, but even the buildings?

 

The soldier’s barracks, good lord the soldier’s barracks. The entire back of the building was disintegrated and-

 

His walls cracked.

 

He would later call upon this moment with vivid clarity because if he had remained stoic and emotionless it would have been ok. He would have been able to deal with it differently. He could have let out the horrid emotion when he was alone and no one would see him lose his mind.

But, Steve hadn’t known what that crack would do at the time and didn’t think to seal it back up until it was too late.

 

But, he was getting ahead of himself.

 

How many of Steve’s men had taken shelter in the barracks? How many had thought it safe only to be caught under the roof as it came down on them.

Clint, Thor, Bruce...his men could be in there, and Steve felt a sliver of panic burst through his crack.

It was too much, and the Captain started to run. He ran until the barracks were no longer a dot in the distance and he could make out the faces of the men standing in shock outside the crumbling building.

He saw a familiar blond that was Clint, the long hair of Thor, and stature of Bruce that sent a wave of relief rushing through him. It wasn’t until he got closer did he understand why he could only see the backs of their heads.

A group had gathered, and Steve knew what that meant. Knew it too well.

 

Another unlucky bastard wasn't going home.

 

He prepared himself for who it could be. 

Running through a mental list of all the soldiers he knew on base, checking them off when he spotted their heads.

Which was odd, right? Steve thought as he tried to push past the mass group of men. It had to be one of them, who else could-

 

Steve stopped.

 

No.

 

No it was impossible. Steve was being paranoid, there was no other option.

Yet, the soldier walked to the center of the clump now with heavy feet a vicious denial pounding in his head and behind his eyelids.

The noise, the light, the color tunnel visioned for Steve until all he could focus on was whoever he was going to meet in the middle of the circle. Though only a second ago it felt like Steve couldn't make his way through his men, now it seemed they had made a path solely for him until finally there was nowhere left for him to go but forward. He passed face by face, not truly noticing any of them until there was only one more row of men he had to get by. 

Steve felt the foreboding pulse in his veins, still not having found the one person he knew could not possible be on the ground in front of him.

 

Because if he was, Steve would rather die himself then feel that pain.

 

Someone prove him wrong, Steve wanted to scream as repressed panic started to eat at him. He couldn't do it. He couldn’t make himself walk to the front, to face what was slowly becoming truth. He wasn’t strong enough, or brave enough. He was weak, and scared, and all of a sudden very alone in a world that seemed too big.

 

He knew that. He had always been the better of the two. If he was in Steve’s position, he would show the body the respect it deserved.

 

But, Steve wasn’t him.

 

Bruce grabbed Steve’s wrist, bringing him back to a reality he wasn't prepared to face.

The soldier bypassed the body he could see clearly on the ground now if he wished to. He did not wish to. He focused on Bruce. Whose eyes were shining with tears. 

And that’s when Steve knew.

 

“It’s him,” Bruce choked out. And Steve thought he might shatter. He gripped Bruce’s wrist and tried to suppress a howl because as long as he didn't look at the figure in the side of his vision then he wouldn't have to accept it. For a few seconds he could believe this was all one horrible, cruel prank that they were playing on him, and later they would laugh about how they had fooled their Captain. And the man on the ground would punch him in the shoulder and tell him to loosen up a bit. And Steve would be furious but overall relieved that it was fake. Because how could it possibly be real.

Steve watched as a single tear fell from Bruce’s eye, which was too jarring so he looked passed him to Clint. Clint who surely was about to break into laughter at it all, but he was only looking down, a familiar Sergeant’s hat hanging heavy in his hands.

 

“No,” Steve whispered, not sure he was currently able to speak louder than that.

 

He brought his gaze to the body on the ground.

 

That tear, that chink in his armour that he hadn’t bothered to seal ripped like an open wound, and Steve had no time to process anything before he was kneeling over the body. One thousand emotions slamming into him like a freight train until he thought he was going to die too.

 

“No,” Steve cried as his hands tore into the grass underneath him, hoping they would be torn bloody if only to wake him up from this nightmare. But, the pain didn't change anything and Steve knew he wasn’t dreaming.

With shaking hands, Steve gingerly lifted the body’s head until it was placed protectively on his lap.

 

Long, dark, hair hung loosely, almost touching the ground. Unblinking eyes gazed up at him. Never again would the man talk, or laugh, or fight with him. Never again would he see their beat up apartment in Brooklyn or the leaves on the tree outside their only window change from green to red. 

He’d never feel, or see any of it.

 

Because James Barnes, _Bucky_ , was dead.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter made me cry ngl  
> Hope you enjoy it, comments and kudos are always appreciated even though I never know how to answer them, sorry <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to update today  
> I went back and edited all the parts previous to this so there are some updates to the story but nothing super important  
> Enjoy the story
> 
> There is a flashback in this ch that normally i would italisize but its not letting me so theres a break in the oage that indicates it

Tony didn’t want to believe it. How could someone be here one day, full of living energy, and so easily gone the next? 

But, there was no debating Bucky Barnes was dead.

It was proven in the way that Captain Roger’s had been furiously digging his grave, and grave’s for all the others lost in the prior day’s attack, for the entire morning now.

Tony hadn't believed it could have gotten any worse after his own loss yesterday. 

He still ached to think of his creations broken on the ground never to beep or whir at him again. When he had seen the destruction from underneath Rogers he had barely processed it. Knowing that whatever life he was living was not his. Even when broken shards of metal cut into his hand and his head ached from the painful emotions forcing themselves intrusively into his consciousness.

Tony honestly didn’t know if he would have ever been able to raise himself from that spot on the ground if someone hadn't found him. Which someone did.

The one person he hadn't expected to, even with his promise to be back.

Steve Rogers had come for him.

It was mainly a blur for the genius who could barely comprehend what he was seeing. 

But Steve had come and, against his better judgment, Tony felt relieved for it. Because he couldn't do it on his own. He couldn't handle this by himself. His friends, the things he had created to never leave him were gone. How could he have mucked this all up so badly? How could he have been the one to bring them to their destruction when, without them, Tony was destroyed?

How could he go on alone?

He couldn’t believe he was saying this, but if it hadn’t been for Rogers, Tony didn’t know if he would have been able to...

~~~~  
  


~~~~~~~~~~

_ Distantly Tony heard footsteps making their way through the remains of his tent. Part of him knew he should pull himself to his feet and prepare for a fight in case of an intruder, another part recognized the sound of a soldier and couldn't find it in him to care. In his hands lay the shards of his heart and soul. Parts of him he didn't think he'd ever get back. _

_ “Stark,” whispered a voice much closer to him then expected. Yet, he also had completely expected Steve Rogers to be here with him, kneeling next to him and whispering in his ear because when did Tony’s life ever make sense. _

_ When was it ever fair. _

_ Was this fair? Was this grief he felt fair? Did he deserve it? He decided he must. He must have done something to warrant this hurt, because the intensity of it just didn't make sense otherwise. _

_ A groan built up in Tony’s throat. It felt like pins and needles jabbing at him, demanding him to let them out. But, he wouldn’t.  _

_ He wouldn't cry, didn't want to, in fear that would make this all real.  _

_ “Let go,” Steve’s voice sounded in his ear. And, distantly Tony knew something was wrong, he had never heard the man sound so broken before. _

_ “Let go,” the soldier pleaded with him again, though the emotion felt like it had little to do with Tony but something different entirely. Something he didn’t understand, but had a feeling he would come to.  _

_ Nonetheless, Roger’s hands came to rest on Tony’s own where the genius finally noticed the sharp pieces of Dummy that were cutting into the soft flesh of his hands and making his blood flow in a stream to the ground. Tony watched, transfixed for a moment as droplets fell, and splashed when they came in contrast with what lay below. Part of his brain, that never stopped, was already calculating how large the bespattered range would be. While another was screaming at him to drop the painful objects impaling him. _

_ But, he found that for all he tried, wanted to even, he couldn’t let go _ . 

_ “I can’t,” Tony whimpered, inhaling contaminated air. _

_ Panic started to crawl its way past the void inside the man as his hands tightened on the metal instead of loosening. The genius furrowed his eyebrows not understanding why he didn't have control over his body. His breath starting to quicken and shallow as he watched, almost detached, as dark red poured from his hands. _

_ He wanted it to stop. He didn’t want this pain anymore, no matter how he knew he deserved it. _

_ He couldn’t let go.  _

_ Tony kneeled on the ground wondering if he ever would be able to. _

_ But, he was saved from having to figure that answer out. He was saved from having to choose. Not today, he didn’t have to decide, not today. _

_ Gently, more carefully then Tony had ever seen him be, Steve Roger took hold of his hands. With the most amount of tenderness the soldier started to pluck out the metal embedded in Tony.  _

_ “Then let me,” Steve told him, and Tony did. He sank into the crutch Steve was providing and didn’t force himself to think about anything but the hurt that consumed him. He didn’t bother fretting over how he hated Steve and shouldn't be taking his generosity when it was sure to come back and bite him later. Not when sinking into the man’s comfort was so easy, and helped him put his feelings into some semblance of order. _

_ Though had they ever resembled such a thing before?  _

_ Half an hour went by as Steve meticulously picked out metal and glass from Tony’s wounds. The man never made a sign to leave, which Tony was more grateful for then he would admit, and in return Tony didn’t let out even the smallest of whimpers as the soldier helped him. Not even when Steve poured a bottle of drinking water over his hands to wash away any infection and the tacky blood sticking to his skin.  _

_ Tony later thought that was more from his inability to make a sound then a conscious effort to keep quiet.  _

_ Steve only paused his current of movement when deciding what to wrap the cuts in. But, soon enough he was tearing one of Tony’s clean shirts into strips and wrapping the ribbons around the genius’s hands. In the back of his mind, Tony knew he should pretend to be mad about the ruined shirt to keep up pretenses but he couldn’t muster the energy. Not when he felt so hollow inside. _

_ It was only after Steve had finished, and the man forced Tony onto a stool as to take the pressure off his knees did the Captain relay the information that would set free the mountain of emotions the genius had been trying so hard to detonate. _

_ “Bucky,” Steve tried to say, but choked as if the words wouldn't make their way into the open. It was enough to catch Tony’s attention, and he found his gaze meeting the Captain’s. For once, Steve was not looking at Tony with open hostility, instead it was somehow worse. The soldier was unguarded as he found Tony’s gaze, and the raw anguish the genius found there filled him with unbearable fear. What had happened to make Steve act so out of character? Why did he seem to know the words he was forcing himself to say would hurt Tony?  _

_ The Captain’s eyes glittered with unshed tears, and that’s when Tony knew. _

_ The genius’s bottom lip started to tremble as he tried his hardest to hold himself together, but it was no use. _

_ A strangled, “No,” escaped him as he tried to deny what Steve was telling him. _

_ But, no amount of willpower would save him from the soldier’s next words. _

_ “He’s dead. He got...caught in the blast trying to get everyone to safety...Tony…” _

_ Maybe it was the outward admission that pushed the genius to his breaking point. Maybe it was the tragedy on top of tragedy that did it. _

_ But, if that’s what Tony told anyone, he knew it would be a lie. The thing that broke him, pushed him over the edge, was Steve Rogers using his name for the first time. The way he spoke it as if nothing short of a plea. A plea for what, Tony couldn’t tell you. But, it was a request nonetheless, and it was the extra nudge that forced Tony to accept the truth of their situation.  _

_ This was real. This was unbearably real. _

_ Tears fell from the man’s eyes, though he clenched them tight. The warmth stung his skin as the droplets fell silently, leaving shining trails through the layer of dirt covering Tony like a second skin. _

_ There was only one clear thought in his head beside the truth that he couldn’t escape. _

_ This was what Howard wanted. And Tony detested him more then ever for it. _

_ The genius opened his eyes to respond to the soldier, not even realizing they had closed. He wanted to give Steve his condolences, because no matter how Tony had come to care for Bucky Barnes in the short time they were friends he knew Steve had had a lifetime with the man. _

_ This was the equivalent to hell for him. _

_ But, as quickly as Tony opened his mouth to say something, anything, he closed it again. _

_ Steve Rogers, the Captain of regiment 107, was crying. Not hysterically, but quietly which was somehow worse then if he had been screaming. _

_ Steve wouldn’t appreciate his apologies, Tony knew, it wouldn’t feel genuine for the soldier to hear. Hell, it wouldn't feel genuine for Tony to say. _

_ But, there was one thing Tony could do. Something that maybe would stop the painful loneliness, and sadness the soldier was expressing. _

_ The man lowered himself from the stool he was sitting on, and stumbled his way to where the Captain stood only a few feet away. _

_ At first, there was a hesitant flash in Steve’s eyes, like he was expecting Tony to berate him, and laugh at his pain. _

_ But, something genuine must have shown on his face because the hesitation fell back into the hopeless truth he was wearing. That in itself was too much. Tony didn't know why but he had a vicious need to never see that look on the man’s face again. _

_ Without any more hesitance Tony wrapped his arms around Steve’s torso and hugged the man. _

_ The soldier stiffened, but Tony didn't let go. Not when he needed this as much as Steve did. Not when their friend was dead, and they were still alive. Steve must have realized it too, because his arms came to wrap around Tony’s body, encompassing him with his hold. _

_ And that’s how they stayed. Two men standing in the middle of destruction crying with each other without a thought to anything else. Because this was worth more then any petty rivalry they had, and in the moment they knew the other was the only one who would understand. _

_ They mourned, because what else could they do. What else did they have to lose. _

_ ~~~~~~~~~~~ _

Tony knew if he thought any longer on the events of the day prior, he’d start crying again, and he couldn't cry anymore. Not because he didn't feel the overwhelming need to, but because he knew if he did he wouldn't stop. And, he couldn’t afford to lose himself right now.

This was Tony’s final goodbye.

In his hands he held a flower to put on Bucky’s grave. He hadn’t known if the man even liked flowers, but it seemed safe enough. And at least it would make the lump of dirt that was his grave look like something more than, well, a lump of dirt.

The genius was hiding in the trees waiting for the opportune moment to step out into the light, but something held him back. Though he didn't want to take it out and examine it, Tony knew what the reason was, too. He didn't want to say goodbye. Bucky and him had clicked in a way Tony clicked with very few people and the genius had it in his head that they would know each other for years to come until his hopes were cut short.

He didn't want to say goodbye, he didn't want to forget.

“Damn,” Tony muttered to himself as he wiped away a stray tear from his cheek. He didn't want to go out there in tears when he had watched soldier's stoically pay their respects to their comrades all day.

Many had come and gone but only a few were out there now, this time none of them were around Barnes. Tony had watched from his shelter as Clint, Thor, Bruce, and almost the entirety of the rest of the men had said goodbye to their Sergeant until Tony saw that it was just him and Steve who hadn’t.

The man was still too busy digging more graves all alone in the boiling sun. Tony thought it would have been right for the man to have stayed at Bucky’s grave all day without interruptions considering the relationship the two had. But, Tony also expected that was the exact reason why Rogers was keeping himself busy. Sometimes ignoring a problem was the easiest way to deal with it.

Tony had mastered that technique over the course of his entire life.

But, this time would be different. This would be his only chance to say goodbye, and he wouldn’t miss the opportunity.

The genius stood tall, determined to get this done with. He wouldn’t ignore this because James Barnes deserved so much better than that.

_ He deserved to live _ , an angry voice declared in Tony’s head. He swallowed thickly, and made his way to the grave regardless. Regardless of the fact that it was terrifyingly true.

He didn’t get far.

“Go away,” Steve Roger’s growled out to him, not bothering to stop digging on the final plot.

The man had noticed him from the trees all day, but hadn't said anything until Tony was out in the open.

The genius halted, his attention taken away from Bucky and placed firmly on Steve. After their time in Tony’s tent they had parted ways on strange terms. Were they friends now? Acquaintances? Tony hadn't thought they were rivals any longer, but he was proven wrong very quickly.

The man was reminded why he could never be more than enemies with a man like Rogers.

“What?” Tony seethed, not in the mood to play nice. If Steve wanted a fight, he’d get one. Tony was more then willing.

The flower for Bucky fell from his bandaged hands. The white petals tainted by the loose dirt.

At Tony’s answer Steve Rogers stopped what he was doing. There was a taut tension in his body that almost had Tony second guessing his choice. Almost. His anger seemed to be the driving factor pushing him onward, and that wasn't going away until this was done.

The Captain turned with pure loathing in his eyes. An intensity to which Tony had never fully seen him achieve. But, between the dirt covering his body, and the bruising and cuts from yesterday, he looked like he was about to kill someone. And that someone was Tony.

“I said, go away,” Steve said again, daring a few steps closer to the genius who wasn’t backing down, not this time. He would go to Bucky because if his best friend wasn't going to give him that courtesy, Tony sure as hell was.

“No,” was Tony’s answer, building himself up to his fullest height, the severity with which he spoke the word seeming to startle even the Captain. But, Rogers was back on his feet quicker then Tony could process. Quicker then he was ready for.

“No?” Steve seethed, “You will leave, Stark. You’ve pushed your way into somewhere you don’t belong, we all know it except you. You have no right to say goodbye to him, not when he meant nothing to you. How dare you come here to mock my-their pain. Get out, Stark, leave. Why are you even here in the first place.”

Tony’s chest stung. One step forward, two steps back wasn’t that how the saying went? Well, Tony didn’t care for sayings anyway. Just because he hadn't known Bucky for the longest amount of time didn’t mean he didn't care, didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. 

And frankly, he was sick of Steve’s shit. The man had treated him like garbage since the moment they met and Tony had tried to stand against it, he really had, but this time Rogers went too far. This time Tony was going to fight back with all he could.

“I’m here,” Tony started, not for the first time wondering how so much could have changed in twenty four hours, “to pay my respects to the first man who showed me a shred of kindness in this godforsaken place. What have you been doing again? Avoiding him, ignoring what happened in hopes of protecting yourself? You’re a coward, and he would be ashamed of-”

The words didn't finish leaving his mouth, before Steve was shoving him to the ground.

Tony stumbled with the force of it, tripping over himself before falling hard on his back. The breath was knocked out of his lungs until he thought he’d never take air in again.

Only a day ago someone had probably died on this exact same spot of land, Tony would hate to steal their thunder. But, by the blatant rage Steve was exhibiting it was a real possibility.

“Don’t assume you knew him better than I did,” Steve threatened, looming over Tony who had only managed to push himself up on his elbows. Tony met Steve’s gaze, still not giving in.

The Captain’s golden hair shown with the sun glaring down on him, his pale skin taking on a reddish hue. The veins in his neck strained as the man tried to control himself, and just when Tony was sure Rogers was going to take a real swing at him, he turned and stalked away.

Tony’s fingers curled in the dirt underneath him as he pushed himself up to a sitting position.

“Coward,” Tony spat at the man’s back. He should have stopped provoking Rogers, but he was furious with the man’s behavior, knowing Bucky would have wanted more.

The Captain halted at the sound of Tony’s voice, but didn't turn around.

“I hate you,” was the man’s only answer before storming off. 

It should have sounded juvenile. It should have sounded ridicules and petty, as if coming from a five year old. But, the amount of venom and hatred with which Rogers spoke hit a nerve. After everything the two had been through together, it always came back to this. No matter how Bucky had wanted them to get along, no matter how they tried for him nothing would fix the animosity between them.

Tony was done trying.

The genius righted himself as Steve faded into the distance. Storm clouds were grouping, blocking out the sun, and a light trickle was starting to fall on Tony’s hair.

He wiped off the dirt that was on his hands, and went to do what he came to.

With his body shaking at the raw emotions rushing through him, Tony forced his way to Bucky’s grave.

Five steps more…

Three steps more..

Two steps… he stopped.

And looked down.

Tony was standing on the flower he had brought for Bucky’s grave. The stem was bent at an odd angle and stray petals lay a couple centimeters away from where Tony’s shoe must have torn them off. A raindrop fell.

Tony turned around and ran.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Take me back,” were Tony’s first words when he barged into Fury’s tent.

The Major’s tent had been far enough away from the blast that the foundation was still standing enough he could live in it.

The man was sitting at a rickety desk pushed to the side of the room, furiously writing, but when he heard Tony his head snapped up.

“Excuse me?” The man demanded and gradually stood from his chair. Tony growled already pacing furiously, like he had too much energy. Which he shouldn't.

The genius had sprinted all the way to the tent from the graves and had gotten lost a few times along the way. He had been working off a vague map in his head from...Bucky’s description of the place. His body throbbed. He ignored it.

Tony was breathing heavily, and his sweat was hidden only by the water that had started to pour half way through his trek. The genius offhandedly realized his ankle felt off but it wasn't enough to stop him.

“You heard me,” he answered Fury as a weird sort of panic overtook him, “send for Rhodes, ask for my Father I don’t care just get me out of here. I can’t...I can’t be here anymore.”

Tony tried to catch his breath as it felt like his lungs were about to collapse any second and he was shaking furiously, but none of it was enough to stop him from saying, demanding what he needed.

The hard look on Fury’s face melted into one of understanding.

“You weren't trained for this,” he said, “honestly, I’m surprised you didn't ask to get out earlier.”

But, Tony only shook his head, Fury didn't understand.

“This has nothing to do with yesterday,” Tony told him, “I can’t be here. Not when I’m only making it harder on him-on them. I don't belong here. I know it, you know it. Because of me people are dead-”

Fury grabbed Tony by the shoulders, holding him in place so he didn’t tip over.

“Stop it, Tony,” Fury said, and for a brief second Tony recognized the man he knew as a child, “I’ve seen men lose their minds with survivors guilt, you’ve done nothing wrong.”

But, Tony only stumbled out of the hold, ignoring the sharp pain that shot though his ankle.

“You don’t understand, Rogers was with me. If he had been anywhere else, Bucky Barnes might still be alive. Let me go home.”

Fury stepped back from the wild man, accepting the fact that he wouldn't be able to get through to the genius. He then spoke the words that would seal Tony’s fate.

“If I could I would. But, everything was lost yesterday. Our planes, cars, modes of transportation, communications. I can’t get you out of here myself and there’s no telegram to send a message. You’re going to have to travel with us to the next base over. It’s a week round trip through the woods. I’m sorry, but you’re stuck here.”

~~~~  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates might be coming a little slower coming up bc i rlly want to make sure the quality of each chapter is good and flows well instead of just putting something out quick but i do have some well edited chapters left before that might happen  
> Anyway comments and kudos are appreciated


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a day late its a ling one to make up for it

As had been the same every morning since that horrible day, Steve woke up feeling light.

His eyes would crack open, and he would stretch all the while a satisfied groan escaped his mouth. With a peaceful haze still lingering around his head, Steve would snuggle further into the stiff blankets wondering why his bed felt so hard when normally he sunk into the broken mattress.

 

Then it would hit him.

 

And it would hurt every single time.

 

Remembering what happened almost felt like a dream to Steve. It couldn’t be true, he wanted to assure himself. He’d wake up any moment now and nothing would be destroyed, there would be no matted graves outside, and Bucky was about to come into his tent to tell him to get his ass up or they would miss breakfast.

But, his denial would only last so long before he’d face what had become of his reality.

 

His home was destroyed.

 

There were twenty two patches of dirt waiting to greet him.

 

And Bucky was gone.

 

No.

 

Steve shot out of bed, or what had been his bed ever since his was destroyed.

 

“Wake up, it’s time to move,” he called to the piles of snoring men on the floor of the still livable parts of the barracks. Not much had been salvageable, most of the building was black with char and the air still tasted like smoke, but it was all they had now. 

Steve had already started rolling up his own sleeping pack to get ready for the move, doing anything to distract himself from the thoughts swirling around in his head. 

Muffled moans permeated the air as the men started to awaken, and relief crashed through Steve. The more noise there was, the less Steve was able to hear himself think.

It was the only goddamn way he was going to get through his day. If he was left to ponder his loss, he would break and crumble which he had done enough of already. 

 

Steve had held Bucky’s lifeless corpse in his arms for what felt like hours, trying to comprehend what he was seeing. The need to scream had been trapped in the vibrations of his vocal chords.

But, he couldn’t, didn’t want to. Especially with the audience around him. Steve was stuck, like a rabid animal holed up in a cage before its execution. All he wanted to do was run as far away as he could.

 

And, that’s when the thought hit him.

 

Tony was still all alone in his tent, mourning his life’s work.

Someone should check on him...yes, someone should definitely go to him and help him.

If Steve couldn't fix himself he was sure as hell going to fix Tony, he had made a promise after all.

Without a word to anyone he had let go of the body in his arms more gently then he cared to admit and fought his way out of the clump of soldiers until he was running to Tony’s tent. Not another thought in his head besides that of someone needed help more than he did, and he’d sure as hell give it to them. 

 

His plan had panned out well enough. Taking care of Stark had given Steve time to ready himself for the outside world again. It made him feel productive, like he had done something right in a day filled with mistakes. 

 

Until he told Tony about Bucky.

 

He hadn't meant to. The whole reason he had gone to the man in the first place was so he could get away from the horror that awaited him in the real world.

But, in between taking care of the genius, and bearing witness to his own loss, Steve started to feel a kinship with the man.

Stark understood. He understood what it was like to lose something so important to you. Something that you had built your life around. And Steve felt the urge to confide in him. An urge he didn't realize he should have suppressed until it was too late. The words burst from him, and as much as he didn’t want to admit it, an invisible weight lifted from his chest. 

However, he hadn't thought so far ahead as to what Tony’s reaction would be, finding himself too caught up in the words he never pictured leaving his mouth until he was old and grey. So, when the genius started to cry, Steve was swept along for the ride. The pair had stood in the middle of desolation, clinging to each other, mourning with each other…

 

“Captain, you should probably get off the floor now,” Clint Barton’s voice came from behind him. A steady kindness laced his words, a subtle sound not often associated with the spitfire attitude the man was known for. 

Steve snapped his head around to see the soldier standing behind him, holding out a hand for him to take.

Steve felt like his head was underwater as he glanced down, realizing that he had robotically finished packing up his few possessions and was now kneeling on the floor holding...holding a Sergeant’s cap.

 

Steve dropped the hat with a jolt, before immediately picking it back up when the fear of losing it made him choke.

He stuffed it in his pack with shaking hands before turning back to Barton who had a sad, understanding expression to his face.

There was a time Steve had thought a look like that was pity. He had been young, and naive. 

After his first bloody battle, he realized it wasn’t pity at all. It was understanding. If you asked any man here, they had most definitely lost someone to this war. They all knew what that pain was like, rookie or not, and Steve had learned long ago that a look like that signified a brotherly bond that would tie them together for a lifetime.

 

He took the offered hand.

 

Steve brushed himself off once he was on his feet, and nodded a polite thank you to Clint, not sure if he was capable of speaking. His vulnerability still too close to the surface.

Clint pat him on the shoulder before moving over to his own pack and finished getting himself ready for the trip.

The Captain noticed that all the men were doing the same...that and subtly shooting him worried glances. Well, not so subtlety. Steve had been a Captain for three years now, did they really think they could get that by him?

A pit of anger formed in the man’s gut, even though he knew none of them meant any harm with their concern. Still, it felt wrong. These weren’t the passing glances of men showing their camaraderie for their Captain, these were blatant stares of uncertainty. As if they thought Steve wasn't strong enough now that his brother was gone. They had it in their minds that they had to look out for him because he could no longer do it for himself. It was bullshit. Steve lengthened his spine to stand straighter. He refused to accept the label they were forcing on him. That of weakness.

 

If only he knew that wasn’t what they were thinking at all.

 

“Attention,” Steve barked, not having the control to stop himself. His men seemed to catch on to his sudden change in temperament and they grew quiet. Silence blanketed the room in one sweep of Steve’s voice. There were a few gasps of surprise, and some men dropped what they were carrying before hastening to pick it up in case their unstable Captain called them out for it.

Steve was greeted with their panic, and sick satisfaction crawled up his veins like vines. He had played the nice guy for so long, too long. But if they wanted to see his kindness as weakness, he’d show them who he could really be.

 

“We’re leaving as soon as Fury gives the order, which will be soon enough,” Steve commanded, “If you aren't ready in time you will be left behind. This is war gentleman, get used to it.”

Glances were traded back and forth at the harshness in Steve’s voice, but he didn't care.

He shouldered his pack and marched his way to the door. His men moved aside, creating a perfect path for him, like they expected retribution if they didn’t. Steve tried not to cringe as he moved along. He had never wanted to place himself above his men, he never wanted them to fear him.

He despised the little voice in his head, that sounded far too much like a certain billionaire, insisting that Bucky would be disappointed in him due to the treatment of his regiment. 

Hell, if that’s how Tony wanted to see it, fine. But-

 

Steve stopped, his arm outstretched to grab the door handle. The soldier spun back around. 

Steve’s eyes scanned frantically for a ridiculously styled mop of brown hair. Or a clump of men gathered around a significantly shorter genius who no doubt had a flirty smirk plastered on his red lips. Steve even listened carefully for the sultry glaze of the man’s voice a sound he knew, without really knowing, he would be able to pick out of any crowded room. 

But, he came back empty handed.

A strange, but no less desperate, dread seized him and Steve grabbed at the next man who passed by. A friend, Sam Wilson.

 

“Falcon,” the man’s nickname, Sam twisted around as he felt the Captain's hand come down on his shoulder. There was a disgruntled regard to his face, no doubt from Steve’s previous attitude. But, when he registered the desperation emitting from his superior he pushed aside his discontent.

 

“Have you seen Stark anywhere,” Steve insisted, eyes wide.

Sam’s handsome features twisted as he tried to recall Tony’s presence at all throughout the morning or the night prior. Steve could pinpoint the exact second Sam realized the answer was no and instinctively took a shaky step away from his friend.

 

“He was-he was supposed to sleep here, I was going to tell him to…” Steve said to himself, understanding now what he had done. Sam gripped onto Steve’s forearms as the blond looked like he was about to collapse. The soldier no longer cared if he seemed weak.

Steve had been ordered yesterday morning by Fury to inform Tony to sleep in the soldier’s barracks that night with the rest of them due to the hole in his tent. 

But, Steve had forgotten in the heat of their fight, having walked away from the man with only the thought that he didn't care if Tony lived or died.

He realized now he may have doomed the man to just that. If Tony managed to sleep outside, there was a looming threat that the chill had taken him in the night. On the off chance he was alive, the frostbite would no doubt handicap him for the rest of his life. 

 

“Why didn’t anybody tell me he wasn’t here!” Steve snapped, his anxiety twisting into something uglier. But, Sam put him straight quick enough, managing to stay calm in the presence of Steve’s panic. Which really, Steve would have been ashamed of his lack of self control right now if he had room for any other notion besides that of he killed Tony Stark.

 

“With all due respect, sir,” came Sam’s clipped tone, bringing Steve back to himself as shame stung at him, “he was your responsibility.”

Steve pushed himself out of Sam’s hold before they drew any attention. The men were too busy finishing their packing, especially with Steve’s prior warning to be left behind, to notice and thank god for that. He was acting exactly how they had assumed he would. Erratically. 

 

“My apologies, Wilson,” Steve said, though he was already itching to search for the tiny genius.

 

“Of course, Steve. Relax, it’s just us,” the man said trying to get a smile out of his Captain, who was already reaching for the door handle. It was then Sam decided to put the man out of his misery. Though he didn’t know for sure, he had an inkling for where Tony could be camping out.

 

“Check his tent first,” Sam called, Steve’s attention snapped back onto the man. 

 

“What do you mean? His tent was taken down with all the others,” Steve stated, hoping his friend knew more then him.

 

Sam was already shaking his head as Steve spoke.

 

“Almost all the tents were taken down, but Tony wouldn’t let us take his too.”

 

Hope fluttered in Steve’s throat. He didn’t bother with another word before sprinting out the door. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Steve burst into Tony’s tent prepared to chew him out.

 

When he had laid eyes on the partly collapsed abode hidden by the thick of the forest, his fear had channeled into a type of anger.

Did Stark realize how he’d worried Steve? Steve had been half out of his mind thinking another one of his people- thinking Stark was dead. As they found out the first day Tony landed in camp, Steve didn't like being left out of the loop.

 

He tore open the blackened entrance to Tony's tent, and immediately felt a tug around his midsection as if someone had snapped a rubber band around him. He deflated.

 

The inside of the tent looked the way it had two days ago now. All of the man’s treasures were in ruins on the floor, tables were overturned due to the reverberations of the bombs, and there was still a giant hole ripping through the left corner of the tent. 

But, that’s not what caught the Captain’s eye. What he saw made a pit of guilt fester like a rotting wound in his stomach.

 

Tony Stark lay curled up under a thin blanket on his broken bed. The piece of furniture had quite literally snapped in half when one of the man’s machines had collapsed on it. By the looks of it Tony had pushed the appliance off the sheets to make room for himself. But, there were still shards of glass scattered on the mattress. It didn’t sit well with Steve seeing as he had only just plucked Stark of fragments not three days ago.

Tony was shivering where he lay, face scrunched up even while he slept.

There were tear stains marking his face that Steve tried not to focus on in fear of collapsing in his own mistake.

The man’s brows were drawn tightly together, causing slight wrinkles to form on his forehead that Steve wanted to soothe away with his thumb. And, the genius’s hair stuck up in odd angles which was a strange sight to see compared to the Tony that always seemed to be put together. For a moment Steve felt like he should leave. He was intruding on a picture of vulnerability that he didn't have the right to witness no matter how it tore at him.

 

But, the promise he made to Rhodes what seemed like a lifetime ago came to bite him with a vengeance. 

Steve winced.

He had been neglecting his promise, forcing its burden onto Fury and then Bucky, and this is what it had led to.

Tony Stark, defeated, alone.

The urge to protect the man, that had only made an appearance once before, rose to the surface of his conscious. And Steve knew what he had to do, what he wanted to do if he was being honest with himself. Which he decidingly was not.

The Captain maneuvered his way through the devastation until he was towering over Stark like an avenging angel, protecting the delicate man underneath him. Maybe now he was starting to realize what Bucky and Rhodes had meant when they said there was more to Tony then met the eye. 

He wasn’t seeing all of it, not yet, but it was enough to make the hatred he felt for the man ebb to something lesser.

Steve’s fingers reached out on their own accord to brush against the man’s temple, feeling the soft silk of his hair, and the warmth of his skin. Which Steve could have cried out at even though he was aware Tony was alive.

 

His tracing moved from the man’s forehead to the edge of his eyelashes, the slight contact making them flutter, then onto the man’s cheeks before circling his ear. Steve was positive he would have continued the mapping out of Tony’s face if it wasn’t for the slight shiver the man made. Embarrassment forced Steve to pull his hand back with a sharp intake of breath.

 

What was he doing?

 

If Tony had woken up during any of that he would have had Steve’s head, and the man wouldn’t blame him. They weren’t intimate, hell they weren't even friends!

Still, Steve was left shaken from the touch, the intensity of Tony’s skin so much more than he could have possibly imagined.

He lowered his hand to his side, and decided to pack up a couple of Tony’s things before the man had to be woken. 

The odd pressure in his chest only grew when he realized he wanted Tony to sleep longer. They would be walking almost nonstop for a week to get to their sister base, and Tony would need as much rest as he could. He wasn't used to the harsh conditions the rest of Steve’s men were. Tony couldn't slow them down, they didn't have that kind of time. That’s what Steve tried to convince himself of as he started to gather Tony’s salvageable possessions.

Steve sighed, annoyed with his confused feelings towards Stark, and bent down to stuff the man’s clothes into the pack Rhodey had almost surely made for him.

 

He didn't understand how one day he could feel a kinship growing between the two, the next day loathe him, and the next feel like he had the right to be intimate with him. How could his opinions change so easily, and why didn't Steve himself understand it?

 

The soldier was lost in his troubled thoughts as he reached for a shirt hidden under the destroyed bed, and regretted it a moment later when something sharp stung his palm.

Steve jerked his arm out from under the mattress, knowing it had probably been a bee and hoping there weren't more to come. But, when he examined the light prick he noticed a small shard of brown glass stuck in the pad of his finger. 

Without hesitation, Steve plucked it out and examined the intruder while sucking at the wound. 

The fragment was a strange color compared to the other material Tony had made his creations out of. Though Steve was certain he had seen it somewhere before. And with the shape it was, he was positive it had come from something much bigger.

With a tentative hunch, Steve lowered his torso to the ground so he could see under the bed hoping for once that a swarm of bees were about to fly out at him instead of what he knew to be there. 

 

Every muscle in Steve’s body tightened as he went on total shutdown. 

 

Beer bottles. And a lot of them.

 

Steve picked himself up off the floor, the fire he had felt when he stepped into the tent coming back to him with a vengeance. 

He balled up the shirt still in his hand and flung it at Tony’s defenseless form.

 

“Wake up,” Steve growled loud enough to startle Tony back to the living. The brunette jumped at the sudden rousing, coming up to a sitting position with a fearful dread to his eyes that Steve would feel guilty about later. 

 

“Wh-what I’m up, I’m sorry, I’m up,” the man stuttered, though his voice was hoarse and eyes still full of sand. His words, again, were something Steve would have to think more on later as they were short on time. He made the executive decision to focus on the problem that had come up first.

 

“What the hell, Tony,” Steve snapped, crossing his arms, trying not to feel like an asshole with the innocent, confused way the genius was looking up at him. Like he didn’t know what he’d done, but it was sure to be wrong because that was what he’d been trained to believe his whole life. 

When Tony didn’t respond, Steve kept going because he really didn't know what to make of the entire situation.

 

“Why are there broken beer bottles, all from Nick Fury’s persona stash I might add, thrown under your bed? Why are you even in here, you should have been in the barracks with the soldiers last night they would have helped you. You didn't have to resort to..to this. Just, how? How could you have done this to yourself?”

 

Steve didn’t mind his soldiers having a drink or two. He enjoyed alcohol to an extent, too. But, when men got shitfaced drunk, Steve worried. He had grown up with a father who abused the substance, and though he’d never been violent, it ruined him. 

One night Steve’s old man went out to a bar and never came back. Steve couldn't tell you what happened. Not that he cared. The man had left Steve’s poor mother to raise two boys alone, seeing as they had taken in Bucky the day his own mother passed away.

After that it hadn’t been long for Steve’s mother to fall ill. With working herself to the bone for the two young boys, who she insisted stay in school, the constant work had taken its toll. 

 

She had died when Steve was fourteen. Two years later both he and Bucky joined the army.

 

So yeah he had some problems with excessive drinking.

 

But, Tony didn’t let Steve stay on his high horse for long.

 

“You made it very easy,” the genius said.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

The world had fallen out from underneath Steve as Tony’s words resonated through him.

 

He stepped back from the other man as Tony stretched and prepared himself for the day, not seeming to realize the effect his words had on Steve. 

Because for once Tony was right. There was no point to argue. It was because of Steve that Tony felt so secluded from the group and was drowning in grief he had never been taught how to deal with. It was because of Steve that Tony had sunk so low he found drinking was the only way to silence the roaring in his mind. 

 

Steve was hurting. He was hurting worse then he could ever remember, but at least he had his troup, his brothers to lean on and be around. They were there to remind him why he had to keep going and push through. They forced him to remember there was a life worth living beyond this overwhelming anguish. He had kept Tony from that same camaraderie. Steve couldn't imagine how much worse he would be feeling if it weren’t for his men, and had an inkling he would have faded away in the night if it hadn’t been for the bodies around him.

Somehow, Tony had survived that loneliness without losing his mind, and it left Steve confused. Because for how delicate Tony seemed to be he had an unwavering strength that had kept him afloat since the bombing. Even when Steve had tried to force him away and kept him from seeking help, Tony survived.

Steve had had the audacity to accuse Tony of not caring for Bucky, or anyone but himself, yet he survived. 

 

The inescapable truth was Steve didn’t know if he would have been able to do the same if he was in the man’s shoes.

 

The soldier was confused as his eyes fell on Tony Stark’s back. His shoulders were hunched up to his ears with tension, and though it was impossible with the short amount of time that Steve had known him, he seemed gaunt and sickly. Skinny, as if he hadn’t allowed himself to eat, as if his own misery had kept him from swallowing.

But, what should have destroyed the man in front of him didn’t. 

 

Steve was confused.

 

Because he was afraid. Afraid that for once he had made a grave mistake. That maybe he didn’t know the man in front of him as well as he thought he had. 

 

In fact, Steve didn’t know if he knew the man at all.

 

“Mr. Stark...I-I,” Steve stumbled over his words not sure where he was going with this, but knowing he had to apologize if he was ever going to be able to live with himself again. More importantly, because he was truly sorry for his actions towards Tony the past couple days, realizing he had quarantined the man in his own mind. Knowing that insanity had bested better men then the both of them. 

 

But, Tony was striking at him before the right words could even form on his tongue.

 

“Don’t you dare, Rogers,” Tony snapped, his bloodshot eyes coming to land on Steve, stinging like the crack of a whip, “I don’t need your pity, nor do I need your lectures. You were right, is that what you want to hear? I don’t belong here. I grew up in high society, never feeling the horrors of the lives of people like you. I’m a monster, I know. But, at the very least I’m not like you. I’ll go down with whatever goddamn ship I land myself on, can you say the same? You’re pathetic, changing your opinion of me depending on how guilty you feel for the poor rich man who can barely take care of himself. Get over your self imposed righteousness, you’re not any better then the rest of us.”

 

Why did it always have to be like this, Steve thought as his apology shriveled up and died in his throat. Any feelings of remorse, or worry, for Tony fading away like a distant memory.

 

Some part of Steve knew Tony was lashing out due to feelings he could barely comprehend, feelings Steve himself could barely comprehend. But, it was just another reminder of why they were about as compatible as oil and water. Tony was an asshole who threw Steve’s own humility back at him, and Steve was done trying to atone for sins Tony was never going to forgive him of. It was a sick cycle that Steve was determined to break, no matter what Bucky’s last requests of him were. 

He would still keep an eye on Tony, for Rhodes and Bucky, but he was done with the fights and the tentative friendship and all of it. He was done having Tony Stark in his life, a life that had been made hell since the moment the man stepped off his goddamn plane.

So Steve made a decision. He wasn’t going to fight with Tony, not anymore, he wasn’t even going to ignore him either. He was just going to stop caring. He was going to let Tony’s words roll right off of him, because this hurt the man was causing him was ridiculous. 

The genius’s chest heaved by the end of his argument, he looked frazzled, and hurt, and in so much pain that a part of Steve felt compelled to try and heal him. But, he burned that urge quickly. No more would he play a pawn in Tony Stark’s games.

 

“We’re leaving now,” Steve spoke, clinically. Tony flinched as if he had been physically hit. Steve didn’t comment on it or feel any sympathy for him. Tony deserved it, “If you aren’t ready in time you’ll be left behind.”

 

With that Steve threw the bag he still had in his hand to the ground. It connected jarringly with the floor as it collided with metal and glass. The clinking that followed was the only sound as Steve exited the tent. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

The heat shouldn’t have been this bad so late in September, and Steve figured it would probably be one of the last seriously hot days they had this season. But, the sun was currently pounding down on the regiment as it came to a high so late in the day. And, it was miserable.

The base had been on the move since early afternoon once their left over valuables were secure to go. Steve, himself, was carrying a large pack as he walked behind the troops to watch their backs. Not that he minded, the weight was helping him keep his mind off of much darker topics he knew delighted in infecting his mind.

 

Bucky…

 

Tony…

 

He pushed it all away before they could take a greater hold then they already had. But, even then his peace of mind wasn’t to be.

One of the troop’s runners came up to the Captain from a ways in front of him. He was a boy barely old enough to be in the army, and something inside Steve twinged. Had Bucky and he really been as young and fresh looking as this kid when they started? Had they really thrown away their childhood for a war that not fifteen years later would take one of their lives? Part of Steve wanted to grab the boy by the shoulders and tell him to run, tell him to get out before it was too late. Of course, his hands stayed exactly where they were, holding the straps connected to the pack on his back.

 

The boy wasted no time in whispering his intent quickly enough before running off again, blending into the soldier’s ranks until he disappeared from Steve’s vision.

 

Nonetheless, his words stuck.

 

Tony. Tony Stark was falling behind, and Fury expected him to do something about it.

Because it would be truly terrible to lose their resident genius, apparently. Steve felt a trickle of annoyance as he turned around. Sure enough, he could spot Tony a ways behind stumbling over his own two feet, the pack on his back weighing him down.

Sweat dripped into Steve’s eyes, blurring his vision, and with a vicious grunt he forced his body back the way it came, catching up to Tony easily.

 

“What are you doing?” Steve asked, keeping his voice neutral enough, though a hint of his discrepancy crept through. Tony’s head snapped up from where he was once again picking himself up off the ground. Dirt covered the man, smudging on his clothes and skin, Steve caught himself before he wiped off the spot on Tony’s cheek. He clenched his hands to deter the impulse and moved on, falling securely back into his hatred for the other man.

 

“Walking,” Tony answered as he stumbled the last few feet to the Captain, “what does it look like?” The words were spoken no less harshly than his own but Steve chose, wisely, to ignore him.

 

The Captain was impatient. He was waiting until Tony was a step ahead of him to start walking again so he could herd the man back to the flock. Steve didn’t understand what was holding the able bodied genius up. The terrain wasn’t particularly rough to climb, yet something was clearly wrong. 

Steve caught himself before he could start pondering what that was. He didn’t care, he truly didn’t. 

That was until Stark caught his foot on a rock and spilled over to meet the ground.

 

Then he kind of cared.

 

Steve grasped the smaller man’s waist easily and brought him back up quickly, using a little too much force so that he tumbled back into Steve’s awaiting chest. The Captain stabled the man, not letting him go until he was sure Tony could support himself. 

The movement certainly had nothing to do with the way Tony felt tucked away in the soldier’s chest, safe and protected from the world around them for only a moment. The last time he had felt the genius pressed up against him was when they were standing in the ruin of all they held dear. Clinging to each other in an attempt to piece their broken worlds back together. 

Steve shook his head, as if to wipe it clean. He promised himself that he wouldn’t fall back into another one of the man’s traps, and he was sticking to that resolution.

If it also meant he had to let Tony go, so be it.

Easily enough so as not to raise suspicion, the soldier forced himself away from Tony, unhanding the genius as if he had started a fire on his skin. Though he knew the electricity sparking in the soldier's veins had little to do with the facade Steve put up.

 

“What’s going on,” Steve demanded of Tony finally, putting all of his energy into berating the man.

Tony’s arms came up to wrap around his torso protectively, his large eyes looking anywhere but at Steve.

 

“None of your business,” Tony answered, realizing how childish he sounded but not caring. He knew the Captain was just itching to use one of his weaknesses against him, and this would be sure fire ammunition. But, Steve wasn’t having it. As he had done what seemed like a lifetime ago, the man grabbed Stark by the wrists and pulled him closer until their faces, both red with effort, were close enough to touch.

 

“If it didn’t have to do with my troops safety, and your own, goddammit I would let you get away with that answer. However, whatever’s going on is impacting all of us. So, therefore, my question wasn’t a request and I expect an answer from you.” 

 

“And, if you don’t get one?” Tony seethed, never one to back down easily, “what will you do then, Captain?”

 

Brown eyes met blue in a battle of wills, as they so often did. Brutal looks of contempt were hurled between them like stones, the cycle never breaking- 

 

Until it did.

 

Brown eyes went wide. But, not a second later blue eyes met his again with enough rage to destroy a legion, and he figured his mind had been playing tricks on him.

Tony almost opened his mouth to snap at the Captain once more...but it happened again. 

Tony was certain now that he wasn't seeing things.

 

Blue eyes flickered down to stare intently at rosey lips. Brown eyes were almost afraid to let his own gaze wander on the off chance he had mistaken the look for something it wasn’t. But, Tony was no fool. 

Brown eyes slid down the expanse of Steve’s face to land on a dark scowl. Tony’s breath hitched. The desire to lean forward seeming to consume him. But, he held back, insisting Steve make the first move. Willing for Steve to break the tension that had been building since the first day Tony got here. The genius parted his lips slightly, and Steve had to bite back a curse as he pulled the man closer to him. 

 

“Figure it out,” Steve murmured, nose brushing against Tony’s own, who was a puddle from the man’s words. He knew, in that second, that he would let Steve do anything to him. Anything he wanted and Tony would come back begging for more.

 

But, a second could only ever last for a second.

 

Tony pushed himself out of Steve’s hold.

 

Yes, it was Tony who pulled away from his own personal fantasy. Some part of him knowing that to kiss the Captain would only lead to complications. No matter how regret might eat away at him for the rest of his life. 

Steve, came away completely caught off guard, which Tony couldn’t help but take as a win as he brushed himself off. 

 

“My ankle,” Tony conceded, knowing it was the only way to put the unbearable tension behind them. Steve’s head snapped up from where his gaze had been hooked on the pebbles on the ground, trying to understand what had almost transpired between them. What it meant.

 

“What?” He asked, a flush still coloring his face. Tony thought it very unfair that he still managed to look sexy with hair falling in front of his eyes and sweat making his uniform stick sinfully to his body.

 

“My ankle has been hurting for a few days now, I think it's from the blast but it wasn’t too bad until we started hiking,” Tony said, trying to force his gaze away from Steve’s broad chest. The notion that he had been snug up against it only moments before still fresh in his memory.

But, Tony’s omission was enough to break Steve out of his own trance as something that the soldier couldn’t quite define obstructed his airway.

 

“What?” Steve expressed again, though he had heard the man the first time, “Tony, what the hell! Why didn’t you tell anyone, you stupid, prideful man. That’s one of the first things you should have learned here, pain is pain. There’s no point in trying to tough it out when it could have been taken care of immediately and we wouldn't be having this conversation to begin with-”

 

But, Tony wasn’t paying attention to Steve’s ranting as every part of him froze. His spin went rigid as the blood rushed from his face.

The soldier paused, caught off guard. He had never seen Tony Stark so still before, a trace of fear in his eyes. 

 

Something was wrong.

 

Before Steve could make a move to protect Tony from whatever had him spooked, Tony rammed his body into Steve’s own. The soldier's breath caught as they crashed to the ground right as the deafening crack of a gunshot sounded. 

 

“No!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though I have multiple chapters done updates might be a bit sparse because life is getting in the way so sorry for the wait, hope you enjoy

Steve’s ears sparked with gunfire as his body crashed hard into the ground beneath him. The blunt force used to tackle him was enough for his breath to abandon him. Steve was panic-stricken as he had no idea what was going on around him. The last he could remember was being face to face with a man he had thought he hated prior to their most recent encounter. The next he knew he was knocked flat on his back with the world spinning around him and a heavy weight pressing on his chest.

 

A weight that seemed to be suffocating the soldier, though he didn’t move to get it off. Somewhere in the back of his brain he knew that the weight on his chest was important, it had saved him from something.

 

He had saved Steve from something.

 

The soldier gasped in his first breath since the hit, and the world righted itself.

All at once he was overloaded with stimulation, his mind running faster then he had thought possible as all his questions answered themselves.

 

They had been arguing, him and the man on his chest, and then something much more dangerous had been about to happen. Something that Steve wasn’t sure was truly a bad thing.

 

Blue eyes meeting brown.

 

But the moment had been interrupted nonetheless. And not a second to soon. 

Steve had been tackled, preventing a shot meant to kill him from ever touching his body. 

He remembered, the genius had gone still as he understood what was about to happen long before Steve did. Yet, all the soldier had been caught up in was chastising the man. An action that seemed so trivial being on the other side of it. Tony, despite their current standing, had stopped a bullet from ripping through his body. 

 

Steve snapped out of it quickly as the full intent of the situation took hold, and he realized the danger they were in. Someone had tried to kill him, and the soldier had to get them out of here fast. Feeling his mind sober, Steve wrapped an arm around Tony, who was still oddly deadweight on his chest, and flipped them over so the genius was on the ground and Steve was the one protecting him. 

 

As it should have been to begin with, a voice in his head insisted. Steve was inclined to agree. He also knew he didn’t have time right now to dwell on it, not when he noticed something that made his heart stop.

 

Blood.

 

Blood was pouring from the bullet wound etched into Tony’s shoulder. 

The thick, inky liquid painted the man’s shirt and soaked into the Earth underneath him. 

 

“No,” Steve heard himself saying without truly understanding, “You’re not going to die on me you son of a bitch.”

That he did understand. Throwing away any emotion that could get in his way, Steve checked over the man underneath him. The paleness of his skin contrasted heavily with the dark hair on his head, and his eyes were closed almost peacefully in a way that made the soldier’s nerve endings spark. If it wasn’t for the fact that Steve could feel a steady pulse from the vulnerable point in Stark’s neck, he may have thought all hope was lost.

Without letting himself think any further, Steve tore the bottom of his shirt off. The fabric created a strip long enough to staunch the blood flow from Tony’s wound until Steve had time to stitch it back up. That was Tony’s biggest problem right now. If the man kept losing the vital fluid in his veins at this speed, Steve would lose him. 

The thought made his stomach roll, and his knees weak. Steve almost allowed himself to look away from the man at his knees who needed him most. 

 

But, he stopped himself. 

 

Steve grit his teeth, he would not let emotion rule him. He knew what had happened last time he didn’t seal up a chink in his armour, someone had died. He wouldn’t fail like he had last time, he would never forgive himself if he did. With a renewed sense of vigor Steve gripped the back of Tony’s neck, a promise on his lips.

 

“I’m going to get you out of this, you hear me Stark? And, you’re going to stay alive long enough for that to do you some good. Promise me.”

 

Steve hadn’t actually expected an unconscious man to respond to him, but he swore he heard a grumble logical enough to be an answer before the sound of another gunshot brought him back to the world around him.

Steve stood up fast enough to give himself whiplash, gun in his hand locked and loaded. He was stupid to forget they were on a battlefield, but it didn't really matter anyway. Whoever was after them had provoked Captain Steve Rogers and he was out for blood.

This was Steve’s natural element, he thrived on the battlefield where he could allow himself to fall back into a persona that even frightened him at times.

He would prove to these bastards who exactly they were dealing with, and the inescapable carnage they had caused.

Steve planted himself in front of Tony’s body, prepared to protect the man with his life, if that’s what it came to, and scanned the surrounding playing field for signs of life. But, there was nothing. No hint of a body, or sound of a breath. Their enemies were hiding somewhere in the wide terrain, undoubtedly in the lining of the forest, not that the information helped him any. Unless Steve got this fight over with quickly, Tony would die before Steve could help him.

 

Desperation forced Steve to focus. 

The soldier was positive that the group hounding them was not a large one. If their enemies had a full troup with them Steve had no doubt that both he and Tony would be dead by now. 

The lack of numbers was also the reason they were hiding. The enemy was trying to wear Steve down, make him lose his patience and act rashly to save the man on the ground behind him. They were waiting for him to mess up.

 

Steve would do no such thing, the fools. 

 

He could do this all day.

 

But, they did have one advantage over him. Maybe Steve could wait them out, but Tony could not. 

The man grunted at his own useless information. No matter how he searched, he couldn't see a hint of a body in the foliage which...didn’t make sense, Steve realized.

 

Because, Tony did. Tony saw whoever was there first and saved Steve’s life because of it. Assurance flowed through him. This was useful information. 

Steve’s attention snapped to the place the duo had been arguing minutes prior to the first attack and pictured himself where Tony had been standing what seemed like a lifetime ago. The man had been red in the face in front of Steve, his eyes blown wide and lips parted just so. He had been maintaining eye contact with Steve and- and he had been staring directly at Steve.

 

He had been looking up.

 

Steve’s breath quickened as the answer to his riddle slotted into place. For once he relented, Tony was a genius.

 

There were men in the trees. 

He moved his gaze upward, almost afraid to be wrong, but sure enough he spotted a flash of metal. A gun, sparkling in the afternoon sun. 

If anything was going to bring them into the light, this was it.

 

Steve lifted his aim and shot. The reverberation from the weapon shocked its way through his arm, giving him a familiar adrenaline rush. The bang from the shot had barely finished ringing out as a body hit the ground with a thump.

 

“Thank you, Tony,” the soldier said to himself before the battle was upon him. As he expected, a strangled cry fell from the lips of the other men hiding in the trees, their need to avenge their fallen brother causing them to act carelessly. 

Two men emerged from deep in the forest, murder in their eyes. 

 

Later Steve would mourn for the man he killed, knowing that he had taken away a husband, a comrade, a friend from the people who loved him. But, right now he didn't have that luxury, he had to protect his own people and like hell he would.

Two gunshots aimed for Steve’s head but he dropped and rolled to the side just in time to feel their heat graze the side of his ear before flying past. 

 

He clambered to his feet and was on the move just as more bullets whizzed around him. At any point now he could have shot at least one of the men dead and had this over with, but he needed to get their attention off Tony first in case he shot one and the other aimed for the genius in retaliation. 

The vivid image of Tony’s lifeless body being pumped full of bullet after bullet flashed through his mind causing another burst of determination to push him to work faster, harder. 

He didn’t realize how much he despised the picture until it wouldn’t go away. With each imagined strike that made the genius convulse, Steve hated it more and more. 

 

The time he took to finally expel the image from his brain was enough distraction for one of the bullets to catch the top of his shoulder.

Steve hissed in pain as his skin was torn in two, but when he looked down it was only a scratch and he knew it wouldn’t cause lasting damage.

 

The battle at hand was all that mattered, and this time when he saw his shot he took it.

With two bullet’s both men were down hard. Already Steve knew one was dead, the other on the brink.

Steve let himself sheath his gun and catch his breath before running over to the bodies, knowing this wasn’t over yet.

As he had predicted, one man lay face up to the world, an unseeing glaze in his eyes. His comrade tried to inch himself to the safety of the trees with a wound eating at his leg. However, when he saw Steve coming over, he quickly tried to scramble over to the weapon he had dropped in his surprised decent to the ground. But, Steve was faster. He snatched the fallen weapon up and pointed his own weapon at the soldier. Murder in the depths of his eyes.

 

“Who are you? Why are you here?” Steve seethed leaving no room for debate. The man only sneered, and spit at Steve refusing to answer.

Steve cocked the gun in his hand, message clear as day.

 

Checkmate.

 

The man raised his hands in surrender.

 

“I’ll ask you one more time,” Steve growled, jaw clenched, “Why were you shooting at us.”

 

When the man opened his mouth a heavy accent came through, though Steve could understand him.

 

“We weren’t shooting at you,” the man declared, pain making him jerk where he lay. Steve pulled his lips back. Not in the mood to play games, the Captain brought his foot down over the wound in the man’s leg. A vicious scream was ripped from the man’s throat, and when Steve took the pressure away the words were practically spilling from his mouth.

 

“We didn’t care about you,” he promised, “our only orders were to shoot him. You were just in the way.” 

With a vicious jerk of his head the man indicated to Tony. Immediately, Steve stepped in front of the genius, blocking him from view. 

The timer in Steve’s head was ticking dangerously low to the stopping point. The urgency in his voice obvious as he spoke his next words.

 

“Why? What does he have to do with anything,” logically, Steve could see them going after Tony for ransom or to force him to build weapons. But, these men weren’t aiming to capture, or even torture, their aim was to kill.

The blood in Steve’s veins fluctuated from freezing to boiling, and the urge to shoot the man through his skull was a strong one. But, he needed these answers first. Just a little more time, and then this would be over, and he could stop feeling Tony’s clammy skin turning colder and colder under his finger tips.

 

“Answer me,” Steve all but shouted at the dying man on the ground. His complexion was turning white as too much blood flowed from his thigh. Steve didn’t care, but he’d be damned if the man died before Steve could get all the information he needed out of him.

 

The soldier took a wheezing breath in before giving Steve what he needed.

 

“The Stark’s are your biggest advantage over us,” the man said, “even if we captured them, your side would have billions of weapons, and we’d get only a few hundred out of them before they’d die. Their capture wasn't worth it. Their deaths however would level the playing field. Those were our orders,” the man indicated to the bodies around him, and Steve had no doubt they were only a small portion of the troop sent to carry out the mission. They had probably thought killing Tony would be an easy job. Steve’s fingers clenched around the metal in his hands, but kept his temper as the man caught his breath enough to finish his story.

 

“Kill the two Starks. The two men who could tip the scales entirely in your favor,” the man started coughing wildly, and red stained his white lips, but the words kept flowing, “we had almost succeeded. The murder in New York was staged perfectly as an accident,” another wheezy inhale, “The father, dead. The son- the prodigal son-” the man spat a blob of blood out of his mouth, his eyes going hazy. Steve felt like he might be sick, “-still damningly alive, even after the bombing that should have destroyed everything-”

 

Steve’s breath hitched, the world shifted underneath him. 

A red rimmed hatred coursed through him so powerful he felt he was going to fall to his knees with its force. These were the men who had destroyed his home, and murdered half his regiment. These were the men who had taken everything from Tony. These were the men who had killed Bucky.

 

Steve was going to murder them all. Not for the sake of anything righteous, but for pure revenge. He would hunt them down one by one.

 

The man was still blubbering on the ground manically as the life drained from him, but Steve didn’t care that he was still talking or that he was going to die in the next few minutes. 

The Captain raised the gun he had previously lowered, and without hesitation, put a bullet through the man’s skull. He savored the flash of fear that had passed his face before the life was sucked out of him.

 

The body hit the ground with a hard thud, and then there was silence.

 

Damning silence.

 

The grass below Steve blurred as tears clouded his vision, the foreign gun dropped from his hands like he couldn’t bare to hold it anymore. 

He wanted to scream, he wanted to lose himself in his anguish, he wanted to mutilate the bodies at his feet until they were unrecognizable.

 

He did none of that.

 

With purpose in his stride, Steve crossed the distance to where Tony lay on the ground. He looked like a sleeping prince, the soldier realized offhandedly as he picked up the body. A handsome sleeping prince, if you ignored the bloodstains on his shirt. Even though the rag that Steve had stuffed the hole with was holding up, blood was still splashed along the man’s clothes.

 

The thought brought a strike of pain to Steve’s mind, but it was enough to get him out of the daze he seemed to find himself in.

 

Tony needed him. And, Steve refused to let him down.

 

The man lay heavy in his arms, though Steve tried to maneuver him so he was comfortable and his head was supported. If he wasn't mistaken Tony seemed to snuggle himself further into the hold but Steve also could have been imagining things so he ignored it.

But, it didn’t stop him from leaning down to press a kiss into the man’s hair, not letting himself wonder why he was doing it, but feeling the need for the brief point of contact anyway. Tony was engulfed in his arms, he’d like to find anyone who wouldn't have done the same thing.

The man’s hair was as soft as it looked, and there was enough heat coming off of Tony’s skin to relax Steve.

 

“You’re going to be ok, Tony, I promise,” Steve whispered, his words being carried away by the breeze.

The soldier turned around to hurry his way back to the regiment, but froze in his steps.

 

No.

 

No, no, no. This couldn’t be happening. 

Steve turned expecting to see his men in the distance, but found nothing but an empty field leading up to the tree line.

They had strayed too far from the group for anyone to realize they had gone missing, Steve realized horrified. The troop had gone on without them, and Tony might die because of it.

 

No.

 

A voice savagely bit out in his mind. No, Tony was not going to die. 

Tony was not going to die because Steve knew how to stitch a wound. Steve had supplies buried in his pack. Steve knew the way to the next camp. Due to his statise, he had the luxury of getting a copy of the map that Fury was using to lead the way. The trip wouldn't be long, they would make it. Steve had enough rations in his pack to last them, and he could catch game if need be. Tony wasn’t going to die.

 

Maybe most importantly, Tony wasn’t going to die because Steve needed him to live.

 

A shock jolted Steve’s body as he took a step forward, and then another as he got them to the shelter of the trees. Steve didn’t think there were any more men out to get them just yet, but it would only be a matter of time, and Steve wanted to be nowhere near here when they found that out. 

He would get them to a safe place and then take care of Tony, who already looked to be taking on a bit more color then he had before.

 

They would make it, he thought with more certainty. He could do this. Steve allowed himself to breathe as the cover of the forest enveloped them into its waiting embrace.

 

The wind was blowing, the birds were chirping and Tony Stark was alive in Steve’s arms. They would make it.

 

And so began Steve Roger’s journey alone with Tony Stark.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while to get out i think i said this last time but updates are going to be a little further apart because i need time to write and edit them  
> But im not abandoning this story i love it too much lol

“ _No_!”

 

Tony screamed. The genius had felt a fear grip him like no other as the pieces of the puzzle came together in a horrifying picture. His was supposed to be smart enough to stop bad situations before they happened. Before they could ever get this far.

 

Steve Rogers wasn’t going to die.

 

Maybe Tony’s mind had betrayed him, but like hell was he going to let Steve become collateral damage because of it.

Using his body as dead weight, Tony had hurled himself at the soldier intent on getting him to the ground no matter the cost. And, there was a cost, but one Tony would willingly pay.

 

He had just enough time to know that Steve was safe before a physical pain he had never felt the likes of split his flesh until every nerve was alight with the torture. 

But, it was ok. He would accept it. As long as Steve lived, he would die knowing he had done the right thing.

 

Now the question was, why did death hurt so damn much?

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Tony came back to his body in a jolt. 

 

Like all of a sudden he was alive again.

 

His own breath hit him first as he realized he had been depriving himself of the needed substance for too long. He inhaled.

Then there was color. It burst into life with a beauty Tony would admit he took for granted before then. The inkinesss of the night sky pebbled with the light from its stars had never looked so beautiful. The crackling red from the fire in front of him never so alive.

But, soon came the pain, and oh how it hurt. It wasn’t as noticeable as when he first acquired it, but a solid ache pulsed through his body. Yet, he was grateful for it. Grateful that he wasn’t stuck in the endless loop of time he had been in when it seemed he was deciding which path to take. Those memories hit him too, but he didn’t dwell on them, he was too relieved to no longer be living them.

 

Lastly, Tony took in the man across from him. The blond of his hair flickered due to the light of the flame, and an aura of guilt hung around him as he stared pensively at the ground. His arms rested on his thighs, hands clasped together in a hard fist, and he was tapping his foot to a seemingly invisible beat. Tony thought that maybe it was to the pulse of a heartbeat, but the notion left as quickly as it came. 

The soldier had taken off his armor, and Tony wasn’t going to let whimsical nonsense ruin his moment to study the Captain.

 

Steve had dressed down to a t-shirt and pants, forgoing his official uniform in favor of comfort. He was hunched in on himself, as if afraid to make himself too big in fear of being noticed. By what, Tony could only guess at. But, the genius got the impression Steve was used to having to make himself seem less then the people around him. The notion sat wrong in the genius’s chest. 

Even when the man drove Tony to the brink, he had always been able to admire Steve’s presence. He never allowed himself to be pushed down. He always fought for what he felt he deserved. Sure, Tony had disagreed with what he thought the man deserved time and time again, but Steve fought for it anyway. 

If Tony tried to engage him in any controversial conversation now, he had a feeling the man would roll over and show his belly. This wasn’t who Tony had grown to know, and even depend on at times. This man was beaten down by the world around him, and didn’t have the strength to push against it anymore.

 

Tony was pretty sure he hated what he was witnessing. It felt wrong, like the Earth had spun off its axis and not even the brightest scientists could figure out why. Steve being the Earth, and Tony being the dutiful scientist he was.

 

The genius was pulled out of his analysis as a tempting smell wafted past his nose. Steve was making dinner. Tony’s stomach grumbled as if on cue.

 

Tony couldn’t recall the last time he’d eaten, and his body was making its displeasure known. 

Tony figured now was the best time to make his presence known, though he couldn't help but mourn this small insight into the Captain. He wasn’t dumb enough to expect to see this side of the man again. The genius was pulled back down to reality. He knew that if Steve had realized he was being watched, he wouldn't have let Tony see this side of him at all.

 

They weren’t friends.

 

The thought hardened Tony’s resolve, the genius sat up a little straighter against what could only be the base of a tree, and spoke.

 

“Captain.”

 

The word was hoarse, and it felt like sand coming up his throat as a series of coughs choked him immediately after, but it got the man’s attention. 

 

Steve’s eyes snapped to Tony, a beautiful agony on his face as he took in the genius, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Like he had experienced this same encounter in his head already, but hadn’t dared hoped to see it with his own eyes.

 

“Tony,” the man said his name like a prayer falling from his cracked lips as the soldier stumbled over himself to get to the genius. But, Tony didn’t let him get far before a dire request fell from his lips.

 

“Water,” he gasped out, feeling like he still couldn't breathe properly with the gravel cutting at his vocal chords.

Steve, bless him, understood. The soldier grabbed for a kettle laying on a blanket on the ground that was covered with medical tools and dry food. 

Bringing the pot over to Tony, the man knelt down and with a ladle spooned out water for him to drink.

Tony sat forward too quickly, forgetting about his current disability, and winced at the pain that laced through his arm. He immediately fell back against the tree trunk. A hard grunt falling from his lips.

 

The wound in his shoulder.

 

Steve hadn’t had time to stop Tony before he moved, though the warning had laid on the tip of his tongue.

 

“I could have told you it would hurt if you had just waited a moment, idiot,” the words were intermingled with worry, and Tony knew there was no reason to take offense, so for once he didn't have a comeback.

However, Steve looked unsure how to proceed without the genius spit firing back a retort. His worry lines seemed to deepen no matter how Tony wished they would subside. 

It was strange to have the man caring for him, and there was no doubt in the genius’s mind that that’s what was happening.

 

Steve Roger’s was taking care of him. 

 

Even though they weren’t friends, Tony reminded himself again. He was insistent on never forgetting it. Steve hated Tony, and Tony hated Steve and that’s how it was going to stay.

 

“Will you let me help this time?” Steve asked, indicating that he would assist Tony in his quest to sit up as long as he let him. Tony nodded, and he thought he may have caught the beginnings of a smile because of it.

Steve set down the pot, and gently moved his arm behind Tony’s body, securing his hold on him. Tony had no time to prepare before Steve’s hard body was pressed tightly against his own, the heat from the fire creating a halo effect around Steve’s frame as his eyes made contact with Tony’s. 

 

Was it only Tony that felt a blush tingle in the apples of his cheeks? 

 

“Are you ready,” Steve said, voice smooth and quiet as he checked Tony for any signs of discomfort. Tony could only nod his response, too caught up in every point their skin made contact.

Though maybe it was for the better as he didn't have time to think about the new rush of pain that rammed through his body with the sudden motion.

 

“Agh,” Tony grunted as he was positioned correctly, the movement finally stopping as his back hit against the tree again and the black spots in his vision faded away. 

 

“Tony,” Steve said, worried. The soldier’s face broke through the haze of Tony’s pain, giving him something to focus on besides his throbbing nerves. 

 

“I’m ok,” Tony finally remembered to answer, “but can I have that water now?” The genius put as much charm and easiness into the words as possible in hopes Steve bought the previous lie. He didn’t think he succeeded, but Steve didn’t comment on it and Tony counted that as a win. 

 

Steve turned to grab water, giving Tony time to inspect the bullet hole in his body. Medical gaws covered his naked shoulder where Steve must have ripped away the fabric of his shirt, and barely any blood was saturating the tangle of fabric. He figured he was ok for now.

 

Steve hummed to get Tony’s attention, and the genius had to wait no longer for water to clear his dry throat. 

Steve cupped the underside of Tony’s chin, and helped tip the man’s head back so the drink could go down smoother. The cool liquid was addicting to Tony, who managed three ladlefuls before Steve cut him off. The man wiped away the droplets that had fallen on Tony’s chin, even as the genius scowled. He hated not being able to do things for himself.

Nonetheless, he kept track of Steve as he stood from where he had been kneeling next to Tony to return the pot to the blanket. There Tony could now make better sense of the equipment laid across it.

 

Bloody gaws, and sewing needles, and tweezers, all things that made Tony shudder when he thought of why Steve had required their use. Sitting next to it all, was the scarlet nub of a bullet. Tony eagerly looked away as bile rose in his throat. That nub had been in him not a day ago. 

He focused instead on Steve who was taking the food off the fire and slopping it into two metal bowls from his pack.

Tony bit his tongue, he hated being so invalid that he needed someone to spoon his bowl for him. He hated much more that it was necessary if he wanted to eat.

 

“What’s the damage?” He finally asked. He had already figured out the answer from the rags and the blood, but felt the need to fill the silence and distract himself.

 

Steve glanced up at the man before going back to prepping their meal.

 

“You’re lucky Mr. Stark,” Steve said, taking Tony aback.

With the way Steve had eagerly spoke Tony’s name earlier, he hadn’t expected the one-eighty quite so quickly. But, he didn’t have the energy to ponder it further. He was content to expect hostility from the man, as he so often did. 

 

“The bullet didn’t go deep enough to cause permanent, irreversible damage. I took the liberty of removing the casing and sewing you up so you wouldn’t die of blood loss in your sleep. You’re damn lucky.” 

 

The words were spat out as an accusation that Tony couldn't help but feel contempt. 

Tony had done a lot of things in his time to warrant rude treatment, he had stopped expecting anything different. 

However, for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what he had done this time to deserve it. That’s what really made his stomach twist. What he had done, taking the bullet, he didn’t regret it.

 

“Am I missing something?” Tony asked, “If it wasn’t for me you would be a corpse, left to rot from the inside out. I did the right thing.”

 

That seemed to be the final straw as Steve flung the ladle he was holding against a nearby tree. It clattered to the ground as slop went flying in all directions.

 

“But you didn’t do the right thing Stark, that’s my point. You’re not supposed to risk yourself for me, ever. I’m a soldier. I’m trained to take a bullet. You’re not. I’ve been conditioned to die for a long while, and you’re-

 

“A rich asshole who couldn’t possibly have a decent bone in his body to want to save someone’s life-”

 

“No! For once, that’s not what I’m saying if you would just listen. I’m supposed to protect you, and you make my job that much harder when you go flinging yourself in front of bullets for no damn reason-”

 

“Shit Steve, I couldn’t let you die!”

 

The words ripped themselves from Tony’s lips, as if they had been hidden inside him all along. Finally, the soldier seemed to be at a loss for words. Steve stood stoically still. His chest heaved with frustration, and his face was red from arguing but there was a silent confusion in his eyes that Tony planned to take full advantage of. 

 

“I couldn’t let you die,” Tony said again. The genius bit his lip in preparation for his next sentence. One that would be as much of a gamble as any sentence could be.

 

“I think that’s a pretty good fucking reason.”

 

The Captain’s brow furrowed, as if he was having a hard time comprehending what Tony meant with that. Trying to see if there was a hidden insult in Tony’s words. But, the genius could have told him that he wouldn’t find one. 

 

And, wasn’t that just terrifying. 

 

Because Tony had just laid a part of him out in the open, a part he had showed to less than a handful of people before. It was a part of him that was scared, and vulnerable, and liked to hide away in the dark most times. What was even scarier was that he had just handed that part of himself to someone he was pretty sure despised him. 

And Steve wasn’t saying anything. Tony bit back a curse. He had gone too far, he knew it. He had said too much and had been too honest and now he had inadvertently pushed Steve away. Just because they had shared that weird, intimate, moment earlier didn’t mean anything had changed between them. He wished he could make his heart understand that as easily as his head. 

 

Steve didn’t even remotely like him, not that Tony liked Steve but...well...the man didn’t deserve to die. And, not just because Tony was starting to care for the man as much as he knew he shouldn’t. 

Not that his emotions would make a difference. Tony had just ruined even the timid acquaintanceship that had started blossoming between the two with his stupid words and-

 

And Steve was kneeling in front of Tony with a bowl of food in his hand and an apologetic smile on his face. Tony thought his jaw might have dropped, and for the first time in a long time his mind went blank. He didn’t know what to do. Steve was handing him a peace offering. An olive branch, if you will. And, Tony was struck dumb. 

 

The time on the offer ticked dangerously low as the soldier waited, hopefully, for Tony’s reaction. But, the hope dimmed in Steve’s eyes the longer he was kept waiting, and with a hard sigh the soldier started to retreat. He took Tony’s silence as a response in its own form. Tony couldn't have that.

 

“No!” he all but shouted, scrambling to assure Steve that he appreciated the offer. Using his good arm he snatched the bowl from the soldier causing some of the mush to slush over the side. But, Tony didn't even notice the mess as he shoveled a bite in, desperate to wipe the devastation from Steve’s face.

 

“I accept you’re food offering, now quit looking at me like I kicked your puppy or something just as devious.”

Tony shoveled another bite in his mouth as if to prove the truth to his statement. Steve watched him eat almost pensively, seeming to make sure Tony was actually being serious about his offer. When he decided the genius’s intentions were honest, a visible weight was lifted off his shoulders. Tony could have melted.

 

Steve sunk into his satisfaction as he picked himself up and moved back to his side of camp.

For once, the atmosphere didn’t carry any friction between them. Tony could get used to it.

 

For a while after the two ate in comfortable silence. Tony, not even done with his first serving, when Steve was on his second. It was good, it was nice. Tony put his bowl to the side and thought that if they stayed this amicable with each other he wouldn’t mind being around the other man. So, of course, when Steve broke the silence Tony expected for the words hurled at him to sting. But, the hurt never came.

 

“Thank you, Tony,” Steve admitted, coming over to pick Tony’s bowl up with his own and placed them on the blanket with every other knick knack on there. 

“For saving my life today. I am, truly, sorry for not giving you a fair chance when we first met. You’ve proved my assumptions wrong.”

 

Tony wanted to laugh at the blatant lie spilling from the soldier's lips. He knew he deserved every mean word Steve had flung at him in the past. But, with the guilt in Steve’s eyes, Tony didn’t comment on his thoughts. Instead he nodded his acceptance in Steve’s direction, content in their experimental truce.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Except, an hour later, even their newfound understanding wasn’t enough to stop Tony from losing his patience. The genius had thought the moments of shame flashing across Steve’s face every time they made eye contact was due to their previous conversation. But, the more it continued the more Tony suspected something else was going on. Something the soldier was hiding from him.

 

Steve was setting up their sleeping arrangements (Tony had offered to help but had been told off for even thinking of standing up) when it happened. He shot Tony that look. The look that was a mix between a heavy conscious and pity and Tony couldn't handle it anymore.

 

“What is it, Rogers? What are you not telling me?”

 

Steve winced, and dropped what he was holding. Tony couldn't help but compare him to a school boy being caught doing something he clearly was not supposed to be doing. It only confirmed Tony’s theory that the soldier had been hiding something from him. Now that Steve had so blatantly proved his suspicions correct, Tony wasn’t going to go easy on him. 

 

“Rogers, you tell me right now what’s going on or I swear to god I’ll-I’ll” Tony realized he didn’t have much to threaten the man with in his current position, yet he appreciated Steve’s patience while he came up with something, “I’ll stand up and walk off.”

 

Steve eyes went comically wide before slitting and he crossed his arms, “You wouldn’t dare.”

 

Tony only smirked. The Captain had much to learn about just who he was dealing with.

 

“Try me,” Tony said with a cutting edge smirk, challenging Steve to prove him wrong. But, the soldier wasn’t one to back down so easily. 

 

“Look, you’re not wrong, we both know that-”

 

“And-”

 

“But,” Steve countered putting emphasis on the word, “you’re injured and it’s going to be a long journey to the next base. I don’t want you to-”

 

Steve had barely finished speaking before Tony was attempting to push himself up, all of his weight falling on his feet, his one arm, and the tree behind him. Tony hissed and black spotted his vision, but he was adamant to keep going until Steve came clean to him. Of course as soon as Steve saw what was happening he rushed to Tony’s side, his arms already outstretched to help the man.

 

“What the hell is wrong with you, Tony. You’re going to rip your stitches, stop moving.”

 

But, Tony pushed himself away from Steve who was trying his hardest to rangle the smaller man back to the ground without harming him more.

 

“Oh, please. Calm down, you stitched me up. I have full confidence that the threading isn’t moving until you want it too. This is you trying to get out of answering my questions. Keep in mind I wouldn't even have questions to begin with if you weren't such a bad liar. I make good on my threats. Either you tell me the truth or I walk away and die out in the middle of the woods-”

 

“That’s not a funny you idiot, now sit back down. This information isn’t worth hurting yourself over-”

 

“That’s for me to decide now isn’t it,” Tony said, managing to get himself to a standing position, where he balanced himself before taking a step. And Steve was right, the bastard, it hurt like hell as his circulation went crazy and his shoulder throbbed something fierce but he wasn't ready to give up, not yet, “so until you decide to tell me what's going on I’m just going to-”

 

“You’re father’s dead, Tony!” Steve shouted in a panic.

 

“Oh.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Tony was stuck, and entirely unprepared to hear those words come out of Steve Roger’s mouth. 

But, somehow the shock was made easier by the look of absolute mortification that crossed Steve’s face. It almost made Tony crack a smile.

 

As it was Tony wasn’t sure how to feel. He was still pretty sure he hadn't heard the soldier correctly and was waiting for the man to elaborate. But, it never came.

 

“Oh?” he said again, and that seemed to kick Steve out of his stupor.

 

“Stark, I’m so sorry. I had no intention of telling you like that-”

 

“You’re fine, Steve,” Tony said sincerely, not blaming the man for the outburst with the situation the genius had put him in, “But, um, could you help me sit back down.”

 

The words came out sheepishly and Steve couldn't help but scold him with a glare before immediately helping the man. Tony had no time to prepare himself before he was easily lifted into the man’s arms and deposited back onto the ground. The rush of contact left Tony sooner then he would have liked, but it was for the best. 

His father was dead, after all. He should be showing the man a little respect.

 

In fact, Tony should be mourning. He should be screaming and crying and in complete denial of the truth until he wrung Steve dry of every detail concerning his statement. But, the truth was, he didn't want to.

 

He didn’t care enough to, and wasn't that a kick in the face.

He had always thought when this day came he would finally feel some remorse for the man he lost, but he just...didn’t.

 

“Tell me what happened,” Tony said, and this time Steve relented. The blond, after twitching nervously at Tony’s side for far too long, plopped himself on a nearby log. 

 

“What do you want to know?” Steve asked. It was a question Tony felt confident answering.

 

“Everything.”

 

A humorless smirk passed the soldier’s face, “I was afraid you’d say that.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are cool, thanks for reading


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this one sucks I didnt have as long to edit it

“You have to know, there’s a chance the soldier could have lied,” Steve said before he told Tony any more. 

 

But even with the disclaimer Tony knew what Steve said was the truth. 

If not for the deep seated certainty in his bones, then from the way he could tell Steve believed it.

If the soldier had even a hint of doubt about the verification of the information, Tony knew none of what had just occurred would have happened to begin with. Steve was a man who needed concrete facts to truly believe something. And Tony was certain he truly believed this.

 

“What happened,” Tony asked, begged, one last time as he watched the blond bite his lip. But, Tony saw the internal struggle die inside Steve and knew he would get what he asked for. 

 

“If you need me to stop don’t hesitate to say so,” the soldier said, and Tony nodded in assurance though mostly for the other man’s benefit. He knew he wouldn’t stop Steve’s re-telling even if it was too much for him. He owed his father at least that.

 

He owed himself that, too. Closure.

 

“The first thing you should know is that you’re in danger,” Steve started, his voice hardening as if to relay the absolute importance of what he was trying to convey, “The people who shot at us today, there are more of them. I don’t know how many more but enough that you shouldn’t expect me to let you out of my sight until we get to safety.”

 

Tony raised an eyebrow, “Do I have to remind you that it was me who spotted them in the first place.”

 

A vein pulsed beneath Steve’s skin, but if he was annoyed with Tony’s lack of self preservation he didn’t let on. That’s what worried Tony the most. 

 

“And, I thank you for that. However, I was...admittedly distracted,” a blush spread to Steve’s neck as his mind took him to the same moment Tony thought of. 

 

When brown eyes met blue. As they so often did.

 

They moved on quickly.

 

“Now that I have a better grasp of the situation I don’t plan to let the same mistake happen again,” Steve finished.

 

Tony didn’t think hearing those words would sting so much, but he couldn't deny the sharp ache that shot through him. Steve thought their almost kiss a mistake. 

 

Tony had known it was. He had been the one to stop it in the first place. But, knowing Steve could so easily dismiss it didn’t sit well with him.

Tony eagerly focused back in on the more important topic before he let his brain wander and in turn cause himself more trouble.

 

“From what I understand they thought it would be easy, killing you,” Steve said, a hint of rage glinting in his eyes that Tony was too distracted to catch, “They didn’t expect a fight and because of that they probably only deployed a handful of men to deal with you. That means we have to get you to safety before they’re able to bring in more soldiers. I expect by the latest of early tomorrow morning our attacker’s allies will know something went wrong depending on how stupid they are. Word will probably reach their base in a week which should give us ample amount of time to outrun them. Still, be on your guard.”

 

Tony nodded, agreeing readily if only Steve would get to the part Tony wanted to hear about.

The man across from him sensed his impatience, and knew he couldn't stall any longer.

 

Tony braced himself.

 

“Fine,” Steve murmured to himself, and started his story, “After you were unconscious I took down the men shooting at us. I kept one alive long enough to get answers.”

 

Sick anticipation built inside Tony, though a trace of fear filled him as Steve spoke so readily about killing people. Tony had known who the man was, what he was trained to do, but Steve’s capabilities hadn't fully hit him.

 

Not until now.

 

“He told me…he told me how they hadn’t expected your murder to be so difficult when it was so easy to make Howard’s seem like an accident. They said they were surprised to find you had survived the bombing they had orchestrated to make your death look like collateral damage. After that failed attempt their methods became a little more obvious, if that’s what you’d call it.”

 

Tony’s heart sunk.

 

Though not for the reasons anyone would expect it to.

 

The bombing. Tony noticed Steve tried to skim over that part, but it's what sunk its claws the deepest into Tony’s heart. The bombing that had killed so many, that had killed Bucky, was his fault. He felt sick. He felt like he was going to vomit up all the contents in his stomach and never stop until this horrible feeling welling inside him came out too. He was the reason so many wives had been left widowed, children fatherless, families broken. It was his fault. He had tried all his life to never end up like his father. He had never wanted so much blood on his hands in the name of profit. But, look where he was now. Good men died so Tony could live. And he knew, as he would know for the rest of his life, it hadn't been a fair trade.

 

“Tony…” Steve called to him, coaxing him out of his head. Immediately Tony’s guard was up. No matter how much progress the two had made in this night alone, it wasn’t enough for Tony to let all his walls down.

 

“Yeah, Cap,” Tony said, voice hoarser then it had been.

 

The soldier looked like he was at war with himself. Like his big, beautiful, blond instincts were telling him that he should be rushing over to Tony’s side and helping him process his grief. Steve’s logical mind knew that Tony was an infected murderer and that he didn’t deserve such kindness. 

 

Tony knew it was the truth. Yet, a sick part of him ached for Steve to help him through this anyway.

 

“Do you need a moment alone or?” Steve asked, an awkwardness to his words even Steve didn’t seem to know what to do with. 

 

Damn, you Stark, a voice that sounded too much like his father’s cursed in his head. He needed to get a grip, now was not the time to lose himself over this. He wanted...he wanted Rhodey, Tony realized sharply. He wished Rhodey were here to help him make sense of all of this. But he wasn’t, he wasn’t, and for once in Tony’s life he needed to be the bigger man here. He locked away his guilt, his sorrow, his grief, his confusion. All of it he locked deep down inside him where the stickiness of his conscious couldn’t reach, and answered the man in front of him.

 

“I’m fine, Rogers,” Tony said with his usual charm. He prayed Steve didn’t look close enough to realize it was all a facade. But, the man’s brows furrowed anyway, like he couldn't possibly fathom how Tony could be ok. He was right, of course he was right, but Tony would rather be damned then admit that.

 

“Tony, don’t lie to me. It’s ok to not be ok, I mean, he was your father. If you need time I won’t force myself around you.”

Tony almost laughed at that. Of course Steve thought Tony’s hurt was about his father. Of course Steve thought Tony was that selfish to not care about the lives he had ruined due to the bombing. Tony hadn't shown the man any other side to him, but it was for the best really because this Tony could work with.

 

“Really Rogers, I’m ok. Yeah, I guess it kind of sucks that the old man’s gone and I know his funeral will be one hell of a headache, but I’m ok. Despite what people think we were never close,” Tony couldn’t deny the kernel of bitterness that seeped through, apparently not having the control over his words that he thought he did. It startled Tony, but it completely jarred Steve who was on the edge of his seat.

 

“What do you mean. If you don’t mind me asking,” the man added, polite as always, even in his desire to know the truth. To hell with it, Tony thought. They were stuck in the woods with angry Nazi’s after them, what was the harm in letting his tongue slip a bit. As long as they stayed far away from the topic swirling in the back of Tony’s mind.

 

“It means,” Tony said gazing over the tip of the fire to make direct eye contact, “don’t believe everything you read. It means that dear old Dad wasn’t the father he was made out to be.”

 

Steve seemed struck dumb at Tony’s words, and the genius cursed himself. Steve would find his stance to be one of complete privilege. It was stupid for Tony to have said anything really. But, he was still caught under Steve’s piercing gaze and he couldn't move. Which was the clear sign to start rambling apparently.

 

“I mean, of course, you can call me out on that bullshit. I know, what does Tony Stark of all people have to complain about-”

 

“No,” Steve cut in speaking for what seemed like the first time in a while, “pain is pain, Stark. Even for those at the top. And if anything, I get what you’re saying. My dad was a fuckup too.”

 

Tony’s eyes widened in surprise, even as a slight smirk overcame his face, “What language you use dear Captain, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”

 

But, Steve didn’t let him get away with the obvious retreat. 

The soldier knew he was toeing the line into unknown territory but felt he had to say more before he let the genius run and hide behind his gilded words. A lot had changed between them today, and the last thing Steve wanted to do was ruin any progress. But, if progress was going to continue, things had to change.

 

“He was a drunk,” Steve continued, nervous to be talking about something only Bucky had been privy to. Tony’s plastered on smile dropped as he realized where the direction was headed. But instead of snapping, as Steve had feared, Tony waited patiently for Steve to continue. A sense of mutual respect passed between the two.

 

“He was never around even when he still lived at home. He’d be gone all day and most of the night. Come home barely able to walk straight, even though he would tell my Ma that he was at work. Whether he actually had a job or not, I don’t know. If he did he spent his paychecks on liquor. One day he didn’t come home. We never saw him again after that. Still don’t know if the bastard’s dead or alive. But I know that his disappearance killed my mother. She deserved to be with someone worth ten of him. So even though I barely knew him, even though he never came home and hurt me, I can never forgive him for what he did.”

 

Steve didn’t realize how angry telling that story made him until he noticed that his shoulders were hiked up to his ears and he was straining every muscle in his body in order to prevent himself from punching something. But, he decided that it felt good, almost. Well maybe not good, but freeing. Somehow that was more powerful.

His gaze moved to find Tony’s own and was shocked to the man had Steve pinned with his large eyes, as if to work up the courage to tell his own story. A story that had piqued Steve’s interest as soon as Tony mentioned there was a story to tell. 

 

Tony took a noticeable shaky breath as his skin turned pale, even with the light of the fire darkening his complexion. It left an uneasy feeling to stir in Steve’s gut.

 

“He did,” was all Tony managed to choke out before he paused to collect himself, and Steve was grateful for it. It gave him time to control himself because he was no genius but Steve Rogers was not dumb. If he took Tony’s meaning correctly, the stone in his gut said that he was, it was a good thing Howard Stark was already dead.

 

“He did what, Tony?” Steve prompted gently. Tony’s face contorted painfully as he re-lived memories he had repressed for so long.

 

Tony’s head snapped up to meet Steve’s once more, like he hadn't realized he lowered it, fear radiating off him in electric waves. Steve felt a jolt run through him, demanding he go over and comfort the man. But, he was trapped where he sat, unsure if the touch would be welcome. 

Before the soldier could make a decision, Tony regained control over himself just as quickly as he lost it. 

 

“He was a drunk, same as yours. Seems like a common theme. He was shit to my mother who deserved better than him, the only difference being he…”

 

“He hurt you,” Steve finished for the man, knowing that might be the last straw to get Tony to bite at him like a caged animal. But, the anger drained out of Tony at the words and he slumped as much as his hurt arm allowed him to against the tree. Steve could only boil in his own anger. How could a father ever hurt a son? How could a parent ever hurt a child? How could Howard even think about laying hands on Tony.

 

Steve’s anger blindsighted him, but all he could do was ride it out until he could rope it back under control again.

 

“I shouldn't have told you that,” Tony mumbled, biting his lip anxiously, hand grabbing at his pant leg tightly before letting go with a shudder.

 

“Why not,” Steve dared to ask, knowing that he didn’t regret that man telling him about his past. 

He truly had misunderstood the man across from him. Maybe they didn’t always see eye to eye, but Tony definitely hadn’t deserved the judgement Steve had placed on him. 

 

“Because for all I know you’ll use that information against me to get whatever you want, it happens all the time. I’ve been stupid, so fucking stupid,” Tony muttered, more to himself then anything, head turned away from Steve so the the line of his neck protruded from under his skin. 

 

“You don’t actually believe that,” Steve said with enough confidence that Tony faced him again, a calculating glint in his eye. There he is, a voice in Steve’s head whispered, relieved. 

 

“I don’t, do I?” Tony snipped back, but Steve was starting to see through the facade as he always felt Tony could look through his. All of a sudden Tony Stark was becoming less and less of a mystery. Though, maybe that wasn’t the case. He was a whole new mystery Steve hadn’t been remotely prepared for, but couldn’t deny he was intrigued by.

 

“No you don’t, want to know how I can tell?” Steve asked the hint of a smile on his face, his Brooklyn accent breaking through his words as he sensed he was finally about to beat Stark in a battle of wits.

 

“Prove me wrong, soldier. I’d love to see you try.”

 

Now Steve really smirked.

 

“Because if you were really worried that I would use that information against you, you wouldn't have mentioned your fear in the first place. As you’ve shown me time and again, you’re smarter than that.”

 

Oh.

 

And wasn’t that just beautiful.

 

Tony’s eyes went wide as a deep blush ran its course from the man’s cheeks all the way down his neck where Steve was sure it would splay across his chest. In his mind's eye that's what it looked like at least. The genius’s lips parted oh so delicately that Steve wanted to run the pad of his finger over them before capturing them in a kiss. A dangerous thought to have, one he would venture into later when alone.

Steve longed to grab a pencil and paper to sketch how the man looked as he realized he had lost. Tony was found out, and there was nothing he could do about it.

 

“Wait...no. That’s not what I- I mean I only-” Tony blubbered as he tried to gain control over the situation again but Steve wouldn't let him. The Captain stood from his seat stretching backwards as to undo the knots in his muscles before making his way to the tree line.

 

“It’s ok, Tony, I won’t tell anyone you're secret. That you might actually trust someone. Get some sleep it's late. I’m going to do a quick scout of the perimeter, but I should be back soon enough to put out the fire. See you in the morning, Stark.”

 

Picking a toothpick out of his pocket, from a pack that Bucky had lent him a while back, he stuck it between his lips and winked at the stunned genius. Then, with one last glance at the flustered man he sauntered off with a victorious spring to his walk.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always cool  
> Thanks for reading


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always this was edited very quickly so it might not be mire flawed then other chapters this is also the last chapter that is fully written before posting so updated may not come every friday anymore but i am not abandoning the story at all it holds a special place in my heart and i have a detailed outline for every chapter to come which makes writing it easier so enjoy thanks for reading

Steve’s hands itched to reach out and pull Tony’s body flush against his. The tips of his fingers tingled with the urge to wrap the man up in his arms and keep him off his feet completely. If he tried hard enough, Steve could practically feel the man’s weight pulling on his muscles as he carried him across the twisted land they now walked on-

 

“Don’t you dare, Rogers,” Tony scowled as his bad ankle caught on a gnarled tree root. He immediately winced from the jarring movement. Not for the first time that day Steve wanted to say to hell with it and carry the man against his wishes anyway. Tony was injured, goddamnit, and he was being a stubborn ass about accepting help for it.

 

“I wasn’t going to do anything,” Steve muttered before kicking more brush out of Tony’s way so he didn’t trip again. It was a total lie and Tony knew it as he glared daggers at Steve for clearing the path for him.

Because how dare Steve be a decent human being who felt actual compassion for a man who almost died the day before!

No, Steve wasn't vexed about the situation at all, what could possibly give anyone that idea.

The niceties from the night before were practically all but nonexistent as the two keep snapping at each other like a scorned couple in the midst of a showdown.

 

After their conversation over dinner Steve had made sure Tony fell asleep to the crackling of the fire while he stayed up all night to keep watch. Steve wouldn’t have been able to sleep even if he tried. 

His mind had been anything but silent considering the new information he’d learned about Tony.

 

All the different angles to Tony that Steve had never seen before made their first, but hopefully not last appearance. The problem; Steve had agonized over trying to fit these new pieces of the man’s personality into the outline he’d already constructed of Tony in his head, but it was no use. The only way Steve could accept this new side of Tony was if he changed the outline. The only way Steve could see Tony as human was if he admitted he was wrong.

Not for the first time he wished Bucky were here, even if only to give him a condescending smile as he gloated about how he was right. How he had told Steve Tony wasn’t all he appeared to be, how Steve had ignored his insisting.

The Captain glanced up to the sky, the sun seeming to glow with mirth as it belittled Steve.

 

“Even all the way up there you have to prove me wrong Buck, really? Is that really fair?” 

Steve didn’t want to admit that he was slowly coming to terms with his friends death. He didn’t want to admit that the hurt wasn't as fresh every time he thought of the man as it had been before. He didn’t want to admit that it had something to do with the man next to him who was becoming more and more of a friend to Steve as each day went by.

A blush heated the man’s cheeks, but it was hidden by the light sunburn that was starting to turn into a pinkish tan as the days wore on. 

 

At some point during the night before Steve had dozed off as dark turned to dawn, and he woke up to his bladder insisting he get up.

After he had taken care of his own needs, Steve had gone to wake up Tony. He hoped that their relationship would have improved due to the day prior.

 

How wrong he had been.

 

Really, he shouldn't have expected anything different. Tony had not only been shot, but his ankle was still strained from the explosion what felt like a lifetime ago. The man had every right to be resistant to his situation. What Steve wasn’t expecting was how stubborn Tony was about accepting help.

Whether that was standing up, walking, packing up his things, going to the bathroom...ok Steve could see how that one could take it out of a man’s pride but he had done it for other soldiers before. Why did Tony have to refuse every considerate gesture he tried to make?

 

A spot of worry had wormed its way into Steve’s brain, the spot growing larger and insistent the more Tony hurt himself. 

 

Steve was stationed behind Tony in case the man fell, but also to guard his back for attackers. He tried to keep his ulterior motive under wraps so as not to worry Tony but it didn’t stop him from feeling its effects. 

Steve hated that Tony was stuck in the middle of a war he never asked to be in.

Steve allowed his eyes to wander over the man. He should be at his home, waking up to the sun streaming through the windows with a dame on his arm-

 

Steve had to stop that train of thought quickly. Already that ugly green emotion was churning in his stomach before he intentionally moved his thoughts elsewhere.

 

It wasn’t hard. Tony tripped again. 

 

Steve rushed forward, arms outstretched with the engrained need to catch, but Tony simply kept walking like it was nothing. Steve grit his teeth but kept silent.

 

They kept walking.

 

Now Steve couldn't help but glare at the back of the other man’s head. Once again frustrated that Tony couldn't just swallow his pride and let Steve help, goddammit!

 

Steve’s gaze strayed from the matted hair that still seemed to look good on Tony’s head, to his shoulder that was injured, to the lean muscles of his back until the gaze stopped on his…

 

Stopped low enough. Shit. 

But, Steve didn't have time to process that bundle of repressed emotions before Tony was speaking up from the front. Steve was thankful for it because he didn’t know how long they could have kept going without the front of his pants beginning to tent.

 

“Jesus, Rogers,” Tony snarled, “I can practically hear you thinking from over here. Just say something already.”

 

Steve’s jaw clenched due to Tony’s impatience, but what would have caused an excessive argument not even a week ago, barely warranted Steve to roll his eyes anymore. He was starting to realize that when Tony got snappy with him it was probably for a reason. Sometimes it was because Steve had upset him, and he was trying to hide the fact that he was hurt by blindsiding Steve with his rudeness. Other times it was simply Tony being playful, Steve found he only caught a few glimpses of that side of the man in their earlier conversations but it was becoming more prevalent. Finally, there was the side of his snark that came up when he was nervous about something, whether it was a good nervousness or a bad nervousness depended.

 

The soldier decided what Tony felt now might be a mix of two of them.

He was anxious about something, Steve could tell, but with the right push the man’s unsettled nerves could be turned into playful snark easily. Steve smirked; the start of his own personal challenge arising.

If they were going to continue on with only each other until the next base he was going to get Tony to let down his walls.

 

It wouldn't be easy, but Steve never shied away from a challenge before. He certainly wasn't going to start now.

 

“You want to know what I was thinking,” Steve asked putting in an extra burst of speed so he was next to Tony. The genius side eyed the man, confused on his cheerful disposition when Tony knew he had been hard to handle all day. 

 

He hadn't purposefully meant to cause Steve trouble, really. After the night before Tony was certain they were on the way to real friendship if they weren't there already. But, when he woke up this morning and the blond wouldn’t stop hovering, Tony snapped back. He had boundaries, and he wasn't ashamed to make it known. 

 

He had been taught at a young age to never allow himself to be weak in front of anyone. Never show fear or pain to anyone because in the end no one actually cared about you. Help was only given for personal gain. It was akin to a business transaction. 

 

Guess who taught him that one. 

 

Rest in peace Howard, or whatever.

 

 It had taken Tony years to retrain himself, but being surrounded by Steve’s claustrophobic, unrelenting need to lend a hand had driven him back to his old ways. The idea of Steve seeing him so vulnerable made his stomach turn. He didn't want the man to see him as a charity case. If Steve still wanted to be his friend after all this, then Tony knew he was there to stay. But, until then they both would have to deal with a rotten ankle and throbbing shoulder.

 

Besides, Steve had tried to help him pee earlier. Absolutely not.

 

Tony had boundaries. But he found that the hardest part of this was that if he let himself, he knew he would be perfectly capable of letting all of his walls down if Steve Rogers asked him too.

That was a terrifying power for someone to have over another person. Tony swallowed thickly.

 

“Sure, Rogers, what are you thinking in your big, beautiful, blond brain up there,” Tony snarked at the man who merely smiled. That unnerved him. Since when was Tony’s sass and open advances not make the other man scowl? And how was it fair that such an easy smile pulled at the lips of an already gorgeous man’s face. Not fair indeed.

 

It also wasn't fair that whatever game they were playing at, Steve was dangerously close to the finish line.

 

“I’m thinking,” the towering man said as he lay a protective arm on Tony’s lower back that the man couldn't bother pushing away, “that no matter how delectable you look with the rugged outfit you’re pulling off, I’d really rather not see such a fine ass hit the dirt one more time.”

 

Tony stopped. Jaw dropped, eyes wide...maybe a little aroused. Who wouldn't be. Steve Rogers had shed his good boy persona to hit on Tony Stark. Sure in the back of his brain he knew the man had done it only to catch him off guard and force him to accept some help for his injuries. But, good ole Captain Goody Two Shoes had just commented on his ‘fine ass’ and called him ‘delectable’ he’d like to find anyone whose mind wouldn't go blank. 

Not that the Captain was done. Oh no, this was far from over.

 

Steve’s hand traveled further up Tony’s back before he maneuvered his body in front of the genius. Questioning, but interested, brown eyes challenged blue to continue. 

 

But, for all that Tony was curious about what Steve was going to do, the soldier wasn't going to push this too far. He wanted to leave the billionaire hanging, wanting, begging for more. For anything Steve deigned him willing to receive.

Nonetheless, Steve had no problem playing into this fantasy a little more. For it was just that, pretend. No matter how Steve’s own feelings for the man were developing past hatred, he knew that Tony had every right to be wary of him still.

 

“What?” Steve asked rhetorically, breath tickling Tony’s ear as the soldier’s arms encircled the other man’s torso, “Didn’t think I could swear did you? Newsflash for you, doll, I’m a Captain in the army. I know how to fucking swear to the point that your dame will faint.”

 

“Don’t have a dame.”

 

“Good.”

 

Tony was lost in the man’s words, and was trying so hard to not let Steve see how open he was to hear more of them. Steve could swear, and Tony never knew the words could sound so good rolling off the tongue with a Brooklyn accent added to the mix. Tony’s knees were weak.

And that was the whole point now wasn't it.

Because all this time, this had just been a ploy for Roger’s to quite literally sweep him off his feet.

With an ease that Tony wouldn't soon forget the arms around his body tightened as they flipped him sideways. The genius let out a shriek of indignation as he found himself pressed up against a hard chest with two arms supporting him bridal style.

It was easy to mask his sudden interest with anger, and Tony planned to take full advantage of the emotion.

 

“Why you little bastard!” Tony shrieked trying to struggle out of the man’s grip who had started walking again, like carrying Tony was nothing, “Put me down you giant or I’ll-”

 

“What will you do, darling?” Steve asked with a chuckle.

 

That’s when Tony noticed Steve, hard ass Captain Rogers, was laughing at him. Somehow this was better then the seductive words he had been whispering in Tony’s ears not moments prior as a warm feeling spread all the way to the ends of Tony’s fingertips. And just like that the genius forgot all about his own problem with the situation. He was being coddled in Steve Roger’s arms with the man in question laughing above him. Tony’s heart flipped. Worse things had happened. 

Tony let himself relax for a moment as he too, let out a few chuckles that mingled with Steve’s in a harmonizing melody. Tony could get used to this, maybe he shouldn’t, but he definitely could.

It was right as their joined laughter was dying down that Tony pushed himself higher in Steve’s arms to whisper in his ear.

 

A smile still on his face, a happiness still warming him from the inside out, he said, “If you don’t put me down I’ll castrate you in your sleep.”

 

“You don’t know how.”

 

“It’s a self explanatory concept.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Tony couldn’t help it. He was born to see the worst in a situation, to see the fallouts.

 

He didn’t expect the easiness from the first couple days alone with Rogers to last. Not really. Maybe they would stay on better footing, but the good natured banter between them couldn’t last. 

 

And he was right.

 

As each day came and went, they argued, they fought, they disagreed, whatever the word was they did it. Tony could even consider their arguing as flirting. Though if he let himself see it as that he would fall to a place he could never climb back from, and this time Steve wouldn't be there to catch him. Tony tried not to think about that. 

 

Sometimes their arguments were over petty things like deciding where to rest for the night. 

 

Sometimes their spitting words were due to the memories and guilt they felt over their dead family and friends.

 

Other times they laughed so hard their sides hurt, or screamed at each other so viciously they strained their voices. It varied from day to day, but there was one constant that always stayed the same.

 

Tony didn’t hate Steve anymore.

 

The man would yell at him until his face was blue, or Tony would become so angry he’d have to walk away from camp only for Steve to follow a minute later to protect him. That was really infuriating.

Everytime their good times dipped, Tony expected the feeling to come back. The feeling that would turn his beating heart back to stone, the feeling that was born from the purest form of hatred you could imagine. He waited, almost afraid, for the feeling to return. He didn’t want it to.

 

What was scarier was that it didn’t.

 

The same lack of hatred surprised him day after day. All of sudden, Tony didn’t hate Steve like he used to. He wondered if he ever really had to begin with.

He also knew that this fear of his new feelings for the other man was what was causing most of their fights.

Tony would find himself getting too comfortable with the blond. He’d be laughing merrily and even allowing himself to lean into the safety and warmth of the other man before forcing himself to pull away in fear of making things awkward. But, everytime he pulled away he ended up saying something to hurt the man instead, starting a fight every time.

Tony didn’t mean to. Honest. But, he was scared. Scared that he was finally falling for someone who he knew he could never have. If arguments were the only way to make sure his secret was never found out, he’d deal. Even though every time he got angry the moment of pure, sorrowful confusion that took over Steve’s face was started to tear him apart inside.

Soon enough this would be over. This dream escape to another world would end for the both of them and they’d have to go back to distant hatred once they reached the base.

 

He would allow himself this small comfort with Steve before it was torn away from him.

Then when all was said and done he’d forget about the blond soldier who may have stolen his heart.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always cool  
> Read the beginning notes for answers about updated leave a comment with any questions and ill make sure to answer them thanks for reading


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isnt the most edited chapter and i plan on going through a bunch of the later chapters and editing them more soon just bare with me

Water tripped over the stones at the bottom of the river, the sound created a pleasant buzz that sunk into Tony’s bones.

The waterway was why Steve and Tony had stopped so early in the day. 

Normally the duo would wait until the sun had dipped low between the earth’s peaks and valleys before stopping to eat and set up camp for the night. Because they were being followed, Steve had drilled the notion that it was necessary to travel as quickly and as far as they could in the time they had.

 

Today was an exception. 

 

The sun was still high enough in the clouds for the beginnings of a pink and purple sunset to permeate the light blue, and animals were still out scurrying around instead of hiding in their nests.

Tony and Steve had made the collective decision to rest here due to the splashing of the river.

They had been keeping close to a small stream running parallel to their course for the entire trip; they hadn't realized it would turn so quickly into a river until they heard its roar.

Though it was possible their assailants could also have been following the stream, it was unlikely they were close by. Steve had assured Tony their pursuers wouldn’t waste the opportunity to jump them, the revenge that fueled them onward would demand it be so. 

The crash of the water as it collided against itself would mask Steve and Tony from any unwanted company for the night which would give them some peace of mind. If the aches and pains that still blossomed throughout Tony’s body was also part of the reason he pushed that they stop he made sure Steve didn’t know.

 

The soldier had only just allowed Tony to set up his own sleeping bag the day prior. The genius wasn't willing to lose his few freedoms so quickly. Most definitely not because of a little pain. He was sure Steve was accustomed to agony ten times what Tony was experiencing, and wouldn't appreciate the brunette’s complaining.

 

Yet, not even the pain was the true reason Tony was so inclined to stop. Nope, the reason Tony pushed so hard for a break had solely to do with bathing.

 

The word sent an anticipatory shiver down Tony’s back.

 

Besides a heavy rain that had passed over them a few days prior, Tony hadn't properly cleaned himself since they left camp what seemed like a lifetime ago. He was fully aware he was starting to smell, and it was becoming harder and harder to ignore as the days drew by. 

Tony, for all he was accustomed to luxury, had tried to not let his privileged lifestyle affect how he acted. Especially when Steve was in earshot, which was all the time. Tony didn’t need the soldier thinking he was more of a pompous brat then he already did. Steve had probably been forced to go months without proper water pressure or soap to scrub away the grime that layered itself on his skin. It was wrong of Tony to dwell on himself when Steve was experiencing the same tribulations he was. But, Tony Stark had his limits, and wondering if it was residue from the shirt he was wearing or mold under his arms was where he drew the line.

 

Tony was currently leaning, inconspicuously, against a tree. Its starchy bark scratched against his back and dug into his reddened skin. His shirt wasn’t thick enough to prevent splinters from poking through the weaving. But, truly, Tony was too preoccupied to notice the sharp stings of wood. 

 

No, the genius’s attention was focused solely on his partner as Steve ran around the parameters of their camp gathering burnable logs for an evening fire. 

Steve was stripped down to only his pants, even with the sun starting to set and the air beginning to chill. With how they had been walking all day they were both boiling in their clothes.

 

If Tony was going to take advantage of Steve’s willing nakedness, well no one was around to tell him off for it. 

 

The lines and divots of Steve’s muscled back tensed as he gathered another branch to add to the pile in his already full arms. Tony knew if their positions were switched he would have had to drop the stack off at their makeshift fire pit before searching for more. The weight having eventually overpowered him. But, it was like Steve wasn’t aware he was carrying anything heavier than a handful of twigs. 

The soldier’s only tell that he had to exude effort was when he turned around and his cheeks were red from exertion and his hair was matted with sweat. 

 

Tony had to bite his lip. The sight in front of him was far too similar to one of Tony’s dangerous dreams. It wasn’t a strenuous conclusion to jump to. Steve ticked off all of Tony’s boxes, and checked off preferences Tony didn’t even know he had up until now.

Of course the guy that Tony was falling for had to be self sacrificing, and caring, and fast enough to keep up with Tony’s dry wit. But, did he have to be gorgeous, too? That didn’t seem fair. Tony would often find himself getting lost in his partner even when Steve was doing the simplest of things like washing his hands in the stream. 

 

The other day Tony sat in the shadows analyzing the man before him as he splashed water onto his hair and face. The droplets ran rivulets into his eyes, soaking his eyelashes before continuing there descent to brush over the arch of his top lip.

It was never long before Steve caught him staring, but instead of freaking out at the concept of being watched, he’d smile. Steve would be happy to see Tony and immediately strike up a conversation with a stroke of his talented tongue.

 

That’s what truly made Tony’s knees weak. The memorable conversations Steve would begin. Whether they were light and flirty, or took on a more serious tone, Tony began to look forward to the talks they would share. The words that flowed back and forth between them that were enrapturing the genius’s fragile heart.

Tony was becoming reliant on the golden man always at his side. But, letting his infatuation stray from the physical attributes felt much too like Tony was beginning to care for Steve in a way he could never recover from. He wouldn't let himself pine over one man for the rest of his life, which was why it was easier to chalk up his feelings to those of a dangerous dream.

 

The question of how long he’d be able to keep up the act haunted him at night when he was stuck staring at the stars, longing for Steve’s arms around him and his breath tickling Tony’s skin as they drifted off to sleep.  

 

The genius scowled, annoyed that he had gotten lost in thought again.

 

Tony vowed to make a formal complaint to whoever was up there fucking around with his emotions. It was probably Howard, the man was finally getting revenge on his heir. Apparently, he didn’t feel like he had achieved the goal well enough during the span of his life so he was sticking around from the beyond to finish off the promise. Knowing his father, the possibility wasn’t off the table.

 

Tony dug his unruly nails into his palm hard enough to keep the dark thoughts of his father, always in the back of his mind, at bay. That wasn’t what Tony was focusing on right now. 

 

As much as Tony appreciated the show Steve was putting on, unknowingly, for him; it wasn’t why Tony was spying on the man. 

 

The genius could already hear Steve’s disapproving mantra an hour from now when he found Tony naked and wet. The soldier would grab him from the river, wrapping him up in cloth like a child, and scold Tony for bathing when the water was full of bacteria that could infect Tony’s shoulder wound. He’d say that the depth of the river was unpredictable; Tony could have been pulled down in the undertow where he'd be lost to Steve forever. Steve would curse at the genius for his foolishness, yet his worry would fill Tony with the same feeling you get when in a warmed log cabin in the middle of a snowstorm. It would remind Tony that at least some part of Steve cared. 

 

The amount of reasons Steve would come up with as to why Tony shouldn't have been in the water would astound him. What Steve wouldn’t realize is that Tony had already thought through every possibility that could go wrong. The pros had still far outweighed the cons. 

Steve could be angry with him about this later, after it had already happened. Right now Tony just had to make sure Steve was distracted enough that he could slip off without him noticing.

With one final indulgent glance at Steve’s half naked body, Tony backed away from his non-hiding spot and slunk off to the river that called to him.

 

A delightful chill settled behind Tony’s rib cage, the excitement of wandering off on his own gave him an indulgent thrill. He felt like he was young again, and he was sneaking to the kitchen for a midnight snack because his father had sent him to bed without dinner. Except this was better than that because Tony almost wanted Steve to catch him, for reasons he was flirting recklessly with.

Tony smirked, though dryly. 

 

He slinked past the final line of brush and found himself at the river’s edge. The current was faster then it would have been a mile up due to a small waterfall half a mile away that sucked the waves to its precipitous edge, Steve had explained to him. But, Tony wasn’t worried, the river wasn’t too deep. The current probably went up to the middle of his torso which gave him more stability then he had expected. 

 

The genius crept away from the line of greenery he had trekked through, starting to undress as he crept closer to the water. The soft fabric of his shirt tickled his skin as he pulled it off and let it find its peace on the ground. Without the layer to protect him, his nipples hardened as wind curled around him, curious and bold as it familiarized itself with his body. Tony didn’t waste time after that. He found the buckle of his belt and let it clash against the muddy bank at his feet. 

 

He was eager to take off his pants, but a voice stopped him.

 

One that sent equal parts thrill and shame rushing through him the same way the river split the earth it carved itself into.

 

“What are you doing?” Steve asked. Tony could hear in his voice that he was trying hard to keep himself calm, to not let this escalate to a fight. The blond’s eyes were probably narrowed, the points of his lids stretched to a fine tip. His arms would be crossed over his broad chest, no doubt tense with anger causing his veins to bulge unknowingly, and if Tony was lucky Steve would still be shirtless.

 

Even if he wasn’t, this was going to be so much fun.

 

Keeping his hands on the waistband of the pants, now slung low on his hips, Tony looked back at Steve. A breeze blew by. Tony was pleased to find the soldier’s stature exactly as he had predicted it to be. This was a dangerous fire to flame, but Tony was old friends with this forbidden heat. 

 

“What does it look like I’m doing, Cap?” Tony asked, not bothering with subtlety as he stuck his tongue out and ran it along his bottom lip. It said a lot that Steve only rolled his eyes at the brunette. Only a few weeks ago he would have lost his cool completely. A lot could change when your life was in danger.

 

The soldier lumbered over to Tony, his lazy steps causing anticipation to curl in Tony’s toes until finally the man stopped dangerously close to him. There was that word again, dangerous. It was a word Tony had only just started to associate with the man in front of him.

 

“It looks like,” Steve said, rooting Tony to the mudbank as the soldier trailed two fingers gently over his bad shoulder, “you’re trying to get an infection by swimming in fish pee.”

 

Tony choked on a laugh, Steve’s blossoming sense of humor was one of Tony’s newfound favorite things. The freeing expression on the genius’s face made Steve reciprocate, smiling all too fondly at Tony. If only Tony was paying attention for those adoring looks. As it was, he wasn’t. 

 

Shame.

 

The genius bit his lip to keep a smile from completely overtaking his face, his gaze wandered from Steve’s eyes down to his neck until they landed unabashedly on the man’s dogs tags that glinted in the setting sun.

Tony wanted to reach out and feel the soft skin clash with the hardened metal but was afraid if he took their game too far Steve would retreat to a place Tony couldn’t follow. Satisfying Tony’s craving to be engulfed by the man in front of him didn’t weigh out against the fear of Tony loosing the man forever. His hand stayed where it was. 

 

“No see, you’ve got it all wrong,” Tony said, almost sounding innocent enough to fool a lesser man, “I wanted to put on a show for you, but had to practice before I could try it on the real thing.”

Tony didn’t miss the way Steve’s pupils dilated as the soldier’s gaze was drawn down by Tony’s teasing fingers hooked through empty belt loops. The genius lowered his pants just that much further, and jutted his hip bones out knowing exactly the picture he made. Steve swallowed thickly, but Tony hadn’t won yet, he knew that.

 

“I think practice is over,” Steve said still trying to keep his voice steady, “how about you come back to camp with me and demonstrate exactly what you’ve been out here working on, doll.”

Steve’s hand trailed further down Tony’s arm leaving goosebumps in his wake and eventually he interlocked their fingers. Slowly, as if not to spook a wild animal, Steve started moving backwards. He gently pulled Tony along after him.

 

And hell, Tony wanted to follow. Damn bathing, damn the shitshow it would be afterward, damn his heart that would break when Steve inevitably left him because of it. Tony wanted to follow. He wanted to taste Steve on his tongue and feel their bodies move together. Because right now this wasn’t a game, though neither of them were acknowledging that change. They were both content to hide their wolf in sheep's skin for the moment, but this was the line they had been toeing since their first day out together. The line they would cross if Tony allowed Steve to pull him back to camp, back to the heady hypnosis of his arms.

 

Tony almost gave in. 

 

But, then he wouldn’t have this story if he did.

 

The genius backed away, his hand dropping from Steve’s whose expression fell at the rejection. But it wasn’t a rejection, it wasn’t, and Tony never wanted Steve to think that it was.

With a deep breath, Tony bared himself fully to Steve. His last article of clothing slipped off the curves of his body. This was what Tony wanted Steve to see, the entirety of him in all he was. In all his shortcomings and scars, this was what he was, and as Steve took Tony’s body in; a warm bud settled in the genius’s stomach.

 

It felt like for the first time, maybe ever, someone actually saw him for who he was and was staying anyway.

 

“Join me,” Tony said a hopeful laugh in the notes of his voice.

 

Steve still stood shell shocked at what was happening and Tony waited for him to do something. He waited as Steve warred with himself, his overprotective instincts going to battle with the need he felt to do what he wanted. Tony didn’t worry as the time ticked away, he knew Steve would come to a decision.

 

Steve took a step closer to Tony, finally. He was honored beyond words that Tony would hand himself over like this, with such a naked vulnerability that Steve wanted to hold in his arms to heal.

Blue eyes met brown, and Steve unbuckled his belt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you so much for reading comments and kudos are always welcome


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I BARELY EDITED THIS SO IT MIGHT SUCK SORRY I PLAN TO RE-EDIT IT SOON I PROMISE
> 
> I re-edited it and ngl its my fav ch so far

 

Steve was a fool and he knew it.

 

He was a damn fool and there was not a thing he could do about it.

 

He was a self damning fool because he let himself fall for Tony Stark.

 

The water rose up the brunette’s back, engulfing his skin in the refreshing stream, and Tony’s fingers trailed behind him leaving ringing currents in their wake. Shadows blanketed Tony’s body as he made his way further into the river, the trees overhanging branches protecting him from any perverted onlookers. 

 

Like Steve. 

 

It was all the soldier could do not to bark out a panicked laugh.

What was he doing? He thought he’d won. He’d had Tony, warm and soft and most importantly safe in his arms. Steve had successfully taken the genius from the river’s unforgiving grasp. He had gained Tony’s full undivided attention, which was becoming his drug, in his mission to stop an accident before it happened. With every smile Tony beamed his way it felt like the sun was leaving kisses on his skin. Every time Tony diverted to Steve to lead them onward pride surged through him. A brush of Tony’s fingers against his skin left him dizzy all day. But Tony wasn’t impervious to Steve’s charms either.

 

Steve could drop his voice and Tony’s ears would perk. Steve could snark at Tony and loop the man into a battle of wits the genius only won three quarters of the time. Steve could reach his hand out and Tony would take it. Tony had taken it, and yet Steve had still crumbled to the man’s will.

Steve had held the power, he had felt it tingle down his spine. Tony would have been safe.

 

Steve had the control in the palm of his hand.

 

But, it was all a lie.

 

Not once in his time knowing Tony Stark had he ever been in control of anything. As soon as Steve found himself on stable footing, Tony would surprise him and he’d be forced to the ground again flat on his ass. 

It was a recurring inevitability. 

 

As soon as Steve had finally thought that he had coerced Tony into following him back to camp, Tony had all but laughed in his face. As soon as Steve thought he had any power in a situation concerning the two of them, Tony reminded him who was in charge. It had always been, and would forever be, Tony. 

The man could snap his fingers and Steve would be on his knees, glad to do anything he wanted. Steve could be convinced he would never jump off a cliff and then Tony would smile at him and he’d free fall. Tony had so much weight over him it was terrifying. It scared Steve every day he fell deeper and harder for the man. Steve’s darkest thoughts reminded him that one of these bays Tony would ask him to go too far and he’d do it, and it would ruin him.

He didn’t care. He knew this thing between them bordered on insane most of the time, but he didn’t care. 

The only reason Steve was still left standing was because of Tony Stark. 

 

With a whisper of an intoxicating word, Steve was his completely.

 

It was why he was beginning to find himself in situations like this more and more often.

 

Steve was naked in the woods and a slave to the nonsensical, carefree whims of the powerful man in front of him. 

 

He smiled.

 

He couldn’t remember a time he had been happier.

 

Tony turned to face Steve when he realized the blond still hadn't moved from his spot on the shore. Tony’s chest was speckled with beads of water now, and his shoulders were hiked up to his shoulders as his body continued to grow accustomed to the chill of the river. But his eyes sparkled with a child like joy at this new adventure.

 

Something inside Steve broke as he realized, not long ago, he had thought this man a monster. He had never been so wrong. Steve would risk anything to keep that happiness on his face.

 

“Although you look great like that,” Tony called, he gave Steve’s naked body a once over Steve would have blushed at if the army hadn’t trained that embarrassment out of him, “I did mention that I wanted you to join me, right?”

 

He did. Steve recalled Tony’s promiscuous plea as the moment he succumbed to Tony’s ridiculous fancy. Because this was ridiculous, logically he knew that. This was ridiculous and stupid, so damn stupid. 

As soon as Steve, who had been gathering wood at the time, had caught sight of Tony’s disappearing silhouette head to the river he knew what the genius wanted. And it had scared the shit out of him. 

Steve could easily recall memories of wounded men who had only had access to river water. It was a pricey gamble that hadn’t ended in their favor. Nurses had been forced to use dirty water to clean out wounds that later got so infected the men ended up dying anyway. He couldn’t let that be Tony. He had made a promise to Rhodey, to Bucky, and now to himself to keep Tony out of harm's way. Envisioning Tony feverish and in pain due to this foolish escapade had Steve’s heart in his throat and it was almost enough to snap Steve out of Tony’s spell. But, the siren in the ocean beckoned him to swim and Steve was a helpless sailor.

 

“Is the big, bad soldier afraid of a little water?” Tony mocked, scooping water up in the cup of his hands to splash on his arms and shoulders, minding his scarring wound for Steve’s sake.

 

The soldier cocked an eyebrow, and made his way to the edge of the river so the water ran over his toes when the waves were brave enough. Even the little point of contact shocked Steve’s system, the water pushing the edge of too cold. But, Steve didn’t mind all that much, not when he had the object of his affections waiting for him in the thick of it.

 

“Do you really think insulting me, in such a childish manner might I add, is the way to get me to move faster?” Steve asked, arms flailing as he pushed himself further into the current to avoid a patch of rocks that insisted on digging into his calloused feet.

 

“Whether or not the insult was juvenile is besides the point, what matters is whether or not it’s working. Clearly it is,” Tony said as he dipped his head back into the water to wet his hair. 

Steve huffed and rolled his eyes, leave it to Tony to spin any conversation to his advantage. 

To prove a point Steve stopped where he was, water just managing to reach his mid thighs.

 

“What if I decided to turn around right now, leave you out here all alone and go back to camp where I’d start a fire and be warm,” Steve said in jest, letting the rise of the waves tease the tips of his fingers before it dipped back down.

Tony lazily lifted his head back up, streams of water ran hazardously down his face and the man spit out what tried to enter his mouth. Tony brought his hands up to slick back his hair before starring Steve down, daring him.

 

“Well, that sounds terrifically boring,” Tony said, “very you, I must say, but you won’t do it.”

 

“Why wouldn’t I,” Steve challenged anticipating whatever extravagant reason Tony was about to come up with, “at the very least I wouldn’t have to put up with you.”

 

It was said lightheartedly, and was nothing out of the ordinary for the two of them. Even as friends they fired insults of the same manner back and forth at each other constantly. Steve wouldn’t have even realized he had gone too far if he hadn’t spent an embarrassingly long amount of time recently learning how to read Tony Stark.

As it was he had been doing just that, and something wasn’t right. 

 

Tony’s playful indifference flickered before going out, a hollow uncertainty in his eyes. He took a step away from Steve as if they were near one another. However, they were still on opposite sides of the river. Steve felt his heart sink. With how lively and personable Tony Stark could be it was easy for the soldier to forget his past. Tony had been taught his whole life that people were anything but genuine and seeked out only what would benefit them, damning anyone who got stuck in the crossfire. Tony had been caught in the crossfire one too many times.

 

“Please don’t.” Tony said softly, leaving Steve’s heart to shatter to pieces with how beat down he appeared, “Stay.”

 

It was a request as damning as if Tony had told him to jump off that metaphorical cliff. The metaphor was slipping into something much more tangible, and Steve wasn’t hesitating before the jump.

The soldier didn’t answer, he just kept moving forward. Steve maintained eye contact with Tony through it all, the pull between them impossible to stray away from. Not that he wanted to.

He pinpointed the exact moment Tony’s fear of rejection melted away as he realized Steve was doing exactly what Tony had asked of him. He was staying.

Steve ignored how the depths of the water twisted and twirled around his legs, and then further up his torso. Their deadly seduction nothing in compare to Tony’s.

The genius stayed where he was as Steve grew closer and closer, head tilting upwards when they were finally chest to chest.

 

They were locked together like that for what felt like an eternity, taking each other in until Steve reached a dripping hand up to curl around Tony’s jaw. The slide of the man’s beard had turned from prickly to soft now that it had grown out a bit longer, it looked good on him. Tony nuzzled his head into Steve’s hand.

 

“I’m not going anywhere, Tony,” Steve promised, and even with knowing about Tony’s hidden doubts and tucked away insecurities he was still surprised when Tony’s shoulders dropped in relief and an unabashed smile opened up his face beautifully. Steve’s breath caught with the need to kiss the man in front of him, to feel their lips connect and press together. Steve wanted it, he longed for it.

 

But, Tony was in control.

 

What Steve didn’t realize was that Tony saw that look on his face. He saw the desire in Steve’s eyes, it was the same desire that resonated in Tony’s own. If things were different Tony would have pushed himself up on his toes and tasted the soldier above him. He would have wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck and finally done what he had wanted to since what felt like forever. But, the situation wasn’t different. As soon as they get to the next base Tony would be leaving Steve to go back home. It was a fact that had crept up on Tony like a bad case of the flu, whenever he thought too hard on it he was crippled. Too soon he wouldn't have Steve’s arms around him like this. If Tony gave into desire now he’d be damning himself to unimaginable heartbreak. He would have tasted temptation only to be pulled back from its unforgiving plunge, and left wanting for what he could never have for the rest of his life. However, if he didn’t let himself succumb to this thrumming want, Steve could stay a wonderful fantasy forever. Yes, losing Steve would hurt no matter what he did or didn’t do, it was too late to help that. But in some ways Tony wouldn't know what he’d be missing. He’d never know the drag of Steve’s lips against his own. He’d never have that memory to haunt him for the rest of his miserable, lonely life.

 

Besides even if Steve did find him attractive that didn’t equal the life altering, soul crushing longing Tony felt for him.

 

In the end, Tony knew this intimacy wouldn’t be fair to either of them.

 

So, before the mistake could be made, Tony’s hands came up from beneath the water and splashed the cold all over Steve’s face before pushing himself away from the soldier. A forced laugh fell from his lips. 

Steve, as if wanting to make Tony hurt as much as possible, stood still as droplets fell from his eyelashes. Frozen hurt and confusion twisted on his face before Steve masked the pain. Tony didn’t want to hurt him. If there was one person Tony Stark would forever hate himself for hurting it was Steve Rogers. But, here he was, taking advantage of the man in front of him.

 

However, Steve, wonderful amazing Steve who maybe didn’t understand exactly why Tony kept rejecting him but knew it wasn’t to intentionally hurt him, turned to face him. 

 

“You don’t know what you just started.”

 

“Don’t I,” Tony replied, and buried the ache in his chest.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Tony was wrong.

 

He really didn’t know what he had started. 

 

Steve was a predator.

 

The soldier stalked Tony up and down the riverbend, chasing him, never letting up. Steve would relentlessly pursue the genius but, as he was about to grab Tony, the soldier let him slip out of reach every time. It was exhilarating because Tony had never realized the full brunt of Steve’s power before. He had never realized the hidden strength Steve possessed until Tony found himself on the opposing side of the soldier in a splash war.

Steve, who should have been slower in the water, wasn’t phased by the molasses that stuck itself to Tony’s legs and kept him down. It was like the river was helping Steve catch him. Tony damned the traitor.

 

The genius paused briefly to catch his breath, a giggle burning in his throat. He couldn’t remember the last time he had experienced such a good time while he was sober. Even inebriated, the fun he had consisted of heated liquor and bare bodies flushed together, it was nothing as innocent and carefree as this was. Tony had shed his snake skin, and for the first time felt like he was free of the world and the weight it placed on his shoulders. The pain he felt before for having to reject Steve slipped away as they fell into the simple roles of the game. It was like they were kids in a park running around through the grassy fields shrieking and laughing. They’d get closer and closer before one would put in a burst of speed and lose the other. Though for never long enough to make it too challenging.

 

Tony bit his lip to keep from smiling too wide, it was getting embarrassing at this point how happy Steve made him. A subtle pulse of pain beat in his chest as heartbreak tried to pull him down, but he didn’t want to give into it. Not right now when this was a memory he knew he’d look back on in fifty years with perfect clarity. He didn’t want it to ever end.

 

However, Tony knew he had waited too long and the soldier was probably right behind him.

 

“You can’t splash me, you don’t want my shoulder to get infected remember,” Tony called out, using that leverage to his advantage, though his hands rose in the air in surrender.

His voice echoed across the glade, and he was surprised when the reassuring tones of Steve’s voice didn’t greet him back.

 

Tony lowered his hands slowly, still not sure that Steve wasn’t pranking him, and prepared himself for a face full of water. But, when Tony turned around Steve was nowhere to be found. Tony quirked an eyebrow, oh he was good.

Tony didn’t see any hint of the soldier on the bank which meant he was probably underwater somewhere about to pop up way too close to Tony and make him jump. The prospect made a mix of dread and anticipation fill him up, like a balloon about to pop. You saw the needle breaching the circle of rubber, you knew it was about to explode. And though you awaited for the needle to pierce the balloon you feared the noise anyway.

Tony waited for that pop, that peak of excitement when Steve would break through the water. But, the longer that he waited the more that excitement twisted and sullied.

 

Too much time had gone by.

 

“Steve…” Tony said moving through the water looking for a head of blond hair under the frosty waves, but the river that had seemed so inviting and relaxing only a moment ago had turned into a mass graveyard. The water that Steve had warned him about, that had been crystal clear, was now too murky for Tony to see the bottom.

 

“Steve,” Tony called louder this time, “this isn’t funny, where are you?” 

 

The brunette was sloshing at the water now, trying to part it in order to find Steve but he kept coming up empty.

 

“Steve, you asshole,” Tony growled heart in his throat as he tried not to let himself panic too much, not yet, “Steve where are you-I swear to god-”

 

Two familiar arms wrapped around Tony’s torso and pulled him out of the water before depositing him back down gently. Laughter that reminded Tony of crisp bells sounded in his ear, and he felt the reassuring vibrations travel through the man’s chest. But, even that wasn’t enough to get the vise like grip around Tony’s heart to ease. As soon as Tony was stable on his feet again he spun to face the soldier behind him and pounded on his chest.

 

“You asshole,” Tony shouted at him angrily splashing him before he put his hands back on Steve’s chest in order to feel that the man was still alive before him.

 

“Hey, hey,” Steve said hands grasping Tony’s forearms gently, Tony watched as the joy twisted on his face. Steve’s hair was matted against his forehead which mean that Tony had been right, the soldier had been underwater. Steve’s eyelashes, normally a platinum blond where a dirty brown contrasting with the intensity of his blue eyes.

 

“Tony what’s wrong what happened,” Steve said stepping closer into Tony’s space, who still felt like he couldn't breathe properly.

 

“You,” Tony said, voice grainy and harsh, “You weren’t there when I turned around, you absolute asshole, you weren't coming up for air, you weren’t making sound, and I couldn’t find you, you ass-”

 

Steve’s shoulders sagged in shame when he realized what had happened, he rubbed his hands up and down Tony’s torso gently trying to get him to calm down.

 

“Tony, I’m sorry I didn’t realize-”

 

But, Tony was already pulling out of Steve’s hold as if the touch stung him. The air grew colder as the sun was now at a low point turning the clouds an ugly purplish grey. He needed to get out of the water, he couldn’t be here anymore.

 

“You c-can’t do that to me, I thought you were drowning. How could you do that,” Tony groaned, wishing that deflated the overblown balloon in his chest. Steve looked like a kicked puppy and Tony decided he deserved it.

 

“Tony--” he called out for the man, worried, but Tony desperately pushed himself away from Steve. He didn’t know if he could handle the soldier's touch when the water dripped from Steve’s skin could have been the water that brought him under.

 

Except Tony overestimated how far he would have to push himself to get away from Steve, and with the coming night the undercurrent was stronger then it had been an hour earlier.

Tony’s mouth opened in shock as he lost his balance and fell backwards into the waves, his eyes caught the horror on Steve’s face before polluted water closed over his head.

 

It must have only been a few seconds that he was under before Steve grabbed him and hoisted him over his shoulder, but to Tony it felt like a lifetime.

His mouth acted as a suction as water invaded the cavern, choking him and burning his eyes. He wanted to fight his way to the surface but the undertow had him tight in its grasp and he was stuck. His lungs where tight as he hadn’t had the time to take a good breath before being forced under, and Tony struggled and squirmed. But it was hopeless, he wasn’t able to get himself back to the top. Terror filled the cavity where there should have been air as thoughts of the end flashed in his mind.

 

But it wasn’t Tony's time for a family reunion just yet.  

 

Sooner then it felt, Steve was heaving him out of the water and Tony could breathe again.

The world spun around his head as Steve fought with the river to let them go. Tony knew he wasn’t helping, acting as dead weight on Steve’s shoulder, but he was too busy coughing up the liquid in his lungs to do anything about it.

The battle reigned in Steve’s favor as he broke free from the thick of the current that receded as Steve stepped his first foot back on the bank.

 

Tony’s world shifted once again as Steve deposited his body gently onto a strip of grass. The genius’s skin tingled with fatigue, and all he wanted to do was lay on those soft blades cocooning him for another two hours. But Tony forced his body up on its elbows. 

 

Steve was fussing. His hands skimmed over Tony’s neck and chest feeling for any water sloshing around where it shouldn’t be.

 

The soldier was silent, no doubt stewing in his thoughts as he methodically acquainted himself with Tony’s body. A petty, ugly pit in Tony was satisfied at the reaction. Steve now knew exactly what Tony had gone through when it was him under the water. 

But the satisfaction was there and gone just as instantaneously. Tony was disgusted with himself for even thinking it. He never wanted Steve to experience what he had when he thought he had lost the man to the water. He didn’t get any pleasure out of Steve’s reaction now, in fact his silence only made Tony uneasy.

 

“Steve,” Tony tried to say to get the man out of his own head, but it was like the soldier didn’t hear him as he continued to look Tony over. Steve was chronically checking and rechecking the places he already had. First going to the ribs to prod for any broken bones then putting his ear up against Tony’s chest to hear his breathing for water, Steve felt around Tony’s neck for anything resembling a crushed windpipe and the list went on over and over again. Finally, Steve was making Tony so anxious the genius put a stop to it.

He reached a shaking hand out and threaded his fingers through Steve’s hair letting them get caught in the tangles the river had left as an ominous reminder. 

Finally, brown eyes met blue as Steve pushed into the feeling of Tony’s hand in his hair. A knot in Tony’s chest eased as Steve came back to himself, he was content to have the soldier wrapped around him. 

But, Tony for all that he was brilliant had underestimated the magnitude with which he had scared Steve.

 

“Didn’t I tell you not to get your shoulder wet,” Steve bit out before he cupped the back of Tony’s head and smashed their lips together.

 

Tony’s eyes widened in his shock.

 

Steve-  _ soft, cracked, plush, begging _ \- was kissing-  _ wet, dry, hungry, tender _ \- him.

 

Holy shit Steve was kissing him.

 

That was the last coherent thought Tony had before his mind went blissfully blank.

 

 Tony melted into Steve’s touch. His lips had been pliant and mailable as Steve worked with them, but as soon as Tony’s brain caught up with what was happening he pushed into it. He let Steve lead the kiss as their lips clashed against each other, pulled back only to come together again. Tony wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck dragging him impossibly closer in hopes of melding into one another. Steve was all passion and fear as he urged the kiss onward and Tony happy to let him lead them in any direction they needed to go. Tony never wanted to leave this moment.

 

Some sensible part of Tony reminded him that they would eventually have to pull apart and the reality of it all would come crashing down on him, that he should quit while he was ahead. But then Steve flicked his tongue against Tony’s lips all but demanding for entrance as Tony went plaint in his hands and moaned. Tony was Steve’s, entirely. The soldier had a control over him no one else ever had.

 

All the repressed need between them burst forward as they explored each other, Tony anticipated his kiss bruised lips later that night. He wanted a permanent mark to remind him of what had happened. Tony needed a reminder proving how he had given his all into this kiss. He knew he only had this one chance to show Steve how much he cared for him and he’d show it with all he had.

Tony nipped Steve’s lip when they pulled back for air causing the soldier to jerk forward and moan, which in turn made Tony’s limbs liquify. It didn’t help that they were both still naked from their swim.

 

Steve was hard and dripping onto Tony’s thigh, and Tony wasn’t far behind. Adrenaline could do that to you. 

 

Tony broke the kiss only so he could take in the wet dream in front of him. The disconnection only lasted a moment before Steve attached his mouth to Tony’s neck. The brunette brought his hand up to the back of Steve’s head to hold him there. Tony was lost in the sensation of Steve’s warm, wet mouth clashing with his own cold, clammy skin. Yet, that one point of contact was enough to heat Tony up from the inside out.

 

“Thought I lost you,” Steve murmured against Tony’s neck, his hand trailing down the brunette’s chest.

 

“Thought I lost you, too,” Tony replied bringing Steve’s face back up to bring their lips together. Tony’s breath hitched, he didn’t think he’d ever get tired of the ferocity with which Steve devoured his mouth. Yet, Steve pulled away quicker then Tony expected. The genius let out of whine of dismay that Steve shushed gently.

 

“It’s ok doll, I’m right here I’m not going anywhere,” Steve promised, reassuring Tony who felt like his heart was about to beat out of his chest as he attached his own mouth to Steve’s sweet and salty skin leaving his own mark, Steve grunted his approval.

 

“Can I touch you,” the blond asked, voice like velvet, it was only then that Tony noticed how far down Steve’s hand had traveled until it rested just over his leaking cock.

The sight of Steve’s large hand placed so fully over Tony’s body made a bolt of arousal shoot down his spine. It was a possessive, heady gesture that made Tony’s head roll to the back of his head.

 

“Please,” Tony moaned, and Steve grinned wickedly.

 

The blond took both of their cocks into his one hand and Tony bit his lip, adding to the swelling. Using only their joined precome the soldier started jerking the two of them off. Tony’s hands were tangled in the blond’s hair gripping ridiculously tight at the pleasure that washed through him.

 

“Look, doll,” Steve murmured into Tony’s ear, nipping at it, “look at us like this together, look at how good you look for me, oh Tony.”

 

Tony’s eyes shot open to meet Steve’s blue, the soldier’s gaze hadn’t left Tony’s face since this all began. However, the dark iris in the middle now blew out any of the ice blue Tony had become used to.

 

“Look at us, doll,” Steve insisted, and Tony tipped his gaze downward.

 

It was erotic. That’s the only word Tony could use for it.

 

Steve’s cock was thick and long and although Tony’s own didn’t match in size, they fit together. They pulsed against each other as the rough calluses of Steve’s hand brought noises out of Tony no one else had achieved before. Especially with only a handjob. 

 

Tony tipped his head all the way back knowing if he stared for much longer he’d come embarrassingly fast, and if this was the only time he was going to get this he wanted it to last. He wanted to lose himself completely in the drug of Steve’s body, never to be found sober again.

 

“Steve,” Tony whimpered, breathless, “Steve, fuck, please…”

 

With his other hand Steve tugged Tony’s chin until they were face to face again and kissed him messily. The rhythm of Steve’s hand faltered but it was enough for Tony to stop himself from coming so he counted it as a win.

 

“Hey, hey,” Steve said when they broke apart and Tony nuzzled their faces together, “I’m going to take care of you, Tony, you know that?”

 

Tony nodded his head as Steve picked his pattern back up. He was going faster now then he had been previously.

But, that wasn’t enough for Steve.

 

“Say it, Tony,” Steve insisted, the slide of his hand almost on the right side of too much, and Tony knew it would be seconds before they both came hard, “Say you know I’m going to take care of you.”

 

Tony bit his lip but did as he was asked, knowing it wasn’t a hardship, “I know, Steve. You always take care of me, you always have.”

 

Steve didn’t waste any more time before his lips found Tony’s one last time, Steve’s mouth swallowed Tony’s moans as they both came hard spilling over each other and onto Steve’s hand.

The aftershocks pulsed through the two in silence as they both came down from their high, basking in each other.

 

It was only as Steve took his hand away and the pleasure stopped numbing Tony’s mind that he realized what had happened, and dread settled in his gut.

 

No.

 

No, no, no, no, no.

 

He had promised himself that he wouldn't do this. He had promised himself that he wouldn’t give into his lust because the fallout would break him otherwise. Yet, here he was on the other side of it, knowing he had just doomed himself for a lifetime. 

 

Steve, oblivious to Tony’s breakdown leaned forward to peck the man he cherished, but Tony jerked and turned his head at the last second. Steve’s soft, bruised lips met briefly with the genius’s cheek. Tony knew that would be the last touch he ever received from the man. 

 

Tony had never felt a pain like this before. It was a mix of pulling himself away from the one person he wanted the most in the world, and knowing he was hurting the man in the process.

He was such a dick. Why couldn’t Steve had fallen for any other decent person in the world? Why did he have to pick Tony who would disappoint him no matter what he tried to do?

 

Tony knew the moment Steve realized he was being rejected again. Tony could feel the crush of pain and sorrow and longing without having to even look at him. Which he did anyway.

 

Steve pulsed with sorrow.

 

“No,” Steve pleaded with Tony, but Tony was already moving out from under Steve and grabbing his long forgotten clothes. He ignored the sticky fluid drying on his stomach.

 

“Tony, stop, wait,” Steve called as Tony shakely started pulling his clothes and shoes back on.

 

“What-what!” Tony shouted needing to get away from Steve before he broke down completely. He knew if Steve saw him lose it he’d hold Tony in his arms and kiss him sweetly. That's all Tony wanted, but he knew distance was the only way to help the problem, and he hated the world and himself for it.

 

Nonetheless, Steve grabbed Tony’s arms and turned him around so they were facing each other. 

 

Steve stared at him desperately, begging Tony to explain what was going on in his head. But Tony couldn’t explain it, he just couldn’t.

 

“What am I doing wrong,” Steve whispered, pleaded. Tony felt his heart crack and splinter into a million fragments he didn’t think would ever be put back together properly again.

 

Tony knew what he had to do.

 

“Look,” the genius said painstakingly sliding on the mask that he prayed would be enough for Steve let him go, “It was a mistake. That should have never happened. We were both high on adrenaline and you thought I almost died and I thought you almost died and we weren’t thinking clearly that’s all.”

 

Steve looked like he had been slapped, and Tony had never hated himself more. The soldier collected himself as he let Tony’s words settle between them before deciding what to say in order to hurt Tony back.

 

“Fine, Stark,” Tony flinched, “hide behind your words, take the cowards way out. But Tony, I know you better now. I know when you’re hiding something and right now you’re afraid. You are terrified and if you think I’m just going to let this go I won’t-”

 

“Do whatever the hell you want,” Tony interrupted with a cutting smirk, hating how it felt on his kiss swollen lips, “doesn’t matter to me, keep reading too far into things Steve it’s only going to get you hurt in the process. You’re so stupid, thinking I would want someone like you.”

 

Tony froze, Steve froze. 

 

Steve inhaled shakily and drew back up his walls. Tony wished the soldier had let him drown in the river.

 

Without another word Tony turned and fled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy, comments and kudos are always welcome. If you thought it sucked refer to the first note up top


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was so late im not abandoning the story i promise i have the next two chapters written just not edited bc summer exists you feel? Anyway, this is short but its out so enjoy

  
  


The tree line encased Tony’s body.

 

His retreating form was swept into the shadows as he abandoned Steve who was only beginning to process what had changed between them. The soldier’s gaze remained pinned on the genius until he could no longer make out Tony’s shape. 

 

Even then, Steve stood like a fool long after Tony had disappeared from view. Shock processing in his mind morphed to anger and then pain. 

Steve was an idiot. 

How could he have allowed this to happen? How could he have let himself fall so hard and so easily without realizing it? He was an idiot.

 

But then again, he could still feel Tony’s clammy skin shuddering beneath his fingers and his dead weight pulling on Steve’s arms. Steve knew, as much as he hated himself for it, if he had to do it again he wouldn’t have changed a thing. He’d break himself as long as it meant Tony was safe. 

 

If only that was enough to ease the sharp pang that resonated inside Steve. 

 

Slowly, he bent down, his muscles stung with the movement as he had been standing in one position for far too long. Steve ignored the pins and needles climbing his legs. Instead, his fingers scraped the ground. Wet dirt and pebbles both smooth and rough greeted his fingers. Steve tracked his hand through the mess until he found what he was looking for. 

The heavy, satisfying, weight of a jagged rock cut at his skin. It was painted with mud and he squeezed his fist around it causing the gravel to imprint on his skin. Steve stood back up, taking his gaze away from the ammunition in his hand and back to where Tony vanished into the woods. With a guttural growl that sounded far too wounded for Steve’s liking, he hurled the rock at the brush. Anger burned in his heart, as the rock connected with a tree and sent a chunk of bark flying. For one moment of bliss, Steve felt rectified. He was high on the the brief gratification that broke through the continuous cycle of madness. Breathing heavy, Steve reached back down to the bank. He plucked stone after stone to throw at the tree, finding satisfaction in the hole he ripped in its trunk. 

He kept going at it until his shoulders were sore and an exhaustion, that was much more than physical, made every movement he made feel like slow motion.

Steve was finally able to tear his gaze away from the cut up tree in front of him. From where Tony had stood an hour ago speaking the words he knew would hurt Steve.

 

“ _ Why would I want someone like you?” _

 

Steve flinched.

 

He dropped the latest stone that resided in his hand, as it fell, an edge nicked his skin. The soldier looked down at the sting that came with the sudden blood flow. He was surprised to find there was a myriad of similar cuts running along his hands. Steve found his skin dirty and bloody and deliriously started wiping them off on his thighs, skin meeting nothing but skin. 

A hard wind blew, slicing through Steve like he was nothing but paper. Steve’s teeth began to chatter and he took a step back, as if the wind had pushed him. Steve brought his arms around him to shield his torso, he was shivering and alone. 

For the first time in a long time Steve felt like he used to. When he was small and sickly and cold all the time because his body couldn’t regulate his temperature. Steve closed his eyes against the feeling, forcing it away. He couldn’t relapse into that headspace; if he wasn’t careful he’d get stuck there.

 

“ _ Why would I want someone like you _ ?”

 

Steve convulsed as if he had been shot, he steeled himself against the pain. He was stronger than this. He had survived prejudices and poisoned words before he could do it again. 

He ignored the fact that he had never had to steel himself against the people he trusted before. 

 

But, that felt too much like admitting to something he wasn’t ready to bring into the light yet. 

 

Steve took a deep breath and felt some of the warmth come back to his body. The soldier moved from where he had been frozen, the ground clawing at his aching feet. The sky was just light enough that he could make out where his pile of clothes lay. He walked, numbly, to the pile and dressed. He ignored the drying, flaky substance marking his torso. It was uncomfortable, but Steve wasn’t going back to the river to wash it away. Steve had had his fill of the glade for the rest of his life. It's ominous darkness, hidden behind flowers, seemed to mock him. Steve turned his shoulder against it and made his way back to camp. He pushed through the brush that snagged and ripped at his clothes. Steve ignored it, his only desire was to get back to camp and put this entire mess behind him. 

He wanted to forget Tony, that was the truth he was keeping from himself. He wanted to forget what it felt like to be pressed up against him, to feel him tremble and open up so beautifully under Steve’s touch. But, most of all Steve wanted to forget Tony’s kiss and his laugh. The joy that lit up his face whenever Steve said something to grab his attention. Steve wanted to forget so this pain could stop.

 

“ _ Why would I want someone like you?” _

 

Steve hissed at the ripple effect those words sent through his body. But forced himself to continue on, he couldn’t be weak if he was going to get them to the next base. Steve was looking forward to arriving if only to get away from Tony. It would give him time to get over this stupid crush.

 

The soldier cringed. He knew this was so much more than that. 

 

“ _ Why would I want you?” _

 

Even with those words haunting him, it was too late to sever the connection Steve felt for the genius. Steve knew he only had himself to blame. This was what he had known would happen if he let himself get close to Tony. He had initially steeled himself against any charm the man exuded solely because he knew if he got caught up in Tony’s spell there’d be no turning back. There would be no after for him, no getting over it. But Tony had snuck past Steve’s defenses before he could ever hope to sound the alarm. Now he was stuck with the aftermath.

 

“ _ Why would I want you?” _

 

Steve suddenly found himself back at camp. He didn’t remember the full trek that led him here, but he didn’t really care. He was simply glad to be somewhere familiar again.

Except, maybe he wasn’t.

 

Everything at camp was exactly how he left it. The blankets hanging from the trees, the unlit fire pit, their separate packs next to the cots. It felt wrong. It was wrong that everything was how he left it when he was monumentally changed. Steve took a step back from the site, watching as it turned fuzzy and muted the more he moved away. He didn’t understand, but he also didn’t care. He needed to be anywhere but here right now. 

He’d apologize for leaving Tony later, but right now-

 

Shit.

 

Tony.

 

The genius wasn’t at camp.

 

He was still alone in the woods, unprotected.

 

Sure, Steve was still pissed and hurt because of Tony, but he knew once he slept on the argument he’d be able to think on it logically. Steve knew that at least part of what Tony had said was based on his own fear and need to drive Steve away in order to protect himself. Even if that meant Tony had to hurt Steve, Tony didn’t deserve to be forgotten in the woods. 

 

Before Steve knew what he was doing he was tearing through the bramble and the trees, not understanding how it seemed they purposefully were getting in his way and stopping him from getting to Tony. Steve had promised to keep Tony safe and the gut wrenching terror he was feeling told him he failed.

 

“No!” the cry fell from his lips though it sounded no louder than a whisper. He had lost Bucky, if he lost Tony too he’d break beyond repair. Damn how their last encounter had ended, Steve would find every person who had ever laid a hand on Tony and kill them.

Except that notion seemed far more obtainable when he wasn’t face to face with Tony’s body. Steve knew being torn in half would have hurt less. 

 

“Tony!” he tried to scream, but the words were like cotton in his mouth. Steve wished the trees that had been blocking his path had never let him break free.

Tony’s blank eyes bore endlessly up into the empty sky.

 

“No, no, no,” Steve repeated to himself as he fell to the ground besides Tony and cupped his cheek.

Cold, Tony was cold.

 

“No,” Steve said again, tears washing his vision. The soldier ran the pad of his thumb over Tony’s blue lips. They had been warm and malleable only hours ago. Steve’s shaking touch traveled down until his fingers were painted red. 

 

Bullet wound.

 

A single shot to the gut. Tony never stood a chance. He had bled out in minutes. Even if Steve had been there Tony wouldn't have made it. 

 

But, at least he wouldn’t have died alone. A sob escaped Steve’s lips.

 

“I’m sorry,” he wheezed,”I’m so sorry, please don’t leave me.”

But, Tony’s brown eyes were stuck on the sky above never to meet Steve’s blue ever again.

 

“ _ No.” _

 

Steve opened his eyes and shot up in bed.

 

Well, what Steve took as a bed at least. The cot didn’t do much to protect him from the wind rattling his bones. Or was his chattering teeth and wide eyes from another terror all together? Steve’s head snapped to the right despite the fear he felt at what he might find. 

But his fear was for not. Tony’s fluffy hair stuck up from under the cover of a blanket, the chocolate strands wound and tangled together as the wind blew. Steve felt the fear gripping his heart ease and fade away, leaving him passive as exhaustion seeped into his bones mixing intensely with relief. Tony was ok. Tony was alive and sleeping soundly next to him. 

 

Though Steve couldn’t ignore the pull that insisted he make sure that was the truth he knew it to be so. Trembling, completely self indulgent, fingers carded themselves in Tony’s hair and untangled the knots. Steve hung his head, finally reassured Tony was ok as the man’s body heat warmed Steve’s fingers. The soldier’s nails scrapped soothingly as the man’s scalp, not having the strength to pull away just yet when his dream still had him scared stiff. 

A shiver wracked Tony’s frame as Steve found a specifically good spot and, even when asleep, Tony melted into the touch. The genius twisted and pushed into the feeling of Steve’s hands until Tony was facing Steve entirely. 

 

Steve’s breath caught in the back of his throat.

He wanted this.

The realization hit him like a bag of bricks. Steve wanted this so bad he ached. He wanted the unspoken permission to card his fingers through Tony’s hair whenever he felt like it. He wanted it to be normal for Tony to push back into his touch and seek refuge in it. Steve wanted to do this when Tony was wide awake and be secure in the knowledge that the genius wouldn’t run away or hurt him. 

Steve inhaled sharply as the days events came rushing back to him. The soldier pulled his hand away sharply as reality finally separated itself from his dream.

 

One thing stayed consistent though.

 

Steve was an idiot.

 

Why did he keep pushing something Tony so obviously didn’t want?

 

Steve rubbed his hands incessantly up and down his arms, clinging to his goosebumped skin. 

His dream had almost been a mirror of what happened in reality. Steve still had scrapes on his hands from throwing rocks at Tony’s long vanished figure. He still felt the betrayal, yet need to figure out the truth when it came to how Tony really felt about them. Steve knew Tony’s sharp thorned words were merely a distraction. As much as they succeeded in hurting the soldier, he knew there was much more hiding behind them. Which was why, when Steve had gotten back to camp from the river, he felt the need to chase after Tony. But right as Steve was about to re-enter the forest Tony’s proud face came into view and anger cemented back in Steve’s gut. Mainly because he didn’t hate Tony half as much as he probably should, and it was clear Tony had no intention of apologizing or being the bigger man. Needless to say the rest of the night was filled with cryptic awkwardness and cold silence. 

 

Tiredness pulled at Steve’s eyelids, both emotional and physical. He just wanted to forget. Steve chanced a longing glance at Tony, wishing the genius would wake so they could sort this out and help ease Steve’s spinning mind. But, he knew it was better that Tony stay oblivious in sleep. 

Steve ran a hand through his own hair and sighed. He cursed himself as he fell back under his blanket, refusing to think any more on the days happenings and what they would inevitably bring for tomorrow. 

Steve looked up into the night sky listening for the sound of an owl or crickets to soothe him to sleep, but he was met with taunting silence. Nonetheless, Steve closed his eyes, barely noticing as he drifted off to sleep.

Yet, a thought tugged at his conscious that didn’t let him succumb to sleep just yet.

 

Why was the forest silent? 

 

It was never silent.

 

Understanding clicked in Steve’s head a moment too late. 

 

Tony.

 

The name was the only thought Steve had before pain plunged into his shoulder. A silent scream left Steve’s lips as his eyes shot open. 

He was met with six shadowed men. 

Steve tried to fight his way to a standing position even as pain from the knife embedded in his shoulder made the world around him spin. But it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. Steve caught sight of a satisfied smirk before he was hit over the head with the butt of a gun and everything went dark.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey working on getting the next ch out friday   
> This was so short and i had finished with it so early that it would have been a waste to wait so here take my meek offering

Tony woke up in a cold sweat.

 

Eyes wide, body shaking, he met reality in a state of shock. 

 

Everything was wrong.

 

He’d had a nightmare. 

 

Steve had been there. Covered in sunlight, the soldier’s strong reassuring hands ran possessively up and down Tony’s body. Their lips connected in a way Tony was sure he’d feel only once in his lifetime. Purple hydrangeas bloomed on Tony’s neck from where Steve had lost his mind in his partners skin, not that Tony had any intention of stopping him. Tony had felt what heaven would be like. He cherished that part of his dream because he knew he’d never experience it in real life.

But Tony’s personal safe haven had turned into his own private hell quickly. Steve had torn away from him, though not by choice. Tony had pushed him away, forced Steve to leave him alone when it was the last thing either of them wanted. Steve had resisted, determined to not let Tony scare him away, but his insistence only fueled Tony’s fear and the genius had struck out with a poison even the soldier wasn’t immune to.

 

Now if only Tony could forget that it wasn’t a nightmare, but a memory that was plaguing him.

 

He wished it was a horror his mind had created. A beautiful nightmare concocted up in the twisted desires he called an imagination. But he couldn’t fool himself no matter how he wanted to.

 

Tony fell from his side to his back so he was staring up into the endless sky above him. The sun was peeking over the horizon, catching Tony’s gaze in a playful burst of light. Tony winced and tilted his head away from the pursuing blindness. As black dots faded from his vision, Tony was able to focus on his surroundings. 

 

Yesterday, before Tony had left for that damn river, he hadn’t seen the camp fully unpacked. He had known to leave before Steve had finished laying out their things if he wanted his plan to succeed. Looking back Tony wished it hadn’t. He wished Steve had stopped him before he had ever put a foot in the water, he wished he had been strong enough to stop himself. But to focus on the ‘what if’s’ of the situation would only torture the genius and he knew it.

 

Distracting himself by nitpicking the camps setup was the best he could come up with to get his mind off his current predicament.

 

 If it was up to Tony, he would dump their stuff and not think too hard on where each pot or blanket should be placed. But, in all the physical ways Steve had trained, it was easy to forget he had been trained in strategy too. Even though Tony had never truly doubted the soldier’s brilliance. A compliment that was not to be taken lightly from the lips of Tony Stark.

But, it was true. In all the ways Steve didn’t see things like Tony did, Tony didn’t see things as Steve did either. When Steve set up their camp he specifically put their food packs next to where they slept in the case they had to leave in a rush and could only grab the essentials. Steve specifically hung the extra blankets in both their packs from the trees in order to hide them from predators looking in. Animal or otherwise. It put them one step ahead of an ambush. Any soldiers coming for them would think of the blankets as a good way to stage a surprise attack, not realizing they had already been outsmarted. 

Steve specifically had the sleeping bags laid out on the west side of camp, medical supplies stashed in an abandoned animal hole in the roots of a tree, and a gun under his head when he slept. 

 

Tony slept with the bullet that had hit him under his pillow.

 

Steve didn’t know that. Tony didn’t plan on telling him. 

 

The genius pushed himself to a sitting position, letting the sleeping bag fall around his waist. As Tony had predicted, everything was in it’s usual spots. 

The blankets on the trees, medical supplies hidden, water canister hanging from a branch. The setup was what Tony had come to think of as home in his time alone with Steve. 

 

But, something was wrong. 

 

A chill breeze ruffled Tony’s shirt as it blew by, and the genius felt like bugs were crawling up his arms but this time he was pretty sure it wasn’t because he had fallen asleep on a cluster of ant hills.

 

It only took him a moment more to figure out what was different. 

 

Tony’s breath caught in his throat. 

 

Steve wasn’t there. Normally, Tony would wake up to a sweltering heat coming from the man besides him, even though they slept apart. 

But, for the first morning in many, the genius was cold. 

 

This is how it started. This was what Tony had been dreading since the moment Steve had looked at him with anything other then contempt in his eyes. From the moment Tony had developed even an inkling of appreciation for the soldier. From the moment water had licked the back of Tony’s heels and Steve stood dumbfounded but enraptured in front of him. Tony had known this time would come, had expected it, but still wasn’t prepared for it. He felt the beginnings of his fragile heart splinter and crack with the pressure he was holding back. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want to feel this anymore, he didn’t want to continuously break because of his own stupidity. He wanted to feel safe again, and like he wasn’t the monster this world had made him out to be. 

 

He wanted Steve.

 

“No,” Tony gasped out and stood up, hands grabbing at his hair, vision swimming. No. He didn’t want to break, he didn’t want to.

 

“Please.” he whimpered a throbbing pulsing behind his eye.

    

He didn’t want to hurt anymore, he didn’t want to be alone anymore, he didn't want to…

 

Tony had to leave. It was a cutting, obvious, cry for a change of topic. But Tony couldn’t think of Rogers any longer. He couldn’t let himself dwell on whether or not the blond soldier was coming back for Tony or if Steve had left Tony to succumb to the flighty whims of Mother Nature. 

 

What if Tony never got back to civilization? What if he never got home? 

 

Tony wanted to believe that was why he was panicking, but he couldn’t make himself swallow the lie. 

 

Tony didn’t want to be alone, even though he knew he deserved it.

After everything, every horrible thing Tony had said to Steve, every lie Tony had thrown Steve’s way it was no wonder that the soldier had left. Had left him.

Tony shook his head and squeezed his sides, hoping the pressure would hold him together.

The genius had to get away from this tainted campsite he had come to associate with the one person who could hurt him the most. 

Tony stumbled backwards, torturing himself with one final glance of the haunted ground before stumbling away.

 

Not that he made it far. The genius’s heel caught on the straps of Steve’s backpack, and he tripped backwards. The brunette yelped in surprise and reached out his hand at the last second to catch himself, dead leaves crunching under his weight. But the hard, unforgiving ground wasn’t the only thing he came in contact with. Cold metal pressed into his vulnerable skin.

Tony didn’t need to look at what his hand was holding to know what it was. He had grown up with these horrific pieces of machinery as playthings. He had chewed on its barrel, built buildings with its bullets, pulled its trigger just to hear the empty, meaningless shot.

No, Tony didn’t need to look down to know what he was holding, but he did anyway.

 

Tony’s fingers were curled around Steve’s gun.

 

That’s when Tony finally broke. Steve had come to hate Tony so much that he hadn’t even taken his most prized possession with him before bolting. 

 

Tony stood from where he had lain, stagnant, on the ground and ran.

 

He didn’t bother questioning the oddity of Steve leaving his army issued gun, or why all the man’s possessions were in disarray around his sleeping bag when Steve was notorious for being neat. He didn’t stop to think that Steve, no matter how angry he got with Tony, would never even consider leaving the man to fend for himself. And as Tony’s fears waged war against the trust he placed in the soldier, he never stopped to notice the pool of blood staining Steve’s bedroll.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Tony tore through the trees, only having a general idea of how far he was going by the blur of green that flew by. He had to keep going, he couldn’t let himself stop. If he stopped his thoughts would catch up with him. If he stopped the pain, fear, betrayal, and self hatred would catch up to him and bury him underneath the burden each one carried.

So he ran. He ran with the hope that he would find himself in a new universe where nothing hurt anymore, he ran despite the pain coursing through his body from overuse, he ran with the forbidden fantasy that maybe he would find Steve and apologize for all the hurt he caused the man just please come back to him.

 

Tony hadn’t realized how much he had taken Steve for granted until the man was gone. He hadn’t realized how much he depended on the soldier, had found his happiness in the soldier, and even felt like he was healing because of the soldier until it was all viciously and instantaneously ripped away.

 

Tony’s legs burned as he ran, but he only sunk into the pressure, using one pain to distract him from another.

 

He hated Steve. 

 

Tony came to an abrupt stop, his momentum too much as it tipped him forward and he landed harshly on his healing gunshot wound. The man rolled onto his back clutching his shoulder as he hissed from the pain, but as it died down he almost wished it had never left. 

 

Tony was finally able to feel what he thought he never would again. Hatred. Hatred towards Steve Rogers. Tony lay on the dying grass, dirt sucking him into the ground until he felt like he was part of the Earth around him. He felt a burning hatred permeate his stomach before rising to his chest where it slicked the inner lining of his throat, staining him forever.

 

Tony didn’t just hate Steve, he loathed him. Tony loathed the man so deeply it was hard to discern the difference from the love he felt for him. Tony had been so stupid to trust Steve, and really it was his own fault. If he had forced himself to one side of the problem or the other none of this would have happened. He could have either kept Steve at a professional distance or fallen into the bond they shared with everything he had. If he had done either of those things everything would be different. Instead, he had been foolish enough to believe he could straddle that line without getting hurt. He thought he had been clever enough to not let himself get stuck on either side, but enjoy the delights of both. He had been so stupid. When could he ever have something he wanted without the constant reminder that there was always a price. He had been a fool, and Steve had gotten caught in the middle of it. For hurting the soldier Tony would always hate himself.

 

Because as he stood from his spot on the ground and took in the men in front of him, Tony’s heart sank to his stomach. He knew one thing for certain.

 

He could never hate Steve Rogers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always welcome!!!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ch is kind of all over the place and i plan on going back and editing like i do with all the ch’s but i wanted to get this up bc I said i would on my last update so here...take this trash

“Surrender or he gets a bullet in his brain,” snarled the man Tony could only assume was in charge. A Captain, Tony suspected, hating the parallel it drew to Steve.

 

In front of the genius stood six soldiers, all dressed in identical uniforms and armed to the teeth with weapons. 

 

Tony lifted his chin in defiance.

 

“If you kill him you have no leverage over me, try again,” Tony said, calling the man’s bluff. The adrenaline in his veins giving him a confidence he knew better than to waste. 

Clinging onto that sense of rebellion, the genius clasped his sweaty hands behind his back before he lost the nerve. The man in charge cocked his head to the side, the only sign that he was impressed or humoured with Tony’s actions. 

 

“They did tell me you were smart,” the man finally responded after taking a moment to collect himself. Tony could have let out a sigh of relief. Thankful that they hadn’t shot Steve at the first sign of Tony’s resistance. As it was he kept his breath to himself.

 

The wind mingled through the trees, ruffling the leaves until they snapped from their branches.

 

“Genius actually,” Tony quipped back rocking from the balls of his feet to his heels, distantly knowing that he should be cowering for his life right about now. Any sane person in his position would be, hell, even Steve would tell him to just do as he was told. But Tony never did well with authority, as he had proved time and time again. He certainly wasn’t going to allow these empty headed brutes to bring him down.

 

A crooked leer widened on Tony’s opponents scarred face and a glimmer ignited in the man’s dead eyes. Tony practically dared him to speak his next words.

 

This conversation was nothing more than a disembelshed exchange between politicians at one of his father’s elaborate parties, something Tony had been learning to navigate since he was a child. But instead of lavish hands holding flutes of champagne, calloused fingers clenched around gun handles. 

 

“Yes, your father did mention that when we last saw him,” the man said, clearly trying to throw Tony off balance, not realizing Tony was already privy to the information the soldier was using to try and gain ground. Yet, the genius kept a neutral expression, giving the man nothing to go on. The Captain’s eyebrows furrowed at the lack of reaction before deciding Tony hadn’t grasped his meaning.

 

Idiot.

 

“He said that if there was anyone in the world that could find the truth about his death it was his genius of a son, and that we should all count our prayers,” the man’s voice carried to Tony who tried not to flinch, “but I see no one to be frightened of, and he died the same pathetic death they all do. The same death that your comrades died in the bombing, the same death you will die, Tony Stark.”

 

The man spat on the ground separating them, and approval radiated from his troop. They had the foolish notion in their heads that Tony would go down easy. They didn’t realize the intimidation that should have frightened Tony only fueled him. He wouldn’t let his father’s murderers get away unscathed. More importantly he wouldn’t let Bucky Barnes murderers live to see another day.

 

Maybe he wasn’t a trained soldier but he was a trained reptile, a snake among men. The soldiers were about to find out just how poisonous his venom could be.

 

“No,” Tony said, catching his opponents off guard. Their grunts of approval faded and soured as the genius gained their undivided attention. 

 

“You won’t kill me,” Tony said with a smile that brought the mightiest to their knees, “you won’t even touch me. If anyone’s going to die today, it’s you.”

 

The Captain’s eyes flared as he pulled out a gun and aimed for Tony’s head. The genius didn’t flinch, not with the rage backing him. Even if every gilded word he spoke was a bluff.

 

“So sure are you?” the soldier growled.

 

“Yes, I am. Did you not understand what I just said?” Tony replied, goading the man, “you see, you staged my father’s death as an accident.” Tony noticed a ripple of discomfort flow through the men as he revealed information he should have had no access to. Maybe there was more cause to be afraid of him then they had originally thought.

 

Tony continued on as if he hadn’t dropped a bombshell, a kernel of satisfaction sparking hope in his chest.

 

“You were able to hide the true intent of Howard’s death, but there’s no way to cover up a bullet to the heart. Suicide? Maybe, but an unlikely story that even the inane could see through. Plus this time around you have an extra body to account for. Leave him alive and no matter what you do he will hunt you down. Kill him and the truth behind my death is revealed. With such an obvious murder on your hands the trail will lead right back to you. Do you know who I am? I build the creations that can take out entire countries, do you think the army will overlook my death? No. They will find you and you will never again see the outside of a cell.”

 

Tony took advantage of their stunned silence.

 

“You come to me not to tie up loose ends, but for revenge. Revenge for your soldiers who died meaningless deaths in a foreign country. Their lives were worthless in the end. You come to me not to shroud my death in lies of suicide, but to mutilate me beyond recognition as your pride insist it be so. It’s why you haven’t pulled the trigger, I don’t deserve an easy death. Because of me your men died in anguish and you plan to return the favor before I go. But to do so could land you on the cutting block. You can’t touch me.”

 

Anger now burned in the faces of the soldiers before him, Tony had them right where he wanted. Now, if only the man caught in their grip would open his damned blue eyes he could take advantage of-

 

“Maybe we can’t touch you,” the man snarled and fear started to slither itself past Tony’s bravado, “but we can touch him.”

 

The Captain changed his aim from Tony’s head to Steve’s shoulder. The man knew that Tony had been right in his earlier statement. They couldn’t kill Steve because then they’d have no leverage over Tony. But they could permanently handicap the man in ways Tony’s head couldn’t begin to wrap around.

 

“Not so smart now, are you?” The Captain gloated when he realized he had caught Tony in a bind.

 

Panic started to settle in the genius’s bones.  

 

Any cool indifference Tony had felt moments prior fell to pieces at his feet, leaving him defenseless against the shot they were about to fire at him. 

 

As soon as Tony had first laid eyes on the soldiers who had been hunting him, the distress he had felt over Steve’s disappearance had vanished. No longer was pain and sadness ripping him in half. No longer did it feel like he was being skinned alive by his own thoughts. None of that mattered once his mask snapped into place. But his boldness was only because he had avoided doing one thing.

 

He hadn’t looked at Steve this entire time.

 

Distantly, Tony knew Steve was passed out from his wounds. The pain pulling him into the waiting bliss of uncouncisnes where nothing could hurt him anymore. 

 

Distantly, Tony saw the deep red stain that covered Steve’s torso and knew there was a good chance his soldier was bleeding out as he spoke. 

 

Distantly, Tony was terrified that Steve Rogers might be taking his last breaths, and the only way to save him was if Tony kept a level head.

 

But he could only hold Steve at a distance for so long. Tony was forced to shatter his control as his gaze was drawn to his soldier and the gun pressed intimately into his skin.

 

It was Tony’s fault, all of it, and he wouldn’t let Steve suffer for him anymore.

 

Tony’s father was gone, Steve’s home was in ruins miles behind them, and Bucky was in a hole in the ground.

 

Tony had done enough damage. It was time to atone for his sins.

 

But it was almost impossible to breathe, nevermind think, when he took in Steve’s appearance.

 

Steve’s arms were suspended painfully behind him and his head hung limp against his chest. Golden locks that had grown out in their time away from camp fell across his face, blocking the features Tony had become so used to. Tony itched to run his hands along the man’s forehead and sweep his hair to the side. Yet he was almost glad he couldn’t. Tony didn’t know if he was strong enough to lay eyes on Steve’s face. He couldn’t stand to see his failure laid out for him in all its horrific glory. The guilt would kill him long before the soldiers had the chance.

 

Steve had always seemed to Tony stronger than a mountain and larger than the tallest skyscraper. Yet, here he was curled in on himself. Dried blood stained his white shirt a dark auburn, but fresh, glutinous, blood made the fabric stick uncomfortably to fresher wounds. 

The only reassurance Tony took from the sight was when his assessing gaze landed on Steve’s chest.  

The saturated t-shirt clung to Steve like a second skin and Tony could easily see his ribcage rapidly moving up and down. He was alive and breathing. Tony still had time. Not that the thought helped much as the genius still didn’t know how to get them to safety. 

 

Steve was dangling like Tony’s own personal sacrificial lamb, but Tony was no God to be worshipped.

 

He was a lie that Steve had believed in so thoroughly, and it had led him to this.

 

Realizing that he had the upper hand, the Captain sheathed the gun and nodded to the men holding Steve up.

 

The soldier’s tossed Steve’s body to the ground. Tony couldn’t hold back the shout that fell from his lips as Steve’s body met the dirt with a hollow thump, like there was nothing left in the man least of all his spirit.

Tony was mindless as he threw himself at his soldier, needing to feel him alive beneath his fingertips. But before Tony could make contact, he was caught in a set of beefy hands that wrenched him backwards.

 

He had been so single minded as he reached for Steve that he hadn’t noticed his assailants spreading out around him. They encased him from all sides so he couldn’t escape. Now it was too late, Tony had lost. They had hit him right where it hurt and he had crumbled like they knew he would.

 

A stiff hand gripped Tony’s chin to stop him from thrashing his head back and forth as he tried to free himself. The genius grunted in pain as the hand all but crushed his jaw, and his arms were pulled tightly behind him. He dared to worry that his shoulder was going to pop right out of its socket, but immediately berated himself. Steve would have taken the pain without a sound. 

 

However, Tony was not Steve. 

 

He would never be half the man his soldier was.

 

“You’re going to watch,” the man hissed into his ear, warm breath causing Tony’s skin to dew, “you’re going to watch as he’s beaten to death and then you’re going to be next.”

 

“How about a raincheck on that one,” Tony said, and dug the heel of his shoe into the man’s foot but it only gained him a moment of reprieve from the unrelenting hold before his back was brought flush against the man’s front. The chest behind him rumbled and Tony realized he was being mocked.

 

“Good try sweetheart, but you’re not going anywhere.”

 

Tony tried to hold onto his anger, the only emotion he could use to his advantage. But the hopelessness of his situation was not lost on him, and as a hand snuck down to caress the waist of Tony’s pants it was almost enough to paralyze him completely.  

 

Tony went limp with panic before he fought back with zeal. 

 

“Control him,” shouted the Captain, a bloodlust in his eyes.

 

The man was towering over Steve’s limp form, still motionless save for the chest that moved up and down like clockwork. Tony couldn’t tear his eyes away.

 

Yes, Tony though desperately, just keep breathing Steve, that’s all I ask of you. Stay alive, don’t let them take you from me.

 

“Make him look at me,” the Captain ordered at Tony’s guard, and the hand around his jaw jutted it forward. 

The Captain smirked, and Tony knew he was seeing the absolute loathing painted openly on Tony’s face.

 

Tony had underestimated the soldier. He hadn’t pegged him as the feral monster he actually was. But as he knelt down to grip Steve’s hair in his hand, and angled his head so far back Tony felt the pain in his own neck, Tony knew this man was evil to his core. 

 

He didn’t honor the men of this war like Steve did. Though Steve had done things Tony couldn’t begin to imagine, there was a respect he held for his kills. Steve realized that they were people with families and lives outside of the battlefield. Tony had the inkling that this soldier didn’t hold the barest level of respect for anyone.

 

“This is your protector?” the man sneered and spit at Steve’s face, Tony flinched as if the hit was his own, “he was a worthy opponent but he wasn’t as invincible as he thought. It didn’t take long for him to bend and eventually break.”

 

Tony retaliated by biting at the hand that had crept closer and closer to his mouth. Wrong move. Tony wasted no time sinking his teeth into tender flesh, doing his best to ignore the flow of copper that spurted in his mouth. The soldier behind him yelled and viciously tore his hand from Tony’s mouth, feeling like he took Tony’s teeth with him.

The genius spat foreign blood from his lips.

 

“You little-” the man swore moving to raise his hand against Tony, but his superior stopped him.

 

“No,” the Captain ordered and Tony’s handler stilled. 

 

But any relief Tony felt was short lived.

 

He tried not to dry heave as he watched the Captain pull Steve up to a kneeling position by his hair. Somehow Steve’s eyes were still closed, and he was oblivious to the happenings around him. Tony couldn’t help but be grateful. 

 

“Our genius clearly has something he wishes to say, so let him stall the inevitable, let him try to worm his way out of this one last time. Please, Mr. Stark go ahead.” the man used the hand the wasn’t weaved brutally through Steve’s hair to indicate that Tony say his piece.

 

But Tony would give the man no such gratification. He wouldn’t whimper or plead for his life. Steve would never want him to do that, that he knew for certain. 

 

“No?” the man questioned when he was met with silence, “the great Tony Stark has nothing to say in the face of his lover’s death?”

 

Tony’s breath caught in his throat, not having the presence of mind to hide his shock.

 

The Captain only relished in his win.

 

“Yes, we know all about your relationship with this man. The river was not as private as you might have thought.”

 

Guilt crushed Tony in its grip. His fault. More than he ever could have imagined.

 

His fault.

 

Those words would haunt Tony for the rest of his life. Though that didn’t seem like that was going to last much longer. 

 

And...and he was ok with that. 

 

Fine. If he died he rid the world of another Stark bastard that had only come to ruin the lives of the people around him, but Steve? Wonderful, self sacrificing Steve who had given Tony everything without asking for anything in return was about to die and Tony knew it hadn’t been worth it. Any of it. If Steve living to see the sunrise meant that they had never met, Tony would accept that. No matter-

 

No matter that Tony was in love with him. 

 

The admission released an earthquake of emotion Tony had kept under lock and key for far too long now. His body shook with the release and he knew that if he had not been forcibly held steady on his feet he would have collapsed to the ground, sobs wracking his frame.

 

“No, no final memento from the man who had wielded his words as a weapon not minutes ago? Very well then, let’s begin.”

 

A stone sunk to the bottom of Tony’s gut.

The Captain released Steve with a throw of his hand and Tony’s soldier collapsed to the ground again, lucky enough to land on his side instead of his face.

The Captain then raised his arms, calling to his comrades to seek revenge on the two men who had taken the lives of their brethren.

No words were spoken but a hush fell over the area as the first soldier stepped forward, and the Captain stepped back into the shadows.

 

Coward, Tony wished to spit at him, but his focus was caught by the main event.

 

Steve’s first opponent circled his body, leering at him as if he was already just another slab of meat under a butcher’s knife. The man would stop every few steps to nudge parts of Steve’s body with his boot and Tony bit his tongue. He was unsure if he could stomach watching as his soldier was taken apart. Knowing, that no matter what, he wouldn’t be able to look away. 

 

Tony stood with bated breath as he anticipated for the first strike. But it never came, and Tony didn’t know whether to be thankful for that small mercy or not. 

He knew it would come. He knew this was inescapable and he knew it would break him thoroughly.

 

As if by fate, the man came to a halt at Steve’s feet.

 

“No!” The cry was ripped from Tony’s throat. Yet, the soldiers paid him no mind and his anguish fell on deaf ears.

 

The man standing above Steve stripped himself of his over coat and weapons that had been weighing him down. Like the Captain, he spit on Steve so to disgrace him and wasted no more time. The man grabbed Steve by the shirt collar and hoisted him from the ground until Steve dangled in the air like a puppet. 

 

Then he let gravity pull Steve back down. 

 

A roar went up from the crowd, like the floodgates of hell had been forced open and all the spiteful spirits had come to take their revenge on the world.

 

Steve’s fragile skin and bone banged against the Earth like the rumble of thunder. Tony wanted to cover his ears.

 

“Stop it,” Tony said, having lost control over his own words, but his voice held no strength.

 

His chest constricted when the leather of the man’s shoe came down on Steve’s spine.

 

“Don’t touch him!” Tony demanded, trying to regain some sort of authority. But the only person who paid him any mind was his captor who let out a guttural laugh.

 

Finally, tears welled in Tony’s eyes and nearly blurred the scene before him. He was almost grateful for the lack of sight but felt immediate shame at the thought.

If their positions were reversed Steve wouldn’t look away, Steve would do him the honor of watching the entire time.

 

Tony couldn’t dishonor Steve. He grit his teeth and drew his gaze back to Steve’s face.  

 

Specifically to his eyes.

 

The world around Tony began to fade away. The sound of the crowd’s jeers, the sick thud of the hits that collided with Steve’s body, all faded to the background as he focused on Steve’s closed eyes. 

He wanted them to open. 

 

Even if it meant Steve had to go through this attack and feel every hit. Tony wanted Steve’s eyes to open so he could see them one last time, so that he had one last memory of his soldier’s beautiful face before he went. But, most importantly, Tony wanted Steve’s eyes to open so he could see that Tony was sorry. That every hurtful word he had flung at Steve was a lie. That Tony loved him.

 

“I’m sorry,” Tony whispered, praying that there was some way for Steve to hear it.

 

And then, brown eyes met blue.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Rage.

 

Tony had never seen the likes of it before, never could he have pictured it in the eyes of his soldier. But there was no mistaking the rage that changed Steve from the man Tony loved to someone beyond Tony’s touch. It sent wicked shivers down his spine that Tony reveled in. 

 

If he couldn’t channel his own fury into something useful, Steve could.

 

But Tony was getting ahead of himself.

 

Brown eyes met blue, like they always would. The genius didn’t believe it at first. He was sure the relief that could have brought him to his knees was due to his hyper imagination being stressed in the traumatic situation. But the genius blinked hard and still Steve was staring at him, though no one else had noticed. Even as Steve’s body shook with every hit it took, his eyes never left Tony’s. And the genius was forced to accept the horrible truth he had practically made come to pass.

 

He had wanted this. His selfish brain had ached to see Steve’s eyes again and the cruel universe had granted him his dying wish. 

 

But that wasn’t quite true.

 

Steve’s eyes were open but they weren’t unfocused or filmed over with pain. Steve’s cerulean eyes were sharp with understanding, and determination.

 

That's when Tony realized Steve was not just aware, but he had been awake the entire time.

 

The soldier had been cultivating his rage and sharpening it until he could unleash it as a weapon. 

That rage, that Tony had been dreading would be aimed at him, was focused solely and entirely on the shouting men around him and the rough hands staining his genius’s skin.

 

Steve’s eyes shot from the fingers that lay on Tony’s neck to the grasp holding his arms painfully behind him. Steve saw the bruises and cuts starting to form on Tony’s body, that he had heard happen but hadn’t seen, and finally landed his gaze on Tony’s face.

 

His resolve hardened. 

 

No, Tony tried to convey with his eyes. 

 

Don’t do it Steve. 

 

Tony knew what Steve was thinking. 

 

He was going to try to take on a legion of men by himself, and Tony didn’t need to do the math to predict how that was going to end.

The genius could only imagine what they would do to the soldier after Steve’s attempted escape.

 

But he didn’t know how to stop Steve without notifying the guards that he was awake.

 

No, Tony insisted again, even as he knew Steve had already made up his mind. Even as Tony had already accepted Steve’s decision. 

 

If they were going to go down, they were going to go down raining hellfire. It was too far ingrained in both their natures.

 

Relenting, he gave Steve a barely there nod of acceptance. He tried to put everything he felt about the man in that one nod and prayed that he understood.

 

The corners of the soldier’s lips pulled upwards, reassuring Tony that he understood everything. 

 

And then, Steve got up.

 

Quicker then Tony could have thought possible with his injuries, Steve was on his feet.

 

The guard that had taken the liberty of handing Steve his death sentence was swept off his feet easily as Steve delivered a paralyzing blow. Before any soldiers came to their senses, Tony’s soldier reached for his attackers discarded gun and shot the man through the skull.

 

The resounding bang pulsated through the trees, and silenced the forest.

  

Tony’s blood went cold.

 

No one moved.

 

Fear entered his heart, fear that was not aimed at his enemies. 

 

But Tony didn’t have the luxury of dwelling on it. 

 

Tony knew he had a limited window to get himself free, and as the fighting started to rage around him, he joined the action.  

 

Steeling himself for the pain, Tony headbutted the man holding him. He used just enough force to hear the sickening crack of a broken nose, but not enough to give himself more than a headache. 

The man’s blood spurted from his face and met Tony’s neck. Tony had to keep himself steady when his skin tickled with the dribbling liquid. 

 

He hadn’t won yet. Wrestling one of his arms free, Tony elbowed his handler in the gut so he doubled over. After that it took little energy to push the man to the ground and stumble away before anymore hands decided they wanted to get friendly.

 

Tony stared at the guard rolling on the ground, face scrunched up as he succumbed to the pain.

He was lost as to what to do next.

If he was brave enough he would wrestle the man’s firearm from his vulnerable body and shoot him with it, be done with this nightmare. But bile rose in the genius’s throat at the thought and he knew he didn’t have it in him.

 

However, the choice didn’t fall on him.

 

A gun locked and loaded behind Tony and before he had a chance to drop, the weapon released. 

Tony bent over, hands covering his ears on instinct, any second now he expected to feel the pulse of blood exiting his body and unbearable pain as his bones splintered and flesh shredded beyond repair. But the inevitable never befell him.

Carefully, Tony opened his eyes to whatever lay before him, already having an indication of what he would find.

Sure enough, the grotesque soldier who had groped and bruised him lay pale and still on the ground. The final tremors fading away as his soul left his body.

 

“Oh my god,” Tony breathed out in horror. 

 

It was with a morbid curiosity that Tony found the strength to turn around, though he never imagined he would find what awaited him.

 

He took a sharp intake of breath.

 

Finally, the tears fell.

 

Bodies lined the forest floor, all pale, all still, all bloody. In the center of it all, in the center of all the death, stood Steve Rogers.

 

Stood the Captain who had rightfully earned his title. 

 

Tony recalled, what felt like a lifetime ago, thinking that no one rose in rank in the army if they didn’t like killing. He now amended his statement, maybe they didn’t have to like it, but they had to be damn good at it. 

 

Steve was a weapon of war more dangerous than anything Tony could have thought to build.

 

He was deadly.

 

Carefully, Tony stumbled closer to the man who gazed down upon his work. Steve was almost admiring this mass grave surrounding them. 

 

The genius felt as if he were approaching a wild animal and still wasn’t sure if he should reach a hand out or run. Steve broke the stalemate.

 

“That was for Bucky,” the soldier grunted as he threw the gun to the ground, the thud reminding Tony painfully of the sound Steve’s body made when it connected with the man’s boot.

Steve drew his gaze from the ground up to Tony’s face.

 

“And it was for you.”

 

Tony broke. The uncertainty that had crept up on him vanished without a second thought. Tony knew it was too late for him. He knew that no matter what Steve did Tony would always chose him. He knew that even though he had come face to face with Steve’s darkest side it would never be enough for him to let the other man go.

 

With tears still blinding his eyes Tony collapsed into Steve’s arms knowing that the man would catch him.

Strong arms immediately came up around him, clinging at him like they had never touched before. Tony sunk into the feeling of safety once again. 

 

A solid, yet forgiving, hand came up around Tony’s head to press his face into the soldier’s neck so he wouldn’t have to bear witness to the horror at their feet. 

He was thankful for it as he breathed in lungfuls of Steve’s warmth, and reacquainted himself with the idea that Steve was alive and wasn’t leaving Tony any time soon. 

 

In Tony’s silence Steve found his voice.

 

“It was so hard,” Steve murmured, and Tony relaxed into the sound, “It was so hard having to pretend I couldn’t hear you, having to force myself to keep my eyes closed so I couldn’t see you. I would hear the sound of them putting their hands on you, and scaring you, and you screaming, and I can’t tell you the amount of times I almost broke. The knowledge that I was going to kill them became less of an ugly necessity and more of a feral want.”

 

The hands gripping Tony tightened momentarily before forcing themselves to loosen.

 

“Part of me wishes their deaths were drawn out and painful because that’s what they deserve for hurting you. But at least they’re gone. They’re never going to touch you again, doll.”

 

The genius let Steve coax his head from the safety and darkness of the crook of the soldier’s neck. He then cupped Tony’s face and whipped away any stray tears with the pads of his thumbs. Tony sunk into the pressure.

 

“Guess that makes me some sort of monster, huh?” Steve said trying to play it off, but if the soldier thought Tony was going to let that slip by without a word he was sorely mistaken.

 

“No,” Tony croaked, hands coming to grip Steve’s face as the soldiers own fell to Tony’s waist, “You, Steve Rogers, are a lot of things.”

 

Steve snorted a dry laugh, Tony felt the vibrations traveling through his arms and could have wept with relief. Here was his Steve, here was the man he had come to love with all his heart. Under all the hardships he had suffered through, Tony’s soldier was still there beneath it all.

 

“You are brilliant, and strong, and powerful, and wonderful, and someone I most certainly do not deserve. But if there is anything you are not, you are not a monster.”

 

Tony didn’t give the man a chance to reply before he pushed himself up on his toes and caught Steve’s lips in a kiss.      

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS NEEDS EDITING I KNOW IT WILL HAPPEN  
> So only say nice things plz and ty


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long and sorry for any mistakes i made recently i started college and since then a million and ten things have gotten in the way of me writing but hopefully I should be updating some of my other works soon also read the end notes for a SURPRISE that is probably not as interesting as I'm making it seem but is supper exciting for me so do that thx

Steve awoke to a warm body wrapped around his own and, for once, marveled at the morning.

 

Despite the horrors from yesterday, and the anger and pain that was still embedded in his chest, Steve was content as he lay in the dying grass.

His chin rested comfortably on soft, brown hair, and the genius in his arms dug his face further into Steve’s shoulder as he snuffled in his sleep. Tony hadn’t unlatched himself from the soldier all night.

 

After Steve had dragged the traumatized genius from the circle of prone bodies, he had backpedaled to their camp only to grab their stuff before moving along. Being conscious of how far he could push Tony, the soldier covered as much ground as he could before they both had to stop.

 

It was finally as they were settling down for the night that Tony came back to himself, well part of himself. 

Tony, being the genius that he was, had taken notice of the fresh wounds still bleeding sluggishly out of Steve’s body. The soldier hadn’t been too worried, he knew these looked worse than they actually were. But Tony refused to listen to the soldier who wanted to insist that the genius rest.

 

He should have learned a long time ago to never tell Tony Stark what to do.

 

With a single aim in mind, Tony had forced Steve to sit down and rid himself of his torn and stained clothes so he could bandage the worst of it. Steve would have protested, not wanting to burden himself onto another person, but he recognized Tony’s need to do something. 

 

The genius had survived an encounter where death had been imminent, he needed some sort of mindless, rewarding project to ease his mind. Steve couldn’t take that away from him.

 

The soldier couldn’t keep the fond gaze off his face as Tony’s eyes glazed over and his mind focused in on his self proclaimed task. 

It was the same look Steve had seen when Tony had been working on uniforms for the soldiers so long ago, however, he had never noticed how charming it was until now.

When Tony had finally finished up, Steve insisted he rest, and this time he wouldn’t take no for an answer. The genius struck up a deal instead.

 

His offer was that he’d only go to sleep if Steve slept with him, too.

 

Steve hadn’t been able to fully hide the shock on his face. Sure, he had known that their relationship had turned into one of dangerous codependency, especially with the increasing number of near death experiences they’d shared. But to see the poorly hidden uncertainty in Tony’s eyes did painful things to his heart.

 

Didn’t Tony know by now that Steve would do anything for him? That no request was too high?

 

Steve, of course, had agreed. The night had started with the tentative caressing of their fingers, but had ended with them firmly wrapped around each other. The need to feel the other warm and alive overpowered any awkwardness there could have been. 

Steve had taken it one step further. He allowed the easy banter between them to flow, knowing it would eventually put Tony at ease and then to sleep. 

 

But a vigilance still plagued him from the days battle.

 

Steve could still see the echoes of life leaving the shell of a body when he closed his eyes. He could still taste the fear on the men’s faces as he shot them down one by one, their pained screams were their final stamp on the world around them.

 

Shame and guilt curdled Steve’s insides. 

 

They were just people, like he was. They had homes to go back to when this was all over, they had families. Steve had taken that away from them. But then his fingers would sink into Tony’s side and feel his even breath on his skin, and then he remembered. He had family too, he had a home too, and he’d be damned if anyone took it from him.

 

“What has you thinking so hard, soldier,” Tony grumbled and managed to snuggle closer to Steve though there was no space between them. The solder bent his head to give a gentle kiss to the man’s temple, reveling in the life he was met with.

 

“You’re not allowed to ask me such a complicated question so early in the morning,” Steve replied, letting one of his fingers trace up and down Tony’s back, feeling the fabric of his shirt bunch and then smooth out with every pass of his hand.

 

“If you’re thinking up such complicated answers to, as mentioned, complicated questions so early in the morning then you deserved to be asked said complicated question,” Tony replied lifting his head out of Steve’s shoulder for only a moment to plant delicate kiss on the side of his mouth.

Steve’s breath caught in his throat.

 

“Well technically I’ve been thinking of the complicated answer to your complicated question since long before you were awake, so therefore it’s actually late morning which is a perfect time to think of such complicated answers for complicated questions.”

 

“You just contradicted yourself.”

 

Steve had to actively go back in the conversation to see if Tony was right, which he obviously was as Steve couldn’t remember a time when he was wrong.

Instead of admitting to his loss. The soldier groaned and rolled the two over so Tony was under him and he could look down on him.

 

“It’s too early to be playing this game,” Steve said, mockingly.

 

“Exactly my point,” Tony replied, but a lax smile lit his face.

 

Tony was beautiful in the morning.

His cheeks were flushed from the heat Steve’s body had been giving off all night and his eyes were wide and doe like as he stared up at Steve so openly. Steve couldn’t stop himself from running a finger down the brunette’s cheek. It hit him terribly when he realized he almost lost this yesterday. He almost didn’t have Tony to wake up to this morning, and the thought scared him deeply.

Steve’s gaze fluttered down to Tony’s lips, and Tony was smart enough to notice.

 

“Steve…” Tony beckoned so sweetly, tangling his hands in the soldier’s hair.

 

Steve didn’t wait for anymore of an invitation. With a need that harmonized with the singing birds in the trees, Steve bent down and captured Tony’s lips.

The soldier hadn’t realized how desperate he was for this until he had Tony so sweetly pressed against him, but once it was there he was lost in it.

Steve pressed their mouths together until his lungs begged from a moment's rest, but his heart beat wildly for more in his chest.

 

Steve finally retracted himself once they were both gasping.

Tony’s eyes were glassy and his lips swollen, and Steve was far past addiction into something even more dangerous.

 

“Wow, soldier,” Tony said, words slurred as if he couldn’t remember how to use his tongue besides when it was dancing with Steve’s own, “How many near death experiences do I have to go through for you to never stop doing that?”

 

Steve nudged their noses together, soaking up every inch of Tony that he could.

 

“Don’t say that, please,” Steve said, bringing their lips back together for something much more tender then the wildness of the kiss prior. Tony’s hands cupped Steve’s stubbled cheeks. The genius understood that Steve’s roots had been viciously ripped from the familiarity of the ground. Steve was untethered with the fear of losing what he held dear.

 

“I love you,” Tony whispered into the space between them when they pulled apart, knowing it was the only way for Steve to bring himself back to reality. For once, the words didn’t scare him. He knew Steve would never do anything to hurt him.

The genius watched with little trepidation as Steve’s eyes widened before a smile graced his lips.

 

“I love you, too, Tony Stark,” the soldier said resting their foreheads together, “More than you’ll ever know.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I’m not ready to face the real world yet,” Tony admitted as he wound himself into Steve’s waiting arms. 

 

After spending far too long twittering like lovesick teenagers under the bed sheets, Steve had insisted that they get up and gather their belongings.

Tony had taken the liberty of dragging the process out with surprise attacks full of hot kisses that left Steve reeling. Of course, when the soldier tried to deepen the advances Tony would scurry just out of arm's reach. 

This would inevitably start a game where Steve would chase Tony around camp until he caught the giddy genius and peppered his face with kisses.  

 

But now there was nothing to procrastinate, everything was done. The only thing Tony could do now was beg Steve to stave off their departure a little while longer, but that felt too much like admitting to something that set butterflies alight in his stomach. 

True it was stupid, they had fully admitted their feelings to each other, Steve knew Tony was in love with him.

 

But did he understand the depth with which Tony meant that?

 

Steve was the high Tony had been pursuing all his life, better than any drug he had ever been offered. Tony needed Steve, he couldn’t survive without him anymore. 

 

That notion was what Tony had been afraid of from the beginning, and now it had come to pass. He just prayed when Steve said he loved him, he really understood what he was committing to.

The uncertainty of their new dynamic slipped from Tony’s mind as Steve tilted his face up so their lips could meet. The defenses that had been rebuilding themselves inside of Tony crumbled to ash once again.

Steve wasn’t going anywhere.

 

“Me neither,” Steve confessed, “Is it wrong that I want to keep you all to myself?”

 

Something in Tony purred, and his answer was written clear across his face. The lack of reserve from the genius was telling.

 

“You like that idea?” Steve murmured to Tony, he tugged on the genius’s earlobe with his teeth. Tony giggled, honest to god, giggled at the teasing.

 

“I like you,” Tony replied easily, staring up at Steve with a wonder filled gaze. Like he couldn’t believe his luck. 

Steve brushed their noses together. 

 

“I like you, too,” Steve said, knowing it wasn’t Tony who was lucky, but Steve. 

 

“Well,” Tony said, nervous though Steve met him with willing openness, “What if we did just stay here?”

He dropped the bag he was holding to wrap his arms around Steve’s neck and place a kiss to the side of his mouth. It was Steve’s weakness and Tony took full advantage. The soldier’s hands immediately came around to hold Tony’s waist, rubbing his sides with his thumbs. Tony had him exactly where he wanted him, which coincidentally was exactly where Steve wanted to be.

 

“I would, but…”

 

“No buts,” Tony insisted, “Please, let me have you.”

 

Steve furrowed his eyebrows. 

 

“You have me, entirely,” he said, not understanding. If Tony was doubting Steve’s commitment, then he wasn’t doing his job very well.

 

“Then let’s stay here, let’s not go back. People don’t even know I’m gay and everyone still thinks you hate me, and Fury will throw you back out on the field without a seconds thought. I might lose you-”

 

“Tony,” Steve cut in.

He pulled out of Tony’s space though he kept his hands on the genius’s waist, whether to steady Tony or himself he didn’t know. The soldier had been yanked out of the pipe dream they had been living in since last night, when they had so easily decided they were meant to be with each other because nothing else mattered if they weren’t.

 

When he took in Tony, he saw the anxiety weaved into his heart that Steve hadn’t the clue had taken up space there. 

 

“You’re not losing me,” Steve said, and Tony made to contradict him, but Steve wouldn’t let him, “No, Tony I don’t know what got into your head since yesterday to today, but I thought you understood. I can’t lose you, ever. I just can’t. The only reason I wouldn’t abandon everything waiting for us back home is because it’s not safe for you here. The men from yesterday, when their superiors figure out that you’re alive they will send not just one group of men, but dozens of them to kill you. Above everything, I have to protect you.”

 

Steve watched as he slowly pulled Tony out of the fantasy in his head and felt guilty. He hadn’t wanted to lay that all on Tony. He hadn’t wanted to remind the man that there was still a price on his head, but he also couldn’t let the genius convince him staying here was a good idea.

He wouldn’t do that to Tony, he wouldn't ruin him.

Steve didn’t have much of a life to get back to, but Tony did. The genius pulled himself away from Steve, not in a way that made the soldier worry, but Steve knew he had caused Tony’s head to run wild. He didn’t want him to overthink the worries Steve had planted in his head.

 

“What about your friends?” Steve said trying to get Tony to understand what he would be throwing away, “You have to get back to them. They’re probably so worried about you. Pepper, and Rhodes. You know Rhodes is going out of his mind with worry, doll. You have to get back to him.”

 

Tony winces at the thought of his friends worrying over nothing. Well maybe not nothing, but he was okay. He was going to be okay. They deserved to know that.

 

“You’re right,” Tony said, pushing his wishes for the future back into the box he locked them away in. 

Steve was right, of course, when was he ever actually wrong. They couldn’t stay here. They didn’t belong here. Tony would always look at the memories they had of the forest fondly, but their escape was over, it was time to get back to reality. Tony bent down to pick up his pack and he threw the straps over his shoulder.

“Let’s go home,” Tony said, he gave Steve a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Tony pushed past the soldier, shoulders heavy with the weight of the world placed back on them. Steve hated it. If Steve could live out his days, secluded from the world and its horrors with the man he loved he would. But Tony’s safety came first, Steve had made promises.

Nonetheless, Steve picked up his own pack and caught up with Tony. The soldier grabbed for the genius’s arm and tugged him around to surprise him with a kiss. To Steve’s relief, the man melted into his touch like he always did, soaking up every inch of the soldier that he could.

 

“I love you,” Steve said when they pulled away, begging for something besides misery to grace Tony’s face. But it was too late. A smile strained to form on Tony’s face. Steve’s heart cracked.

 

“I know,” Tony said, and placed a kiss on the soldier’s cheek before turning to keep walking.

 

The unspoken words were the loudest thing Steve had ever heard.

 

Tony knew Steve loved him, but it wasn’t going to be enough.

 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

 

“Are you ready.”

 

It was the first time Tony had shown a hint of the vulnerability he had bared to Steve back at their final camp out.

 

The two were hidden by the thick of the forest, but behind the line of trees the sounds of society was music to Steve’s ears. It had been so long since he had heard something so familiar. Pounding feet going for an afternoon run, the laughter of his comrades, the taste of gunpowder in the back of his throat.

It was familiar. It was home.

 

Then why did it make his skin crawl.

 

Steve glanced at the man at his side. They had been holding hands, but Tony had slipped his touch away. It was like an entirely different person stood at Steve’s side. Tony’s chin was tilted up, all playfulness gone from his features, his mouth set in a near permanent grimace. This wasn’t Steve’s Tony. This was the world’s Tony. This was the Tony that Howard had forced him to be. Steve hated it, it was wrong.

 

Steve couldn’t help himself, he placed his lips gently on Tony’s cheek, silently begging for the man he loved to come back to him. The real one. But all he was met with was a small upward tilt of Tony’s lips before gravity weighed them back down. Just like before.

 

“No,” Steve replied, trying to keep the emotion from his voice. He didn’t know what question he was actually protesting, them being back at camp, or the loss of the man he loved.

 

Steve immediately felt guilty. He had done this to Tony. He had forced him back into a place Steve now knew hurt him. Steve wished he could go back an hour and screw his logical thinking. He would damn it all and agree to stay in the woods with Tony forever. He’d find a way to keep Tony out of enemy hands and protect him. What good was being a soldier if he couldn't do what he had been designed to?

 

But it was too late, regret would come to haunt him and he knew it.

 

Tony finally looked at him, and Steve hoped his emotions weren’t as transparent as he knew they were.

 

“Me neither,” Tony said, practically pleading with Steve not to make him do this. 

 

That’s when he broke. Damn it all, Steve moved to stop Tony from taking the fateful steps. There was still time to run away from all of this and go back to when it was only them and their happiness. 

 

But he was too late. 

 

Tony stepped through the line of trees into the open field, and doomed them to their next adventure.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Steve watched Tony disappear past his line of sight and followed, knowing wherever Tony went he would, too.

It was still a punch to the gut when his eyes finally landed on the base. Old, and new emotions blind sighted him.

 

Relief.

 

Relief at the picture of something he had thought of as home for so long. A base of soldiers banded together to protect the people they loved. A family. A brotherhood.

 

Pain.

 

Unbelievable pain that made his lungs shrivel and snap. Bucky. The last time he was in a place like this his brother had been at his side. The man who had been with him through thick and thin, through every laugh, and tear, and hungry night. The man who he had never pictured being without. Gone.

A trace of his laugh riding the breeze.

 

Uneasiness.

 

The knowledge that something was inherently wrong. This was wrong. He shouldn’t be here, he didn’t belong here anymore. Tony didn’t belong here anymore. They had grown so far past this place and what little it held for both of them. The need to run.

 

Acceptance.

 

Realizing he couldn’t do anything about it.

 

The duo walked in silence as they entered the base. They were caught up in their heads, in processing their feelings as they acquainted themselves with their surroundings. This place used to be so familiar, but was now as foreign as a far off country.

 

No one noticed them. The groups of men, the passing military trucks, visiting scientists. It was as if Steve and Tony were invisible to the naked eye, practically a living ghost story.

But soon enough the whispers started, the turn of a head, the widening of eyes. The buzzing infested Steve’s ears like unrelenting bugs and his mind jumped from place to place. This wasn’t right, and it wasn’t okay. They were in danger. They were being watched. Tony wasn’t safe here, and Steve would cut off his own arm before he put Tony back in another dangerous situation.

 

“Steve?” Tony questioned, warm hand placed upon Steve’s own, the one that was now on the holster of his gun ready to aim and fire at a moments notice.

 

“It’s okay-”

 

But Tony was cut off by a body flying at his own. 

Steve was startled out of his own head and back into the real world just in time to see James Rhodes blur past him to get to Tony.

 

The man clung to Tony and hoisted him into the air, silent tears streaming down his face.

 

Steve shouldn’t have been surprised to find Tony clinging onto to Rhodes just as tightly.

 

He was.

 

The soldier had only seen Tony cling that hard to somebody once, and it was yesterday in the woods, and that person had been him.

 

“I thought I lost you,” Rhodes whispered into the genius’s shoulder, “You bastard, disappearing on me like that. Got the fucking message from Fury saying that you had gone missing and almost lost my mind. I swear to god Tones you took ten years off my life-”

 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Rhodey,” Tony said back, the two talking over each other in the way only two very close people could while also understanding exactly what the other person was saying, “So much has happened Rhodey, so much, and I needed you-”

 

Something slimy slithered into Steve’s gut at the words.

Tony had needed Rhodes.

 

Steve had lost Bucky and had been so alone he had transferred his own feelings of loneliness onto Tony. He had forgotten that Tony had someone waiting for him back home. Someone he needed.

Steve swallowed around the bitter taste in his mouth.

 

“I’m sorry Tony, I’m so sorry I should have never left you alone here. I should have never allowed Howard to send you away-”

 

Rhodes caught himself, and pulled away from Tony momentarily. Tony’s fingers where turning white as he gripped onto Rhodes’s forearms with all the strength he had left in him.

 

“Tony, there’s something I need to tell you about your father,” Rhodes said, and at this point Steve knew he should leave. He should find Sam or Clint, hell, even Fury, and check in with the people who had at least noticed his absence if not worried about it. But his feet were glued to the grass, he couldn't take his eyes off the pair if he wanted to.

 

“He’s dead,” Tony blurted out, shocking Rhodes.

 

“How-how did you know that?” Steve’s heart ached as he watched Tony’s bottom lip quiver. 

 

Had the genius been bottling up his emotions? Had Steve really not seen the distress he had been under? Had he really let Tony convince him he was fine when his father was dead? 

 

How stupid was he?

 

“There’s so much I need to tell you,” Tony said, letting Rhodes envelope him as he fell into his arms the way he had fallen so nicely into Steve’s. Oh, that ugly emotion was spreading quickly.

 

“I know, Tones I know,” Rhodes said as he cupped the back of Tony’s head in the crook of his neck, “It’s going to be okay, Tony I’m here now, I love you, I always will.”

 

Steve froze.

 

“I love you, too,” Tony said back.

 

Steve shattered.

 

Rhodes wrapped an arm around Tony’s waist and led him past Steve, probably to the medical tent. Steve didn’t know, he didn’t really care. Tony had just told Rhodes he loved him, and he hadn’t been able to say it to Steve since early this morning.

The wheels in his head were smoking.

 

To add salt to the wound, Rhodes came to a halt beside Steve. The soldier could barely look either of the two men in the eye.

 

“Thank you, Rogers,” he said with an earnest sincerity that made Steve’s heart burn, “it will never be enough for what you’ve done for me, but thank you.”

 

With that he took Tony and walked away.

 

A realization sparked in Steve’s head, it sparked a moment too late.

 

The reason the base didn’t feel like home was because his heart wasn’t there anymore. His heart belonged entirely to Tony Stark. His home was Tony Stark. 

 

And he had done nothing as it walked away under another man’s arm.

 

~~~~~~~~~~  

 

Steve was on his way to being drunk.

 

Even on the water downed liquor the army provided he had passed tipsy a while back and could only muster up a moment of concern at his men seeing him so out of control.

 

Then he decided that if he could still feel such emotions as worry he wasn’t drunk enough and tipped back what was left of the bottle.

 

Steve had stood, numb to his surroundings, unable to move as Rhodes herded Tony out of sight. A title wave of bracing questions tearing up the foundation of the relationship he had built with the genius until all that was left was the broken bones of what had once stood so sturdy.

 

He didn’t know what he was feeling anymore.

Were Rhodes and Tony a couple? Had that been why Tony had wanted to stay in the woods so he wouldn’t have to confront being in a relationship with two people? Had Steve all but forced Tony into Rhodes arms?

 

Then there was the question that ate away at him the most.

 

Tony had seen him at his darkest, when death had shrouded him. Had Tony finally realized Steve was a monster?

 

Steve might have been losing his mind by now if it wasn’t for the numbing effects of the liquor. 

 

He could recall the inability to process all of the thoughts running rampant in his head as he made his way to Fury’s tent. The Major had taken one look at Steve, admitted he was glad the Captain was back, and then told him to go get lost on whatever liquor they had. 

 

It was the first time Steve had taken such advice. It was against everything he believed in to get shitfaced drunk, but the pain that had started to seep in at that point was worse than the regret of any abandoned morals.

Steve had plopped himself down in the tent, Fury had informed him, some of his men had put up in hopes he would return. He then started on the stash of brown bottles that had been hoarded there as some sort of solidarity.

Half way into his first, Clint had burst through the tent, having heard rumors of the Captain’s return. However, the start of a good natured quipp died on his lips when he took in his friend’s appearance. Instead he proceeded to grab a bottle from Steve’s stock and join him.

 

“You look like shit,” Clint had informed him, to which a laugh caught Steve by surprise.

 

“As long as I don’t look like you,” Steve replied which earned him a smirk.

 

“Looks like Tony rubbed off on you while the two of you were left to your own devices,” Clint commented, not realizing the wound he had prodded, but Steve didn’t hold it against him.

 

“You have no idea,” the Captain whispered in reply before chugging back the rest of the drink and going for another one. After that the two were silent, but it was a comfortable silence Steve hadn’t realized he had yearned for in a friend.

A few minutes later Sam came through the tent flap. A similar happiness to Clint’s had lit his face at the prospect that his Captain and friend had returned. Just like Clint, Sam took in the situation and plopped down on the floor, reaching for the slowly diminishing pile.

 

“What did Tony do to you?” the man asked with his usual sarcastic mannerism, though there was clear worry in his voice.

Steve hadn’t realized he was so transparent.

 

“Everything,” the Captain responded, surprising even himself with the bitterness in his tone. To their credit, Sam and Clint kept their shock to themselves. 

 

“Want to tell us about it?” Sam asked.

Steve appreciated the openness, really he did, but he wasn’t ready to return the gesture. 

 

God, he wanted Bucky. He wanted someone who would understand what he had to say without him ever having to say a word. But the only other person who could do that was the one Steve couldn’t bare to see right now.

 

“No, I don’t think I will,” Steve said.

 

After that they were all silent again, giving their Captain time to lose himself.

 

At least until Thor barged in five minutes later, and a while after that when Bruce came to check on him. Steve was all but collecting strays, and he hated himself for not being able to thank them properly for it.

No, his stupid mind had to focus on the one person who wasn’t there. The one that was probably all cozied up with Rhodes right now. The man would be holding Tony close and whispering sweet nothings in his ear, promising that everything was all right now- 

 

“If you grip that bottle any tighter its going to crack in your hands, Steve,” Bruce said, eyeing the white of Steve’s knuckles.

Steve loosened his grip and looked up to face the man, watching as the room spun with the amount of liquor running through his veins. Why didn’t he do this more often again? Being drunk was amazing, nothing mattered when he felt like this.

 

“What happened to you out there, Steve?” Bruce asked and the other men in their little party all perked up from their own conversations in hope of hearing the answer. 

 

The truth seemed to push at the seam of Steve’s lips begging for escape from where it was being held captive in his throat. But the answer would have to wait.

Just as Steve started to talk, his tent opened one last time to reveal one of Fury’s messengers.

 

“Captain Rogers, sir, Major Fury has requested your presence in his tent.”

 

Steve hadn’t realized so much time had gone by since he last saw Fury, but when he caught a glimpse of the outside, night was all but upon them.

 

“Did he say what for?” the Captain said as he stood on shaky feet, trying to force himself to sober up.

 

The kid shook his head, but in truth, Steve already knew the answer.

 

This meeting had everything to do with one Tony Stark. 

 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE   
> After a rlly long time I FINALLY CREATED A TUMBLR it finally happened even though I technically had one already but im actually going to be doing things on this one like taking writing prompts and linking updates to ao3 and informing you guys when I'm going to be posting so you're not in the dark wondering if I've abandoned my stories so pls go follow!!! The username is the same as this account (kca1516) pls come talk to me bc otherwise i learned how to put a link in my bio for nothing and that would suck lol  
> thanks


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